Lies
by AnonymousDH
Summary: "Why?" she asks him, head already shaking from left to right as she doesn't understand why he got up. "Because," he sighs, looking down for a moment. He swallows and bites on his lip. "Because you didn't feel anything but I did." - [DARVEY] Fic set in 'season 8'
1. Chapter 1 - The Morning After

Hello everyone, so while I was working on my Couples Therapy rewrite (new chapters will follow after I've done that) and just the next chapters of 180 days I randomly tweeted a scenario and well one thing led to another and I wrote this fic. I estimate it to be 6 chapters long, it's set in S8, so you know which characters you can expect ;) rating for this would be T - M and not for language alone. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this and let me know what you think. X -

* * *

 _You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake_

 _You're a coward 'til the end_

 _Lies_

 _Don't wanna know, don't wanna know_

 _I can't let you go, can't let you go_

 _I just want it to be perfect_

 _To believe it's all been worth the fight_

 _\- Marina and the diamonds_

* * *

 **LIES**

 **Chapter One | The Morning After**

* * *

She stirs a little in her sleep, eyes still pressed shut as a soft yawn escapes her. Her lips return to settle into a light grin as she snuggles further into her warm sheets, memories of the festivities the night before rushing back into her memory.

She lays tired and slightly ached in her bed, trying to prolong the moment. The warm breath she senses scraping over the back of her neck doing the exact opposite though and she squirms a little when she feels a feather-light kiss being pressed against her shoulder.

First one, then another before she feels the arm around her waist hold onto her a little tighter. She bites down on her lip to stop herself from smiling, but the littlest of touches is setting her skin aflame. Much like the night before and she knows he knows it.

"Stop staring."

Her comment pronounced in a sleepy voice but the pace it got delivered with enough to convey her tease. She can't let him have this moment but she keeps her eyes firmly closed, not willing to give into the day yet, knowing what's to come. The goodbyes they'll share today.

"So, you _are_ awake."

She feels more than hears his hoarse voice, lips close to her ear and she feels his left hand moving a few of her messy auburn strands aside as she remains locked in his embrace. She bites down on her lip again at the next kiss he plants just behind her ear, feeling him shift even closer to her.

"I could say the same about -"

She lets the rest of her words unspoken, using her feet to map out his leg. She knows he knows what she was hinting at anyway. They've known each other too long not to.

She hears his throaty laugh next and she smiles to herself, a happiness she didn't know was humanly possible to experience settling in her stomach and she reckons this is her new favourite sound. His laugh, that and his heartbeat.

"Donna."

Her name rolling off of his tongue in that special tone he only uses for her another thing she adds to that list. She hums once, feels his hand shift over her stomach as he turns her to lie on her back.

"Har- vey."

She parrots his name in two stretched out syllables and she feels the butterflies return to her stomach. The way his fingers walk over her hip and urge her to turn onto her side now only sending more shivers down her spine.

Once on her side she fully opens her eyes and her hazel ones meet his dark brown eyes in an instant, they sparkle in the early morning light pouring through her windows but up close she can also see how wide his pupils grow at the mere sight of her.

She swallows once, her tongue darting out over her bottom lip as she watches the man right beside her, can't help but let her gaze travel over his face. Recalling every inch she touched last night, her eyes trained on his lips at last. The smirk spread across them in particular.

"Hey."

Her gaze flickers back up to meet his and she mouths the three letter greeting in return, a sudden somewhat nervous chuckle escaping her as she reminds herself of the situation. Who's next to her in bed, looking at her like she's the only woman in his world. Her best friend and ultimately boss, a man she's known for more than a decade.

"It's real."

She watches the smile form on his lips after he said the words and her eyes close when his right-hand moves to her face. Bringing another strand of hair behind her ear before she feels his fingers trail down her jaw until they rest under her chin and she can only follow his lead as he brings her face closer.

Her signature phrase being left unspoken as his lips meet hers in a soft, but toe-curling in its own way, kiss. The peck that follows after slow too, but it's the third one with his hand slipping back through her hair, the way her lips willingly part against his every move and how he rolls her onto her back, that makes her lose her breath and a moan rolls off her tongue.

She doesn't get much time to catch her breath, his lips back on hers a few seconds later as her left knee makes way for his right. She feels his hands move over her frame like the night before while his lips descend down her neck, kissing and lightly nibbling on her pulse point.

His name rolls off her tongue all too willingly when he reaches the valley between her breasts. She wants to kiss away the smirk that smiles back up at her but her head falls back onto the pillow, her back arching and her mouth parting to moan instead when his tongue flicks over her nipple and his right-hand slips between her legs.

She hears him groan at how wet he finds her but all she can do is bite down on her bottom lip as she feels his move lower. She pulls her leg up to the side, anticipating his every move and it is at that exact moment that her sight of him fully disappears under the white sheets.

Leaving her without sight to the exact move she knows he'll make and even though she expected it coming when his lips find her centre all she can do is curse.

"Ooh god."

Her eyes flicker open in a beat, meeting darkness around her and her gaze scans the room in the same erratic speed as the beating of her heart. Trying to catch her breath now, she pushes herself into a sitting position.

Her back against the cold headboard of the bed that was suddenly too big for one. She exhales again, finds her gaze returning to the spot next to her but there's not a single trace of the man that had been on her mind and she pulls her legs up to her chest. Wraps her arms around them and lets her head meet her knees.

"A dream." She sighs to herself. "It was a dream."

She wills the words out, a new mental mantra as she throws the sheets aside and makes her way over to her bathroom for a cold shower.

By the time she exits the room again, face freshly painted with makeup and her dark damp manes bound together in a messy bun she's already made up her mind. Found herself a rational explanation to the dream she'd woken up from.

* It was her longest dry spell yet.

* They'd been through a lot since she kissed him, before that too.

* They'd been at a wedding. A romantic event celebrating love.

Obviously, the three reasons had manifested themselves in her subconscious and found their way to combine themselves into an erotic dream. One about her best friend, but there was a reason for that too. He was a common factor in more than one of her previously determined justifications.

And thus the star of the dream she woke up with this morning. She near scoffs at the words now. A dream. An erotic dream.

" _That's not the same as feeling something."_

She remembers the words she spoke to him so quickly to dismiss his admission, couldn't hear anything after what he'd made her say. These words carefully chosen, because even though it was her who said them, they were for a large part triggered by his initial reaction.

The first night had her own panic kicking in about what she'd done, under which circumstances and how she could lose him for good. So when his words the following morning and in specific later that day in the lobby had in that moment only proved her biggest fear, she willed the words out. In a way to protect herself, from having to hear him say what she couldn't bear to hear. Protect them, from falling even further apart.

So the redhead does now, what she did then and has always done. The only thing she truly knows how to, to keep them as them. In each other's life in any way possible. She repeats the words again now, aloud, to herself.

"You didn't feel -"

She can't fully pronounce the lie though, because that's what it was. Told so often it almost felt like a truth but a lie all the same.

It's not the only one she told that night.

" _I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey."_

Twelve years in the making, the entire event happening because of the overwhelming feelings that had been tormenting her for days. Weeks even. It was her way to temporarily numb a pain, find a reason behind the existence of it, so how could she not have felt anything.

It may not have been a kiss that made the world literally crumble around her, the moment too brief and the circumstances of the situation too much on the forefront of her mind for it to be that. But her world of carefully crafted half-truths had fallen apart all the same. The lies she'd so willingly told and believed herself all came crashing down at the touch of his lips on hers.

" _Whatever I thought might be there, wasn't."_

She had pulled back slowly, as he had lingered and it had only been seconds but she had gazed into his eyes as her hands finished their path down his jaw and chest, feeling him come alive under her fingertips. Exactly what she spotted in his eyes too.

It was there.

Deep down, every single moment between shared between them, every single unspoken reason she had ever needed. All the things she had never allowed herself to acknowledge but had felt, it was there.

It had been there all along.

" _But that doesn't mean I want more."_

That was the sentence he had so bitterly thrown in her direction, cutting off any of her reasoning. Explaining exactly how blurred their lines were. He used the exact words she had uttered just over two months before to shut her up, to regain control of their argument. Her lecture.

And so she had lied.

" _Well, neither do I."_

Her words spoken too quickly to call him out on what she'd known to be the truth the night before, and just like the lies that would follow this one, all reason went out the window and words became a survival method. A way to protect herself, numb that pain again.

It would be easier that way, convincing herself it was nothing. To put an end to all of it, the struggle. The constant what if. So whatever he'd tell her, she'd tell him the same. Wouldn't allow him to have the upper hand, even if it came down to using a lie.

And a lie it had been.

Lies, lies, lies.

All too harsh to ensure either of them forgetting about them any time soon, yet in the midst of them. The mess that caused them and the mess they had caused, the managing partner and chief operating officer miraculously found themselves closer than a long time before that.

Both back to making sure the other would always be in the other's lives. Her by living by her words, returning to support him in whatever would make him happy. Him by giving it all up to have her back at the one place they called home.

So how could she ever shake that up again?

How could she tell the man she always told to trust her judgement, even reassured him after the event that he could, always smiled knowingly as he cowered up the courage to come to her and told her she'd known better all along, that she had lied?

She couldn't. She wouldn't risk _that_ being the thing that would eventually tear them apart.

Not after everything.

But the pain she had tried to numb and push away with that kiss had stayed, or transformed into another kind of pain. The one where you know what you want but simultaneously being aware of the fact that timing and circumstances will never allow you to have it.

The dream she had that night only confirming it.

She doesn't have much time to think about all of it though or how the night before had really ended, the buzzing sound of her mobile phone waking her from her thoughts. She lets out a sigh and lifts the light blue sweated from her bed.

Pulling it over her head, she tucks a side of it into her dark jeans and slips into her heels on her way out of her bedroom to makes her way over to the object. Pressing the home button she waits for the screen to light up, the name of the man she'd been trying to get out of her mind all morning shown in her notifications.

 _ **You ready? Ray's outside. – H**_


	2. Chapter 2 - Goodbye

kjdhgdjkfg thanks everyone for the follows, favs and reviews. They really made my weekend and got me writing more :) So I'd say I'm sorry about that dream, but well.. hehe I'm really not. As for why they're in casual clothes, you'll find out soon. Hope you'll like it and I'd love it if you leave me a comment. Enjoy X - M

* * *

LIES

 **Chapter Two | Goodbye**

* * *

She stares at the text message in front of her, four simple words and a letter but her stomach flips all the same. She exhales slowly, wills the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach to a rest. She doesn't answer his message. Instead, she reaches for her phone, keys, and Hermes purse before she makes her way out of the door. She comes to a halt on the top step in front of her building, her breath hitching in her throat at the sight of him. It still taking her off guard regardless of the message she'd just gotten.

She eyes him then, the way he leans against the black Lexus. His khaki pants clad legs crossed at the ankles, his outfit topped off with a white dress shirt and a dark blue sweater. Two cups of coffee in his hand and the remains of a slight smile on his lips. She wills out another deep breath, her head tilting to the side as she moves the four steps down to the pavement, slowly coming to a halt in front of him again.

"You didn't think I'd let you do this alone, did you?"

Her eyes flicker up to meet his and she catches his lips curling up ever so slightly, a motion she mirrors because of course, he would be there if he knew, the question was just how did he know. The question not pronounced but asked all the same with a tilt of her head and the way her eyes search for an answer in his own.

He sighs softly and matches the way she tilts her head to the side, his own 'I know you too' look on his face and it's his way of answering her inquiry without using words. He doesn't get to see her in casual clothing that often or at all so he gives himself a moment to take her beauty in. Wishes he could tell her how beautiful she looks, just like he'd done last night when he had her in her arms, but they're back to normal. And telling her that is not something he could do before so he feels like he can't now either but he thinks it all the same.

"Here," he speaks instead, extending his right arm towards her and hands her a coffee, telling her it's her favourite order when he spots the other unspoken question in her eyes. "Skim milk, sugar and -"

"Whipped cream."

The last ingredient leaving her lips in a breathless whisper at the same time he pronounces it. She curses the two words now, bringing the memory of her dream and the other time back and she can't remember if he ever uttered the words in her presence before but she did ask. She wonders now why she asked, even without words and for a moment she doesn't like how he can read her too. She briefly wonders if he noticed her reaction; if his reaction would be the same but she didn't see any hint of it so she pushes the thoughts away, again. As always. They have more important things ahead anyway.

"Thank you," she breathes slowly, taking the cup from his hand.

He feels his jaw clench ever so slightly when her fingers brush against his own and he instantly steps aside, opening the door of the car for the redhead.

He closes the door behind her and rounds the car, using the moment out of her direct line of sight to think over the look on her face just seconds before. As if she'd been lost in thought and if only he knew which thoughts those were; if they were close to his own but he tells himself it can't be. She told him that much, so he connects the look to the day ahead. The goodbyes soon to be said.

When he gets into the car on the other side and her gaze is resting on some point in the distance, a sombre look on her face he knows his last assumption could only have been the correct one.

"JFK airport," he tells Ray now, leaning back into the seat. His own gaze finding her red locks one more time before he redirects his gaze ahead and focuses on the vanilla flavoured coffee in his hand.

.

.

Mike and Rachel follow the cab driver around the yellow car to the trunk. The driver opens the hood for the newlyweds but doesn't get the chance to help them lift out any luggage when Rachel reaches into her purse to pay the man. Mike lets his wife take care of the financials as he goes ahead and reaches into the trunk for their first suitcase. The heavy object bumping against the edge of the car on its way out.

"Need a hand?"

A laugh escapes Mike at the familiar voice of the older lawyer and the hand that falls on his shoulder seconds later, he turns around on his spot. Now eyeing their two friends he breaks out into a smile.

"If I'd known you'd come to carry our luggage we wouldn't have taken a cab."

Harvey rolls his eyes at the younger man's comment and he shakes his head pretending not to be amused but it only reminds him of how much he's going to miss the pup. "I'll get you a cart," the older lawyer reasons instead but shows no actual sign of doing so. "Wouldn't want you to strand as soon as you land in Seattle, not being able to carry your own luggage. You sure you're going to be able to run this thing?"

Rachel chuckles softly and shakes her head at the banter between the two men, then quietly turns to look at her friend. Both women swallowing, fighting their emotions as they nod once before the new bride steps forward and engulfs the redhead into an embrace. Holding her friend tightly, she bites down on her tongue to stop the tears from welling in her eyes. "I'm going to miss you so much."

Donna hears it though, the sadness in the young lawyer's voice the words were delivered with and she swallows once. Tries to stop her own tears from spilling and instead of saying the words back, something all of them know to be true, she tries to lift the mood. "Ooh come on," she teases. "Two newlyweds starting their big adventure, you won't have the time to miss me. You'll be too busy being happy."

Rachel swallows, clutching her friend closer in her embrace. Her voice softer this time around as she whispers. "You should too, you know," she pauses to pull back, make sure she looks the redhead in the eye as the next words come. "Allow yourself to be happy."

Donna swallows once, she presses her lips into a thin line and nods at her friend's words. A silent promise to do try to do so, not getting into how difficult that could be but just letting her friend believe she's alright. She squeezes the brunette's arms one last time. "I love you, Rach."

"I love you too, Donna."

Mike lets his hand rest on top of the handle of his suitcase, a deep sigh escaping him as the situation becomes a little bit too much. He's never been a fan of saying goodbye, the opportunity taken away from him too many times already so he feels a little out of place right now. Swallowing thickly, he turns to face his mentor, the one that gave him a hand and quite literally changed his life. "Alright old man, if you ever need legal advice -"

"Jessica is one call away," Harvey interrupts Mike's comment, making both men grin. "I know," he adds with a nod then, not wanting to say the words either cause it isn't a goodbye. Instead, he lifts his arm and accepts one last embrace of his friend. Both men tapping their hands on the other's shoulder before they part again. "Go kick ass."

Rachel smiles watching her husband and former boss say goodbye, her gaze soon met by Harvey's. "That goes for you too," he adds with a sincere smile. "You're one hell of an attorney, Mrs Ross."

"He took my name, you know," Rachel jokes around, laughing loudly when she notices the confused look on his face. Seemingly believing her for a second despite having been present at the entire event.

"Thank you, Harvey," the young brunette speaks now, stepping forward to give the older lawyer a hug too. They aren't the closest of friends but for the moment it feels appropriate. "For everything."

"No problem," he answers as he parts from their embrace and he nods once. "Take care of him."

Rachel smiles softly and nods. "I will if you will," she replies.

Harvey nods once more, his gaze now flickering to the redhead in question. A motion that doesn't go unnoticed and Rachel turns around to look at her husband and friend wrapped up in an embrace of their own.

"Thank you for everything, Donna," Mike whispers, holding her a little closer as he fights the tears from welling in his eyes. "For allowing me in that interview room and having my back ever since."

"More like saving your ass," the redhead jokes, tapping the man's arm as they pull apart. Her glassy hazel eyes meeting equally glassy blue ones. "Thank you for being you," she speaks now. "For stumbling into our lives and making it better. I'm going to miss you, pup."

Mike snickers at her comment, hasn't been called such since his first year at the firm but he lets it slide for old time's sake. "Thanks, mom," he answers pressing a kiss against her cheek before fully parting and joining his wife's side again.

The group of four share an eerily quiet moment, the looks exchanged conveying their unspoken last minute messages. A smile and wave from Rachel to Donna, a knowing look with a nod from Mike to Harvey.

"Alright," Harvey croaks the word out trying his best to keep his voice steady. "Off you go, don't want you guys to miss your flight."

The newlyweds nod once more, blinking twice to stop the tears before they glance at each other. "Ready?" Mike asks his wife now, offering his hand.

"Yeah," she whispers softly, letting her digits slide between his. "I am," she adds with a smile, looking over her shoulder at her friends one last time before they push their luggage trolley through the departure hall, off on their adventure. Onto their new lives.

The older duo remains rooted in their spot, both watching their friends disappear into the crowd.

Donna bites down on her quivering lip, trying to stay strong for herself, for their friends and for him, as she continues waving at the silhouettes of the lovebirds. Telling herself what she already knows, they'll be fine but she uses the words on repeat in her mind to stop the tears from slipping down her cheek.

Harvey raises his left hand one last time, letting it drop to the side as he silently stares at the crowd now. His breaths heavy and his eyes slightly glassy, he doesn't have to look to the side to know that the woman beside him is experiencing the exact same emotions and maybe even more but he does anyway. Wants to be there for her, would take away her pain if he could.

He knows it's not that easy but he does know he can offer her his support, his comfort, and he tells himself it's only and can only be that as he extends his right hand, letting his fingers slip over her pulse point until he holds her hand. Squeezing it softly before her hand folds around his thumb.

It's become surprisingly easier for him to do so, to reach out and touch her. What seemed so scary, so risky for over a decade now in its own way having become addictive. Selfishly using this moment to cater a need he can't and won't define based on her words, but he needs and cherishes the moment, any moment with her, all the same.

"You okay?"

Harvey whispers the question, softly tugging on her hand once more. He watches her bite her lip and take a deep breath before she turns to face him. He knows she did it to compose herself, but her eyes and the general expression on her face tell him she isn't and he steps towards her.

Bringing his left hand around her shoulder and pulling her against him, her head landing in the crook of his neck as muffled sobs fill the space between them. His hand rubs over her shoulder and for the briefest of moments he allows his chin to rest on top of her head.

"We'll be okay," he tells her after a minute, bringing his arm that's wrapped around her back to her left arm. Resting it there as he takes a step back, waiting for her gaze to meet his before he nods and repeat the words.

She blinks twice and nods at his words, slowly bringing her right hand to her face to wipe away the remainder of tears and she's secretly grateful he didn't do that for her. The moment they shared could in no shape way or form be that but she thinks that would have been too much to handle. She only realises holding his hand had that effect too when his slips away.

He bobs his head up and down one last time, clenches his right hand behind his back at the absence of her touch that left his entire hand tingling. His skin set aflame, but there's no point in feeling that if she doesn't feel that. He scrapes his throat, takes another step back, increasing the space between them before he glances back to the car still waiting outside.

"Come on, let's go."

.

.

The ride from JFK airport back into Manhattan is silent but comfortable. No words needed to convey messages of comfort, the company of the other enough to do so already as soft jazz sounds echo through the black Lexus.

When the car turns to the right and comes to a halt next to the sidewalk in the middle of the street, she first turns to look out of the window and then back at him.

"Thought we'd get lunch," he answers her unspoken question, adding a soft smile to his words as he turns to his left. Getting out of the car before she can answer or question his words and he walks around the back of the car to open the door on her side, hand automatically extended to help her out of the car.

She hesitates for a moment before placing her left hand on his own, allowing him to help her out of the car. Pulling her hand back the second she has both feet firmly planted onto the sidewalk. She decides to smile in return, her way of answering it's okay. She knows him well enough to not search for any hidden meaning behind it, though the location. The diner, her diner and in a way their diner makes her swallow, she pushes the thoughts away. It was just what they did. Keeping the other busy in times of need, often with a drink or a trip to a location that was special to the other and this was his way of doing that for her.

"Thought you didn't like this place," she can't help but comment as he closes the car door behind her, his hand briefly lingering behind her but it never lands on the small of her back. The half gesture enough to guide her forward all the same.

"Not as shitty as that Thai place you keep ordering from."

His comment sincere but just like hers made to break the solemn mood, even if it's just for a moment.

It works though as a heartfelt laugh fills the space between them. The first and probably last one of the day. She knows he doesn't mind either place at all, the Thai restaurant just something to tease her about since she messed up his order the first time around. The diner, a place that was always hers, just like the old jazz club his father used to perform was his: a place they rarely brought other too.

"Well," he motions with a bob of his head as he opens the glass door to the diner for her. "Go on."

Any other day she would have teased him on his gentleman like behaviour but not today. Today she merely nods and makes her way inside the little establishment. Another nod directed at the owner, an old lady, behind the bar as the two quietly make their way to the booth on the side they sat years before.

.

.

"God he was so pissed when I told him not to, drank an entire bottle of Gatorade on our way over to the firm."

She laughs, shakes her head at the story he's telling her and she takes another bite of the waffles in front of her. "You should have never told him you did that to Louis."

"How do you know that was me?"

"Please," she reasons, her mouth still half full. She takes a sip of her coffee next and signals herself with a wave of her hand leaving her catchphrase unspoken.

He knows what she means, heard the words many times in his life not to but he thinks they're wrong. At least when it comes to them, or more precisely him. There's so much she doesn't know about him and how much she means to him. What she makes him feel and do but there's no point in telling her that. He knows where she stands and he's never known the redhead for changing her mind on something small, their argument on which was the best Star Trek quote still on going after eleven years, let alone something like this. She doesn't want more and she didn't feel anything he reminds himself again and he's going to have to live with that. Anything to keep them as them, to keep her in his life.

She lets out a soft sigh as she places her cup down on the table, her lips curling up into a small smile as she eyes him. "Thank you."

"For what?" His brows knit together in a beat, not entirely sure where her words were coming from.

"I know we've been talking about them," she continues, pausing for a moment as she looks down at her now empty plate. "But I haven't thought about them leaving for over an hour."

He takes in her words and slowly bobs his head up and down in agreement, but his lips settle into a thin line and he can't help but think about it now. His gaze falling on the small table between them.

Donna notices the change in his behaviour, how his smile slowly fades and makes place for that grave look she saw earlier that day. She swallows then, biting her own lip. That hadn't been the intention of her words and she suddenly regrets saying them in the first place.

"You know he's going to call you for help in no time, don't you?"

He snickers softly at her words, an attempt to lift his spirits and it works for a second but it wasn't exactly what was on his mind. "It's not that."

Donna watches him for a moment, her hand falling around the empty coffee cup, she traces the edge of the handle as she thinks about the last twenty-four hours. In particular the exchange she witnessed last night just before he drove her home, and one glance at the look on his face as they said goodnight had told her not to ask. She does now though.

"What did Robert say last night?"

His brows furrow at her question but he isn't surprised she's asking, knows well enough she must have seen it when she returned from the bathroom as he was waiting for her. He'd been surprised she let it slide then but that doesn't mean he's keen on talking about it now

"Nothing we can't fix," he tries to dismiss her question and reassure her in one sentence but he should know better after thirteen years, the way her head tilts to the right already confirming that.

"Harvey."

His jaw clenches at the way she pronounces his name and he sighs once before giving in and telling her what he should have told her right away. "Robert is going to be the managing partner."

"Wh- what?" She stutters, her fidgeting coming to a halt as she leans forward, both elbows hitting the table. She knew about Louis going to Robert for help, but she didn't know this detail. "Harvey, I -" Her hand stretches over the table but she doesn't reach for him. "I'm sorry."

He frowns at her apology and shakes his head in disagreement. "I'm not going to let that happen."

Her mouth parts slowly this time around, struggling with the words to say she leans back against the booth instead bringing her hand back to her cup to steady herself. She doesn't want to disagree, hates the news as much as he does but she has to remind him of his own request.

"Harvey, you told us, Louis... Whatever it takes."

He feels his jaw set again and he looks down at his own hand on the table. "I know." The words come with a deep sigh and he bites down on his tongue to hide how much this actually hurts him. "But this, I … What will -"

She presses her lips together in a thin line and carefully chooses her next words, been put in the difficult position of both having to comfort him and remind him of what they were asked to do and stand by what Louis did.

"You deserve that position more than anyone," she tells him sincerely, pausing her words until his gaze meets her own once more. "And you'll get it back one day, I'm sure of it," she reassures him with a smile. "But a great managing partner, like I know you to be, will also keep his word when someone did exactly as asked. The firm is still standing, we need to trust Louis."

He exhales slowly, her words of reassurance, the faith she has in him enough to let the disappointment and anger subside for a while and he nods then. "Thanks, Donna."

"No need to thank me," she reasons with a sincere smile. "Tomorrow we'll obviously start planning on how to get you that title back."

He grins at her words, knows they're the furthest thing from what they'll be doing as they're the exact opposite of what she told him before. But he likes her support all the same, has meant and will always mean a lot to him that she has his back.

"Or we could do that right now," he counters instead of telling her how grateful he really is, but he knows she knows. It's always been that way.

"Maybe," she toys with the idea, pursing her lips to the side. "If you buy me another coffee."

Her demand barely spoken, his hand is already in the air to signal the waitress for another round of coffees. His movement making her laugh and suddenly the soon to be ex-managing partner and chief operating officer find themselves mirroring their, over a decade younger, selves.

Having an amusing conversation, as the now also cold beverages come and go, the plan however not what they talk about. Instead, she tells him how Louis helped Mike and Rachel with his donation. The more positive news resulting in already shared memories to be shared again.

The conversations distracting both of them from the sadness they felt that morning and the awkwardness over the past couple of weeks, it's one coffee, a glass of water and a vanilla milkshake topped with whipped cream further that the redhead's mind catches up on all the different details right in front of her and pieces them together in that one memory she so desperately tried to forget.

Suddenly aware of who she was with, what their situation was and how vastly different it is from her dream that morning. Her dream in general deep down, she feels overwhelmed.

His smile suddenly too bright, his hand on the table too close to her own and her name rolling off of his tongue in that tone of voice he only has for her, makes her want to scream.

Just scream and tell, no blurt out, that she lied. Lied about not wanting more, lied about not feeling anything but how could she ever do just that when telling him might break them apart. The one thing she isn't willing to let happen.

Each day that passed since that night, her willingness to believe her own lies and how sure he seemed to be about not wanting more, grew. Repeating them often enough until they are truths again; an odd security she clings too, to keep them as them. He asked if things were back to normal and he hadn't corrected her answer, so they had agreed. This was just what they were.

Her mind on overdrive, mixing one thing with another until she's so confused, so uneasy that she doesn't even notice she pushed herself to stand, only realising her actions when his confused gaze flickers up.

"I uhm," she mumbles, her hand landing on the surface for support as she tries to find her words. "I have a yoga class," she pronounces the words as soon as she remembers it and this time she doesn't mean the solo session she had that morning.

His confused expression fades but the genuine relaxed smile on his face doesn't return. Instead, he presses his lips into a thin line and bobs his head up and down in understanding.

"I forgot," she adds with a more apologetic smile this time around, the words the truth but she also didn't want to look like she was, in fact, running away.

The corner of his lip tugs up at that, he realised it must have been that but he feels a weird sense of pride in having made her forget. It had been his intention to distract her from Mike and Rachel's goodbye but this was even better. He gets up himself then, reaches for his wallet and places two fifty dollar bills on the table. "Want me to give you a ride?"

She hesitates for a moment but shakes her head at last. "I think I'll walk," she answers, now moving out of the booth and she stands there for the briefest of moments. Not sure on how to say goodbye to him now, she settles on a small smile and a wave of her hand. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah," he answers. "See you tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3 - Zane

Thanks, everyone for the favs, the follows and especially the reviews, they made my day/week. I didn't get to write as much as I wanted this week, but I figured I'd update anyway as this chapter was already done. Now, this was written before that Robert and Harvey at the wedding clip we got to see from S8, and the vibe in this fic is kinda different from what that is apparently going to be which has me intrigued. Anyway, here's the third chapter. I really hope you'll enjoy and maybe leave me a review if you liked it. I'd love that. Enjoy, X - M

* * *

 **LIES**

 **Chapter Three | Zane**

* * *

He takes a sip from his vanilla flavoured coffee, gaze returning on the red brick building in front of him as he leans against the black town car that morning. He sighs once more as he waits for the first confrontation of the day, mind mulling over what he should say as he's fully aware nothing will be the same after this conversation but really after the moment he steps foot inside the firm.

He lets his gaze trail up over the facade, counts the windows and he notices a light turn off. For the few times he's been here he's never really paid attention to his surroundings. That never having been the purpose of his visits either, just something he realises now as he contemplates his future.

Hearing the distant sound of a lock turn he glances back down at the black door, the sound followed by laughter of two people and the blonde hair coming into view once the door opens takes him off guard for a moment.

Sheila Sazs on Louis' arm.

He shakes his head ever so slightly, reminds himself of what he witnessed at their friend's wedding and that he should have known better. He smiles then, happy for his friend.

"Louis," he greets his fellow name partner at last.

The lawyer stops in his tracks, halting the woman on his side in the same movement and he redirects his gaze back and forth between the two, eventually landing on Sheila again as he tells her goodbye and kisses her cheek.

"Harvey," Louis speaks now, quickly walking over the path through the front yard to the car. One look at his colleagues face tells him he's heard the news already. "You heard?"

Harvey nods calmly.

"I had no choice. The firm -"

"It's what I asked you to do," Harvey interrupts Louis explanation, not entirely sure he wants or is able to hear it but he remembers what Donna told him.

"He only told his conditions after we signed the papers to stop Stanley," Louis explains regardless. "If I'd known upfront, I don't know -"

"You did the right thing."

"I should have told you at the wedding but it was already done and not the place," the older lawyer continues. "I was going to tell you this morning, we will figure out a way to undo it, Harvey."

Harvey smiles to himself at Louis' words, how close they are to the redheads but he shakes his head regardless. "I don't know if we should," he admits .

Louis is taken off guard by the other man's words, knows that the position in question had been his ultimate goal his entire career, much like his own but he had accepted the fact of not being made for the job months ago. This news however, not something he ever expected to hear and he finds himself thinking of ideas. Not to convince his friend otherwise but another plan to go about the future of the firm and he blurts out the words as soon as the thought crosses his mind. "What if we promote Katrina?"

"What?" the soon-to-be ex-managing partner's brows knit together in a frown.

"Katrina," Louis states again. "Let's make her senior partner. She's more than capable, she worked for Zane before so either he'll do it eventually or we do it now before the official change. She'll be on our side forever. We'll have an extra vote at the table."

Harvey thinks over Louis' suggestion, sighing once now that he thinks of the changes ahead once more. "I'm not sure," he answers truthfully, now motioning the car as they make their way to it, he opens the door on his side and waits for Louis to reach the other side before he speaks. "But if you think we should, I'll support it."

.

.

The two name partners step out of the elevator on the fiftieth floor half an hour later, exchange a nod before the older one goes his own way, leaving Harvey behind to stare at the two names on the wall.

He lets his gaze roam over the seven letters, a deep sigh escaping him when he reaches the 'R'. Allowing himself one last glance at the wall, he turns on his spot and saunters through the hallway towards his office. A groan now leaving his lips as he comes to a halt at the sight in front of him.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he brings his hand to the bridge of his nose and pinches it once, feeling a headache coming up. His shoulders drop then, his hand along with it and he pushes the door to his office open.

"Robert, not now."

The lawyer breaks his stare out of the window and turns around on his spot. "Actually, Harvey," he speaks before the other lawyer can continue. "We needed to have this conversation yesterday but I gave you a day to process the news."

"That being said," Robert pauses taking another step forward until he's next to Harvey's desk. His hand landing on it. "It's happening. My name's going up there first thing next Monday and I'm going to be the managing partner," Rachel's father completes his demand by looking around the office, his gaze eventually settling on the desk and he taps his hand on the marble surface twice.

Harvey's jaw clenches at the tapping sound, and he swallows once as his gaze drifts to the wall on his left. "No," he objects to what he already knew was coming, emphasising his words by walking around his desk and pulling back his chair before he looks at Robert again. "You're not getting my office too."

Robert looks down for a moment and shakes his head at the other lawyer's stubbornness. He makes his way back to the door, his hand already on the handle when he stalls and looks over his shoulder. "Harvey, I'm giving you a week and then this will be mine. The managing partner's office belongs to the managing partner," he comments, opening the door now. "And I'd advise you not to pick a fight with your new boss."

Harvey bites down on his tongue, gaze narrowing in on the other man as he slams his fist on the table and he groans, both in pain and annoyance. He pulls his hand back, clenches it twice and pushes a folder on the edge of his table. Making it fly through the air, files falling out and darting to the ground. He ignores the mess he created and quickly calls after the lawyer instead. "Robert."

Harvey waits for him to step back into the office, the older man's face now pure annoyance but it's exactly what he feels inside. Annoyed at the situation he inevitably created, annoyed at losing his position but he has to try. If he can't save his own, he'll save hers. "Zane Specter Litt will keep our current COO and that's non-negotiable."

Robert takes in his request, tilts his head to the left and glances at the wall of the office's he knows to be the COO in question. His gaze returning to Harvey soon after, the look on the younger man's face giving away he's serious. "She's underqualified and -"

"Robert."

Zane sighs, shakes his head and rocks back and forth on his spot. "I'm sure she's great at what she does but –"

Harvey marches around his desk now, anger about the entire situation getting the better of him and he goes toe to toe with the other man. "You promise me right now Donna keeps her position or I swear to god I'll pull this entire deal and don't think twice about it," he fires back.

"Specter Litt may go down in a month or we might live to fight like we've done for years but one thing is for certain you won't have a firm at all to tie your name too. Take it or leave it."

Robert swallows now, knows it's a bold statement maybe even a bluff but he also knows there's a truth to the words. His old firm having fallen apart behind his back and the opportunity he has here won't present itself anywhere else.

He takes his decision in a split second, the career he built too much to throw away over the position of someone else. One he might be able to change later anyway, but for now, he gives in. He doesn't pronounce the words, won't allow the other man that satisfaction but he extends his hand instead.

Harvey's gaze drops to the extended hand and he momentarily doesn't care about his own position anymore. The guarantee of having saved hers already feeling like a weight lifted off of his chest. Quietly he mirrors the motion and shakes the lawyer's hand, agreeing to the terms they just set.

.

.

Pen in her mouth, her foot tapping against the floor, the redhead flips through the stack of files in her hand as she waits for the elevator to arrive on the forty-sixth floor. Letting the papers slip through her fingers when the ding of the elevator momentarily wakes her from her task, but she returns to reading the employee files as soon as the doors open and she blindly enters the small metal box.

She doesn't pay much attention to the other woman inside the elevator. A quick glance at the nude Jimmy Choo four inch heels, the hums and sighs that follow a voice she can't hear, tell her enough for now. So she turns around to face the metal door, mindlessly presses the button of the fiftieth floor and she misses how it's already been pressed before.

"Of course I'm going to demand that."

Donna looks up from her files when she hears the woman's voice echo through the small room. A lawyer she thinks to herself, shaking her head cause what else.

"I'm expected to move to a firm that once hired a fraud."

The redhead swallows at that, her lips setting in a thin line, she fights the urge to sigh loudly. She knows the words are the truth, how it was all over the news at the time. Hell, she was part of it from the very start but hearing someone she's never seen before talk about Mike Ross like that is another thing.

The first line she heard the woman speak however preventing her from turning around and ripping the woman to shreds, she's smart enough to realise the mystery woman comes with the deal they made with Zane. A deal Louis fought tooth and nail for to get, a deal she urged Harvey to accept, so she simply can't jeopardise all that over something they were indeed guilty off.

"Not that I'm surprised," the woman continues now. "Harvey Specter ran this place for a while after all."

That's it.

Donna's jaw clenches and her grasp on the paper increases. Carefully selected expletives on the tip of her tongue, she's about to turn around and use them all when the elevator comes to a halt and the doors open. The mystery woman stepping out onto the fiftieth floor before the redhead can. She lets out a deep breath, bites down on her tongue but she can't help but let the word slip.

"Bitch."

She hopes the woman will be out of her sight now but luck isn't on her side when she spots the blonde at the reception. She hears the lawyer pronounce his name again and it makes her stomach flip, protectiveness kicking in with a slight hint of jealousy. The first however wins it and she tries to make her way to her office quickly and quietly, in search for her phone to at least warn him.

"Donna," Louis' voice interrupts her thoughts and she greets the man with a simple nod. Letting him follow her into her office as she marches through the door and drops the papers on her desk.

"Robert's deal it -"

"I know," she answers, looking down for a moment before she turns around and leans against her desk. She gives the lawyer a faint smile. "Harvey told me."

.

.

"Let me get you the file," Harvey tells Alex as they round the reception and pass the cubicles towards the name partner's office. His headache and annoyance immediately returning when he spots an intruder in his office yet again that day.

"Who the hell are you?"

The blonde woman turns on her spot but before she can answer the other senior partner does. "That's Sam Wheeler."

"Actually, Alex," she interrupts her former classmate by lifting up her hand. "I prefer Samantha," she emphasises her full name, extending her hand for Harvey to shake but he doesn't.

Instead, he steps aside and makes his way over to his desk, pulling back his chair his attention caught by the file he threw on the floor now neatly placed on the surface. He reaches for another stack of files and starts looking through them. "And I actually prefer my office empty."

"I heard it isn't yours for long though."

He lifts his head in a beat at those words, brows setting into a frown and his gaze narrows in on the blonde. He exhales loudly, tries to control his agitation and the next sentence to leave his lips comes through gritted teeth. "What do you want?"

Samantha takes a step forwards to his desk, Alex following her suit and she crosses her arms in front of her chest as she gives the lawyer the same pointed look he's giving her. "I'd like for you, on your remaining hours as managing partner of this firm, you not to be dick to your new employee."

"Sam," Alex warns her, taking a final step forward too and his hand lands on her elbow for a moment.

She turns to look over her shoulder in an instant, moving out of his grasp. "It's Samantha," she reminds him, but in reality both men again before she turns to face Harvey once more. "And perhaps welcome me to the firm."

"Welcome," he mutters rather forcefully, the tone in his voice giving away how fake that greeting really was and he redirects his gaze to Alex again. Lifting the file he referred to earlier from his desk, he hands it over to the lawyer. Ordering an update on the case at the end of the day before Alex leaves again.

Noticing the intruder is still in his office, he sighs loudly and sits down in his chair. "Can't you leave?"

"Can't you be a human being for five seconds."

Harvey exhales loudly now, barely able to contain himself from lashing out even further but he can also practically hear the redhead sigh and roll her eyes from the other side of the wall even though there's no way she could have heard this. He decides then that it might indeed be best to act civil for a moment, just long enough for him to be left alone after. "You worked for Zane?"

"I did," Samantha answers with a nod. "Still do, I guess. Just from here now on."

He nods in understanding and notices the slight hint of hesitation that came with the latter part of her statement. "You want to know where exactly you'll be working from," he rephrases her sentence.

"Yeah, since this one is taken any other corner office would do." The new lawyer counters with a grin as she looks around the room again, facing Harvey at last as she waits for an answer.

He thinks over his answer for a moment, then realising it wasn't even his decision to make. Not just in a week but even now. "You'll need to talk to Donna, my COO, about that."

The words the truth, but he feels like a dick for pondering the woman off to her nevertheless. He figures he'll find a way to make it up to the redhead later but right now he just wants to be done with this.

"And where would I find her?"

"Donna," he reminds her just like she had put emphasis on her own name. "Is next door," he adds then, signalling to the right with his hand.

Samantha follows the motion of his hand, half expecting to find a door or window in the wall next to her at the way the man presented the statement. Both in tone and motion but there isn't. "Alright," she agrees at last, letting her handbag slide down her shoulder until she holds it with both hands. "Next door," she repeats with a bob of her head, backing away now. "Got it."

.

.

Shoulders slumped, mood barely approved at the end of the day and his mind is still occupied with cases to be closed before the official name change, he drags his feet over the carpet. Slowly taking the ten steps it takes from his office to hers, he places his phone back into the pocket of his pants and he forgoes knocking on the door as he steps inside her office.

"I ordered from that Shitty Thai place you love."

The four colour bic pen drops from her hand and her head bobs up in a beat at the sound of his voice, her gaze not having a chance to lock in on his as she glances at the door but he makes his way further inside and drops himself down on her couch.

"Harvey."

His name leaving her lips both a question and a warning.

"Please."

The softness his answer comes with already pulling on her heartstrings but it's the sigh that follows and the way his head falls down on the backrest of her couch, his eyes closing along with the movement that makes her give in and not question any further.

"Okay."

She reaches for the pen again, now placing it down on its rightful spot and she closes the folder she'd been reading. Leaving both to be continued the following workday as his presence usually meant the end of one.

She eyes him for a moment, still seated on her couch not having moved an inch and she grins to herself at the sight of it. Reminds her of the early days in their career, the long cases they worked and how at the end of some days he'd just be drained. It's why she started ordering food for them in the first place, it's how she grew into her love for scotch.

"You still awake?" Her question a tease as she rolls her chair back and moves to the decanter with the auburn liquid in question.

"Unfortunately."

She laughs softly, pours them both a glass and walks her way over to the couch. "Is my presence that boring?"

He feels the corner of his lips tug up and he pries an eye open to distract her from that motion. "I think you know the answer to that," he counters, sitting back up now as he takes the glass of scotch she offers him.

"Thanks," he whispers after taking a sip, reeling in the burning sensation of the alcohol slipping down his throat. He absentmindedly licks his lips and places the glass down on her coffee table, watching her walk over to the delivery guy that had just appeared at her door.

She takes the paper bag, says thanks the young man for the delivery and places the item down on the table in front of her. Immediately unpacking the bag, she removes the two cardboard boxes and places them and the chopsticks that come with them on the table.

"You coming?" She asks him without looking over her shoulder in his direction, instead, she walks over to get the decanter with scotch and places it on the table just when he joins her with both their glasses.

They eat in relative silence, can't help but find themselves comparing the orders they always take. She laughs at his struggle with the chopsticks like usual but it's him who steals a piece of her chicken.

"That's mine."

He shrugs once, her words reminding him of the argument he had regarding his office earlier than morning but he doesn't bring it up. Instead, he apologises. "I'm sorry I dropped that woman on your plate today. What's her name again?"

"Sam Wheeler," Donna answers in a beat, holding back a sigh. She had after all had the distinct pleasure of not one but two run ins with the woman, the second rather amusing on her part as the woman found herself grovelling when she realised what the redhead overheard in the elevator.

"Samantha," both correct themselves mimicking the blonde's voice and they share a knowing look after.

"I gave her Paul Porter's old office."

Her sentence nearly makes him choke on his noodles, coughing twice he reaches for his glass and he downs the remainder of alcohol in one go. And then he laughs, once, twice until she joins him and he feels tears prickling in his eyes.

"God," he sighs, trying to catch his breath. "Dumped on the 46th floor. Serves her right," he adds, snickering again. He glances at Donna and watches her for a moment. Her action something he could and would have easily done but he hadn't expected it from her. "Why?"

The redhead shrugs but can't hide her grin at their shared sentiment towards the newcomer. "She's annoying," she reasons, trying to justify her actions but she won't tell him what she actually heard the woman say before. "Harvey, what are we going to do about this woman."

He looks down for a moment, presses his lips together in a thin line as he thinks over his words. Wish he could say fire her but he can't, neither can he make a deal to torture her away. Not after his own deal with Robert, can't do anything to jeopardise that. So he settles on the next best thing. "Ignore her."

Donna chuckles now, she knows he meant it in all seriousness but she also knows they both know better and that the chances of doing so are very slim. Not just from their part. "I doubt that will work."

He gives her a faint smile and focuses on his Thai food again. Struggling with the chopsticks yet again he looks at the way she's holding hers for a moment, copying her movements.

"Thank you," he breathes then before taking a bite and he quickly swallows his piece of courgette when he feels her gaze turning towards him. "For being you."

She feels her breath hitch ever so slightly and a warmth creeping up over her cheeks. His words taking her off guard and she doesn't know how to answer him except for a soft smile. Quickly diverting her focus on her food in front of her after, busying her hands with the chopsticks and tracing the rim of the cardboard box.

"Zane's taking my office."

He breaks the comfortable silence after a few minutes and she swallows at his statement. His tone giving away how much that really meant to him and she wishes she could stop it from happening but she knows there's no point. Not if he brings her the news like this.

"Why didn't you tell me yesterday?" She asks instead of pronouncing her sympathy, that a foregone conclusion.

He shakes his head and sighs. "I don't know," he admits, even though he hadn't heard this part of the deal until today. He'd known, deep down he'd known. Just like Jessica had taken Hardman's office and he had taken his mentor's, it was the tradition.

"I guess I'm going back to my old office."

She bobs her head up and down in acknowledgement, that being the logical solution and it was her decision to make in the end. That office still lived and breathed Harvey Specter, even if Mike took care of it for a couple of months, it was the only logical solution.

"I'm not moving back to that cubicle though."

He smiles at her words, reminds himself of the deal he made with Robert but he doesn't tell her. "Never," he agrees, because as much as he missed having her in his sight all throughout the day, they've changed too much and there's too much about that time he doesn't want to return to.

.

.

He stands in the elevator late that Friday afternoon, mindlessly pressing the button of the fiftieth floor as he backs away into the metal box. Letting his shoulders meet the mirrored wall, he crosses his arms and he leans against it. Finally allowing himself to let out a tired breath, the entire week having been a hell.

From Robert showing up and making his demands, to the newcomer joining their firm a week ahead of Zane. On top of pissing off both Alex and Louis, she'd also hijacked his case by showing up at client meetings more than once and he was more than done with it already.

Tilting his head backwards against the wall too, he closes his eyes for a second, enjoying the twenty seconds of peace left on his elevator ride up. The only other moments that had come close to this the ones with her, just catching up at the end of the day over a glass of scotch.

Something that wasn't necessary to begin with but they both hid behind their positions to allow themselves the time spent with each other. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

He groans then, realising that excuse will fall away too just over the weekend and he wonders if that is why she accepted every single one of those moments this week, because she knew they wouldn't have reason to do so anymore soon. The realisation hits him hard and leaves him feeling unravelled.

He doesn't get the chance to really think about why that is as the elevator comes to a halt and the familiar sound echoes through the small area when the doors open. Taking a deep breath, he pushes himself onto his feet and exits onto the fiftieth floor, ready to go to his office and finish up for the day but he finds himself stopped in his tracks only two steps later.

His attention directs to two men in overalls taking down the panels on the wall and much like in the beginning of the week he finds himself staring at his own name. This time nothing more than a pile of letters on the floor.

He slowly shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment, an exasperated sigh escaping him now and even though he knew the change was coming seeing it happen right in front of his eyes and being unable to stop it is too much. He wants to fight it, yell, put someone in their spot, punch the wall and put the letters of his name back where they belong himself but he doesn't have the energy to do any of those thing.

Instead, he turns on his spot and walks away. Needs to remove himself from the situation because he can't bear the confrontation. Keeping his head low and avoiding any glances from Gretchen he makes it to his office. Ready to close himself off from the world and bury himself into paperwork until the night falls.

But for the umpteenth time that week things are out of his control, his chest tightening at the sight of movers in his office. His belongings now packed into boxes or just somewhere on the floor.

Feeling his heart rate increase and his breathing growing heavier he takes a step back. Hand landing on the partition of the empty cubicle behind him, needing physical support for a small moment before he does what he did before, moving along.

Removing himself from the situation as he mutters how it isn't even Monday yet.

This time he finds himself a couple of feet to the left in front of her office, the decor very much the same and unmistakably hers. Enough for him to know at least Robert kept his word on that agreement. But the sight however very much lacks the redhead in question and it only adds to his annoyance, causing him to pull out his phone and give Louis the go ahead on the plan he proposed in the beginning of the week. Anything to limit the change and feel in charge for one last time.

Left without a purpose he now wanders through the rest of the hallway on the fiftieth floor, anything to be away from change personified and he ends up in the other corner of the building, his own former and soon to be new office.

He stalls then, her ginger manes instantly catching his eye and he watches her walk around the office like she owns the place. Much like before yet completely different all the same.

Taking a deep breath he joins her in the room, rocking back and forth on his feet he stuffs his hands in the pocket of his pants.

"What are you doing?"

Taken off guard by his presence, her heart skips a beat and she tears her gaze away from the picture. Now taking a step back and she looks over her shoulder in his direction. "I Uhm," she pauses and signals the image on the wall and she presses her lips into a soft smile.

He watches her and the picture his mother gave him, the combination of both bringing back a lot of recent memories and he nods then, giving her a smile as return before he moves forward and stands next to her. Both watching the object on his wall like many times before.

"Third time's a charm," she whispers then, not daring to look at him from the corner of her eye but she also doesn't wait for his reaction. "I Uhm… I figured you didn't want the movers to do it, so."

He grins and silently agrees with her words, hanging that picture was something that belonged to her. To them. For she was the reason he even went to see his mother in the first place.

He looks down for a moment, remembering the lies he told and he scolds himself for ever doing so even if she never heard them. "Thank you," he tells her then, finally turning to look at her.

His words a logical answer to her actions and yet they take her by surprise, he wasn't really the one to verbally express his gratitude towards a simple motion and she's about to tease him with it when the rest of his statement floors her even more.

"For making me go see my mom. I never said it but thank you."

She swallows once, tries to ignore the way these words make her feel because that's not why she did it. "Harvey, I… That was all -"

Her untimely pause in her sentence makes his stomach turn and he wants to object to it already but can't get himself to use that name in front of her again.

"That was all you."

A strange sense of relief washes over him at that, it's still not the truth. Not how he sees it but he also knows that there won't be any point in arguing with her about it, knows she'll never truly accept the way she's helped him for the sole reason that she doesn't want the credit. It wasn't her job to help him but she did regardless of that, not just in the past year but ever since they met. So he nods and gives her a faint smile in return, just to show he heard her.

Reality sets back in a few seconds later and he finds himself looking around the room, spots a mover scraping off Mike's name from the glass panel, another moving in to place new stickers on it. 'Harvey Specter, senior partner,' is what they'll read, he knows that.

Boxes with his records and belongs scattered around the floor, mixed with the furniture Mike left behind. Then there's her, them, in the middle of the mess. She's there once again to help him transition, guide him through it but it only makes him realise that once that's done and his office is set up, after everything that's taken away from him the thing he'll miss the most is his connection to her. Granted last time it was just a wall between them, but it was the proximity that mattered, the meaning behind it. Always having her near and even that will now come to an end.

"What…"

She glances to her left at the man beside her, the dreaded look on his face pains her to see. The way he sighs makes her want to reach out but she holds back. They may have defined things as back to normal, a new normal that includes touching but that doesn't mean it's easy or always necessary and she can't allow herself to get used to it. To give into that crave and create a need for it.

"What's going to be left –" he pauses, hands balling into fists as he struggles with the words when his thoughts are all but coherent. He feels her gaze rest on him and he takes a deep breath before he tries to continue his sentence.

"I hired a fraud, colluded with god knows how many people to get him out of prison again. Caused the firm to lose the majority of employees, destroyed Jessica's legacy in the process to get it back up and now all of that is for what? For that to be my legacy."

"Harvey."

"Will that be it," he inquires now. "I don't want just that to be – Who will ever –"

She takes a step towards him, her hand landing on his arm for the briefest of moments. Just long enough to get his attention, to make him snap out of his thoughts and focus on her because she needs him to hear her.

"You did what you had to do for the sake of the firm." She watches his expression change and she smiles softly. "And the people that know you will love you for it."

He mirrors her smile. "Thanks Donna."

"Besides," she continues now, a hint of joy returned to her voice as she taps his arm with a flick of her wrist. "Someone is going to have to take over from Robert sometime."

He breathes out a laugh, his eyes softening when they share a look. He nods once more, silently thanking her for everything again before she excuses herself.

"Donna," he calls after her when she reaches the door, making her look around again. "If Robert ever… Your position. I'll make sure you won't lose it."

She tilts her head to the side and presses her lips into a thin smile. "I know."

.

.

The beginning of the next week a combination of one unpleasant situation after the other. Come Monday his name was placed in the middle of the wall, all his belongings brought over to his old office. The title senior partner now prominent under his name on the glass panel where 'Robert Zane' had replaced his name at the other end of the firm. The remainder of offices filled with lawyers that followed the new managing partner.

The first official day of Zane Specter Litt had consisted of one meeting after the other and he somehow found himself in another case with both Alex and Samantha and it made him wish they never lost the connection to the clinic. Would take a pro bono case just to get out of the other.

The only thing he remotely enjoyed that day were the drinks he shared with the redhead at the end of it. Neither ready or willing to put an end to the new found tradition, glasses of scotch now mixed with complaints about their new colleagues.

He thinks about yesterday night and lets out a sigh, wishes this was one of those moments but it isn't. The champagne in his glass not tasting as good as scotch would have been and he shuffles on his spot near the reception desk. Present at an event she arranged for Robert on Louis request, he agreed to it because they have to show their support and present themselves as a uniform front but the name change ceremony is the last place he wants to be right now.

He tenses when he feels her hand on his back, soothingly running up and down his spine and it takes just one glance at the redhead next to him for him to exhale slowly and relax again.

She knows how hard this must be for him, so she smiles softly. Feels somewhat guilty for having to remind him of the speech he has to make but she also knows that if she doesn't he'll be put on the spot by someone else. She bobs her head in the direction of the wall, pulls her hand back and smiles again.

He feels a shiver run down his spine at the absence of her touch but he doesn't allow himself to wallow in that thought. Bringing the glass of champagne to his lips, he downs the remainder of the sparkling alcohol in one go and places the glass on the reception desk behind him before he crosses the crowd and calls for their attention.

His speech is short but to the point. Welcoming Zane and the new lawyers to the firm, he praises the other man's abilities and thanks him from coming to their aid in a time of need. Emphasises how they'll work together to stay on the top. The words all fitting but he isn't one hundred percent sure he means every single one of them, the only reason he even gets the words out her proud smile at the back of the crowd.

"To Zane Specter Litt," he finishes his speech toasting with another glass of champagne and he shakes the new managing partner's hand. Taps Louis on his shoulder and exchanges a few pleasantries when the crowd starts to mingle before he silently saunters away from the happening and retreats to his corner of the firm.

The office dark, filled with his belongings but empty all the same. The place he called home and was part of his identity for over a decade suddenly not feeling like either anymore. Lost his mentor, his associate, his position and his office. Banned to the other corner, like any other generic partner and while the firm has more employees than in the last couple of months he feels alone.

Of the five people he called his family, two still close by but neither an option to burden with his sorrows. Jessica, Mike and Rachel too far away and busy with their own careers to worry about his. Louis just not the right person to confide in, not in this situation after having asked him to arrange what caused all this and Donna already listened to more of his complaints than anyone else and yet he can't tell her what is really on his mind.

Those thoughts too much a mess to even converse about, too much uncertainty and thus with her too much of a risk. He doesn't want to do anything to jeopardise what they have. Doesn't see the point in even getting close to doing so, not after having agreed they were back to normal, not after she confirmed what he had feared.

She didn't feel anything.

"Harvey?"

He wakes from his thoughts at his mother's voice and he blinks twice. Can't remember how he ended up sitting in one of his chairs, phone pressed against his ear and a glass of scotch resting on the table in front of him but in a strange way he's found himself a person to talk to.

"Hey, mom," he greets her, trying to sound as if it had been his plan to call her all along. He reaches for the glass and takes a quick sip before he leans back into his chair. "I uhm… I just…" He laughs at his own inability to formulate sentences. "I guess I just wanted to say hi."

"Well, it's good to hear from you, Harvey. How are things at work?"

He bites down on his tongue and brings his hand to his temple, softly massaging his skin as he tries to come up with an answer. "Ooh you know," he starts, forcing a laugh in the mix because even though he wanted to talk, talking itself isn't that easy yet.

"Busy with cases. We merged the firm to Zane Specter Litt, new people here. The usual," he recites the list as if it's nothing at all, but buried the news that bugged him all the same, not sure if he wants his mother to catch up on that particular thing or not.

He runs his hand through his hair and shifts in his chair, noticing a flash of orange from the corner of his eye he looks up at the door and finds the redhead standing there.

"Hold a second, mom," he speaks into the phone again before he looks up at her once more.

Donna smiles softly at the lawyer, but she doesn't enter his office. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay."

He produces a thought lipped smile and nods once. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Okay." She doesn't fully believe him but she also doesn't want to get into it now. Knows it's best to give him space and he'll come around on his own when he's ready, it's always been like that. "Goodnight, Harvey."

"Goodnight, Donna," he answers softly, in the tone he only uses for her as he keeps his gaze fixed on her retreating form until she disappears from his peripheral vision.

"Donna, huh?"

The moment had just been long enough to make him forget he was on the phone, that is until he hears his mother's voice come through the speaker again, uttering two words that have him wide awake in an instant.

"What?"

"That's her."

His eyes closed and a muscle in his jaw twitched, drawing a deep breath he spoke again. "Mom." One word, used as a warning but a plea at the same time. Not willing to talk about it but not ready to deny it either, the conversation a fine balance between the both and he banks on his memory of his mother not letting things slide, therefore leaving the subject in her hands.

"That's the real special someone. She convinced you to come see me."

He bites down on his tongue, his mother having done exactly what he imagined but that doesn't make it easier. "What do you want me to say?"

"Well," Lily continues, chuckling to herself at the stubbornness of her son. "Is she?"

"Yes."

It's one word, three simple letters but saying them both a task and a liberation. The truth is out there now and this time it's connected to the right person.

That realisation making him feel lighter and he glances at the picture on the wall for a moment. Lips tugging up at the memory of her putting the piece up.

"Yes, she is," he hears himself saying again, the words easier this time around.

"That's wonderful."

His mother's enthusiastic voice making him smile, but his smile soon fades. It both being exactly that and the complete opposite.

"Harvey?" His attention is caught by his mother gain. "Why are you calling me instead of talking to her?"

He sighs, her question implying she saw or rather heard through his facade of pretending everything is fine and he can't deny or pretend it is anymore.

"It's complicated, mom."


	4. Chapter 4 - Macallan 18

**Hello everyone, I'm almost done with the fifth chapter (I've been saying that for days but it keeps getting longer), but I figured I could go ahead and post this one. Thanks everyone for the follows, the favs and those of you that leave reviews. They make my day, so THANK YOU. Here's the longest chapter yet hehe, I hope you'll like it and let me know what you think. Enjoy - M**

* * *

LIES

Chapter Four | Macallan 18

* * *

She lets the auburn liquid swirl around in her glass and laughs at his story. "You can't possibly be serious."

"Wish that I wasn't," he counters, bringing the crystal tumbler to his lips, he finishes it in one big gulp. The alcohol leaving a burning sensation and sighs in appreciation. "I should do what Mike did, take a case from the clinic, maybe I'll be left alone for a chance."

She smiles into her glass and takes a sip too, thinking about their friend now that he mentioned him. "Harvey Specter talking about willingly taking a pro bono case," she teases him, "thought I'd never see the day."

He grins, moves the empty glass around in his hand and removes his feet from his coffee table, placing them back on the ground until he leans forward, an elbow resting on either knee. "Maybe his do-gooder side did rub off… a little."

She glances at him from the corner of his eye and smiles to herself. His statement the truth but not all compassing enough, the man sitting beside her here today wouldn't have been the same without Mike.

"A little yeah," she agrees, looking at her drink. She bites down on her lip and contemplates saying more but she doesn't know what to say. Instead, she finishes her drink too.

He watches her bring the now empty crystal back from her lips, letting it rest in her hand on top of the armrest. "Give me that," he motions with a bob of his head, his hand already rounding the top of the glass as if he'd been waiting for it before she can offer it upon request.

She smiles, doesn't object to his non-verbal question of getting another drink and she quietly watches him get up from his seat and walk over to the decanter on his desk. Her attention being whisked away by the buzzing sound of her phone on the table in front of her. The only reason she reaches for the object is him being at his desk now and Rachel's name has popped up on her screen.

She opens the message, a short note to let her know how things are and a photo of their new place on the other side of the country. She smiles proudly but is overcome with emotions too as she misses her friends dearly.

Harvey turns around, a glass in both hands and he quietly walks back. A frown forming between his brows when he sees her absentmindedly stare at her phone. "Everything okay?" he asks, placing a glass back in front of her on the table as he sits back down in his chair.

She sniffles once, but nods. "Yeah," she whispers now with a smile. She hands over her phone to show him the picture Rachel has send her.

Placing his glass down, he takes over her phone and looks down at the two happy faces of their friends in front of a wall that now reads 'Ross & Zane. Legal aid.' He smiles proudly, glances at the redhead for a moment and they share a proud look. The kid, their kid, has come a long way. He hands her back her phone but reaches for his own. The motion resulting in a questioning look from Donna but she doesn't ask, already knowing he's going to text Mike.

" _ **Good to hear you're still alive. -H"**_

He closes his messages and places his phone on the table, reaches for his glass again as he leans back in his chair. "Just making him feel guilty for not informing me."

She tilts her head to the side, giving him a look that's a mixture of disapproval and understanding and she leans forward to pick up her glass now too. Letting it cling against his. "To Ross and Zane, legal aid."

"Ross and Zane," he toasts with her, sharing this glass and the ones that follow over shared memories about their friends. Speculation about what their lives look like.

Harvey predicting Mike will get in over his head on a case that's seemingly impossible but a too good of a cause to ignore. They both agree that they'll get out of it as well.

The picture Donna paints about Rachel dragging Mike through the city to try all the new to her restaurants makes them both laugh. They settle on the fact that she'll probably bribe the man by getting tacos from a food truck.

Their night ends another two glasses and a now empty decanter later. The office abandoned apart from the two of them, the record that played in the background having stopped over an hour ago and when she slides her empty glass on the table she holds back a yawn.

"I uh... I should go home." Brushing her hands over her legs she wills herself to stand and she does so before any reason to do otherwise on his part could be pronounced. She scoops her phone from the table, yawns for real this time around and she flashes him a somewhat apologetic smile. Suddenly remembering she heard the item buzz a few times but he never picked it up, she points at his phone as she rounds the coffee table. "You should answer Mike."

"Yeah," he mutters in return, shifting to the edge of his seat to reach for the object. His gaze flickering back to her when she announces her goodbyes.

"See you tomorrow."

He nods, wills the same words out and wishes her a good night. He waits until she disappears from his peripheral vision before checking his messages. All from Mike indeed.

" _ **In my defense, I was still at work but I take the firm is busy as ever."**_

Harvey rolls his eyes and shakes his head, can practically hear the younger man say it. Nine o' clock hardly being early to call it a day and share a drink.

" _ **But it's good to see Donna keeps you up to date."**_

He smiles now, that indeed is a good thing. He's sure he would have gotten the news sooner rather than later and he isn't such a texter as Rachel and Donna are.

" _ **Anything you can update me on? You two looked cosy at the wedding."**_

The last message makes him swallows hard, knows the words are a tease. Mike has said a lot about them over the years and it had always been just that but since recently not anymore. Not just for him but neither from Mike.

" _I guess I was rooting for Donna to be with you."_

" _I told Donna to tell you how she feels."_

Now two statements he can accept and maybe even agree with. The thing is though that he knows the answer to the second one and Mike does not, and it wasn't in his favour.

He swallows then, pushing the pointless thoughts aside and he hits reply.

" _ **Thanks for the reminder on why we don't text each other."**_

.

.

She nods at the brunette behind the reception desk, greets Gretchen on her way down to her own office. A habitual glance to the right now lets her gaze fall on Robert Zane and she quickly looks ahead again, shaking her head ever so slightly as she pushes the door to her office open.

A soft laugh escapes her at the sight in front of her. Biting down on her lip, her Marni bag slips down her arm as she walks towards her desk. In specific the bottle of Macallan 18 on it. The sight alone causing a blush to creep up over her cheeks and she looks down at the ground trying to regain her composure.

Dropping her bag on the chair next to her, she reaches for the bottle and turns it over in her hand. Fingers slowly slipping over the label while she moves over to the window sill. Eventually placing it down next to her still filled decanter of scotch.

She snickers once more before tearing her gaze away from the gift and she turns around on her spot. Instead of diving into her work, she decides to first pay a visit to the only person that could be the sender.

He senses her presence in an instance but pretends he doesn't know she's standing in the door opening. Shoulder leaning against the door, arms crossed in front of her chest and no doubt an eyebrow raised as she silently watches him. The entire ordeal much like the old days and he has a hard time fighting the corner of his mouth from tugging up at that thought. The next three sentences of his contract typed with extra pressure on the keys.

She bobs her head to the side, rolls her eyes at his behaviour. Knows he knows she's standing there but unlike before she doesn't march into his office. Instead, she shifts on her spot, jutting her hip out the side. "Last time I checked we finished _your_ decanter."

He grins, quickly finishes up on the sentence he was writing before he looks up at the redhead. Acknowledging her statement with a nod, he turns his chair ever so slightly making his gaze travel to the object she mentioned for a moment. "I refilled that too," he tells her then, his eyes finding hers again.

The look they share silent, a second too long for it to be just that. A look. It's only when she notices Katrina walk by that she breaks out of her daze, tearing her eyes away from his. Briefly glancing at the floor to will herself to leave, her mind, however, is still mulling over his words, his actions.

How they keep finding reasons, maybe even excuses, to keep having those drinks. Preventing the other from running out of alcohol just in case that also meant not spending time with the other. Enjoying each other's company is how he phrased it a few weeks ago.

She takes a step back, patting her hands down the skirt of her dress and on a rather courageous whim she verbalises their new normal once more. "My office tonight."

He nods even though he's sure she didn't see or even wait for his answer but he acknowledges her request all the same. Turns his chair to the right and watches her walk back down the fiftieth floor to her own office, disappearing out of his sight completely when she turns to the left.

He grins to himself now. He hadn't bought the bottle of scotch to trigger that answer, that's what he tells himself but he's glad it did all the same. He meant it when he told her he had enjoyed spending time with her, had missed doing so in the months before and for all their days apart they made up with drinks at night. What used to be an occasional celebratory event had now turned into a weekly, nearly daily happening.

Their new normal.

One he spends the rest of the day looking forward too, using it as both the welcome distraction and the reward for having to deal with two new interns Zane had brought over. His eagerness to drop the court preparations he'd been working on increasing tenfold when the sun starts to set.

A quick glance at the clock in the bottom right corner of his laptop telling him it's only a quarter past seven. At least an hour earlier than the drinks they shared the night before and tells himself to stay put. His attention span however drastically lowered as the next half hour he finds himself getting up and making it to the door of his office at least twice before backing out and reminding himself of the time and he starts to wonder what time the word tonight even constitutes.

Another fifteen minutes pass before he finds himself on the threshold between his office and the halls of the fiftieth floor yet again. _This is ridiculous._ He lets out a deep breath and his feet do the next steps for him, guiding him out of his office and on his way to hers.

"Harvey."

He stops in this tracks at the sound of the other name partner calling him and he curses under his breath for the unlucky timing of it all. Turning around slowly he nods once at Louis, mimicking his greeting.

"Didn't you have some dinner to attend?" he asks then, remembering the other man gushing about his upcoming date with Sheila that morning in the executives kitchen. The words come out a little harsh but he hopes Louis just thinks of it as a question and nothing more.

"I did," Louis answers, shrugging once. "But her meeting at Columbia got delayed and well… Mind to share a drink in the mean time?"

"Uh.." Harvey's mouth drops ever so slightly, feeling as if his plans get cancelled right in front of him and he doesn't know why that thought makes him feel uneasy and in some way relieved too. He can't explain what he was about to do, doesn't know how to put 'having a drink with Donna' into words because while the words were the truth they feel both too much and not enough.

"Sure," he gives in then, deciding to include Louis into his earlier plans, making it look like he made it up on the spot. "Why don't we ask Donna to join us?" he adds, signalling to the COO's office with his hand.

Louis's eyes light up at the initial sure and a bright smile spreads across his face at the second part of Harvey's agreement. "Yes," he beams. "Let's do that. The three musketeers."

Harvey bites down on the inside of his cheek and holds back a laugh at the other man's quirkiness but he follows Louis to her office non the less. Suddenly feeling a bit more at ease at the prospect of sharing a drink. If they were supposed to be friends, having a drink with another friend would be no problem at all.

She checks the time on her phone, fingers impatiently tapping against her table as she waits for him to appear. She never mentioned a time nor did she stay around long enough to even witness his reply to her request from that morning. Something she chastises herself for now if she had just known the time her stomach would perhaps not flip every time someone passed her office.

She lets out a breath and rolls her chair back. Decides, against better judgement, to put matters into her own hands. It was her fault anyway for not indicating a time. That what she repeats in her mind while crossing her office to the door, directly coming to a halt and backing away when she hears his and Louis' voice coming closer.

Rushing around the coffee table, she drops herself onto her couch and pretends to read whatever file it was that had still been on the surface in front of her. Pretending to be busy, pretending the prospect of having a drink didn't make her feel more nervous than it should. And thus she pretends to have forgotten about the time, demonstratively placing the file down again she now eyes the two men.

She greets Louis first with a smile, her gaze finding Harvey's later and the look in his eyes tells her enough not to ask. The man in the middle answering for them both. "Sheila's meeting is running late, so."

"Ooh," she nods, shifting to the edge of the couch. Using her hands to push herself back onto her feet. "Well, let me get us something to drink," she announces her movement, suddenly thankful she hadn't prepared two glasses yet. Not ready for the questions Louis might ask and the lack of questioning from Harvey at that.

When she moves back with three glasses and the decanter of scotch she finds Louis sitting on the couch and Harvey on a chair he pulled aside. She smiles at him softly when she moves to the table to pour the three drinks, both very aware that this wasn't what their night was supposed to be but neither addresses it. Doing that would make it more than just a drink between friends and that was exactly all it could be.

It was what it still was and thus they both remained silent, ignoring the way his skin burns and her stomach flutters when their hands brush for the briefest of moments at the exchange of glasses. He covers it by leaning to the other side, switching the crystal tumbler between his hands and undoing the button of his suit jacket. She quickly reaches for the other two tumblers and rounds the table, handing one over to Louis before she returns to her previous spot on the couch.

"To Specter Litt," Louis toasts, raising his glass in the air, making the two others mirror his movement and Donna repeats his words.

"To us," Harvey says instead, when his glass clings against the two others, all three of them taking their first sip of scotch for the night. The small office falling into a comfortable silence after that. Eventually, Harvey is the one to break the silence, asking his fellow name partner where they stood regarding Katrina's promotion.

"I told her, but she wanted some time to think it over," Louis answers truthfully knowing it wasn't the answer the other man was hoping for. Especially not after the way he presented the plan but there wasn't much he could do about it, the blonde junior partner had rightfully so questioned their motives.

"Fair enough." Harvey lets his thoughts wander for a moment but flushes them away by finishing his drink. Sliding the empty glass back onto the coffee table he rolls his shoulders, feels his neck hurt a little and he moves to his feet to remove his jacket and loosen his tie. Folding the grey jacket over the back of the chair he now leans forward and takes the decanter in his hand before sitting back down.

Donna lets out a relieved sigh when he sits back down and moves to refill his glass. She's the first one to spend time with Louis but she didn't want him to go either. Downing the last sip of the auburn liquid she copies Louis' move and lets Harvey refill her tumbler too.

"I'm glad you two are friends again."

Louis' statement takes them both off guard and another drop of scotch gushes from the decanter into her glass. He quickly pulls the bottle aside and places it down. "Friends," he hears himself repeat before his brain catches up with him, the statement in his tone almost a question but pronounced so softly the others, she, doesn't seem to hear it. Or she pretends not to.

"With all the changes going on at the firm," Louis continues, keeping his words strictly business related. He knows what happened between them, he's been put in the middle of it before and while he doesn't know the full extent of why what happened happened or how it got resolved. He did notice how the atmosphere between them changed to more distant to almost hostile and now back to something he can't place but close to how it once was before.

"It's good to have things back to normal."

The redhead nods at that line, it was the same thing he asked her a few weeks ago and she couldn't say no to him. Not because she didn't feel it was true but because of her own words from even before that. She had pulled herself out of the equation and if she wanted him to remain in her life it came with accepting that this was the only way. So she had left it up to him, would agree with however he thought about it.

" _If things are for you, they are for me."_

Another reason she had left her answer as defining yet ambiguous as it could be because she simply didn't know anymore. She doesn't know what normal is anymore, not when it comes to them. They moved past the hostility and back to a version of what they once were but even that wasn't the same as how they act now. The blurry boundaries they argued about just brought up but never truly reinforced into another rule, yet it was their new normal. If you could even call it that.

"Me too, Louis," she whispers then, pressing her lips into a thin smile.

He swallows thickly, whirls the alcohol in his glass around and he only realises he'd been waiting for her answer to come first when it does. Only confirming what they stated before and what he'd known all along. He shakes his head ever so slightly and stares at the auburn liquid, suddenly feeling stupid for having felt so uneasy all afternoon at the mere idea of this. Having a drink with his friend, his best friend and he hears him confirm just that.

"Of course they are, Louis. She's my best friend."

Deep down she'd known his words to be the truth but she didn't expect to ever hear them and now that she does, they hit her harder than she could have ever anticipated for. Not necessarily in a bad way but good is another way to describe it. However it makes her feel it doesn't change the truth. He was her best friend too.

"Exactly," she agrees. "Just because we aren't always on the same page and argue every once in a while doesn't mean he isn't my best friend either." The small pause that follows the sentence filled with his gaze locking with hers and they share the same small smile.

"That's just us. We always get back to this. Us."

How they bounced back after she kissed him proving that more than anything, the only problem with that being that she hasn't been exactly honest with him or herself. Admitting that, one of the foundations of their relationship, still too big of a risk to come clean about and put her latest statement to the test again. They tested it too much over the years and she just can't be the one to break it completely.

"To friends," Louis states now raising his glass in the air once more, making the other two copy his move but this time around neither repeats the words. Quietly drinking from their glasses instead, the silence in the room transforming into an almost tangible tension were it not for the lawyer's phone buzzing over the table.

Louis leans forward to reach for the object the second he sees Sheila's name flash up on his screen, the message she sent him enticing a smile to spread across his face. He quickly texts her back and finishes his drink. Looking back up at his two friends he now sports a somewhat apologetic smile.

"Have fun."

Donna's well wishes come before the older lawyer gets the chance to tell them Sheila's meeting has ended and he merely mumbles a thank you in return. Nodding at both of them once more now that he gets up from the redhead's couch. He wishes them a good night and leaves the best friends by themselves.

"He looks happy," she states when Louis is out of sight and she shifts over her spot on the couch to hide the hint of sadness that came along with those words.

"Does he? Hadn't noticed with his eighty teeth smile."

She snickers too loudly for her own liking, her left hand automatically flinging out to tap against his arm. "God," she sighs. "You're such a –"

"What?" He bobs his head to the side, challenging her lack of statement even though he's fully aware which word would follow next.

She mirrors his tilt of the head, stares him down for a moment. They both know what she meant but she doesn't let him get to her and finishes her sentence. "A dick," she adds with a smirk. "You can be a dick sometimes."

While the redhead has called him out on his shit on more times than he can count, more times than he's willing to admit. Her actually calling him names is a rare occasion and this time around he finds it oddly amusing. His signature smirk tugging onto his lips he thinks that not a full ten minutes earlier she called him her best friend but he doesn't need to use the words to tell her that. The look they share doing exactly that and maybe even more. He eventually redirects his gaze to the glass in his hand, reminds himself it can't be what his mind just filled in so he counters with something else. "Sometimes?"

Donna shrugs, lets his question hang in the air and focuses on her drink again. The alcohol warming but not filling the emptiness inside. Her stomach aches for other reasons. "Pizza?" She breathes out her question when she settles on food being the quickest solution to her problem at hand.

His brows knit together in a deep frown hadn't expected his question to be answered. Her shrug already indicated that but this one-word inquiry takes him off guard all the same. "What?"

"It's almost nine," she reads the time off her phone. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Uh…" He feels his stomach rumble at her mention of dinner or maybe it's something else. Something he won't allow himself to place, not within their newfound parameters but the feeling reminds him too much of the one he experienced before he made his way over to this office.

"I would but I …" he tells her but he shifts over his chair all the same. He gets up next and he reaches for his jacket, not noticing his tie falling down on the seat as he puts it back on. "I have court first thing tomorrow morning and I should go over a few things again."

She nods and smiles softly, only speaks when he's at her door. "Not that you need it but good luck tomorrow."

He turns around in the door opening, watches her for a moment as he takes in her words and suddenly he misses it. A stupid shiny object they haven't used since she left him to go work for Louis but it was their thing.

Their ritual.

One that replaced the one he shouldn't think about one, strawberries and whipped cream. The one that he came up with because 'scotch isn't good enough' and yet all they had now.

She seems to read his mind though, her lips pressed together in a tight smile. "Next time."

He should accept her offering but he can't. He's never truly needed the ritual to go to court, but it does remind him of a time where he needed her too much for all the wrong reasons. Needed her to function, at his lowest point even to breathe and he doesn't want to go back to that.

They've come too far since then. He still needs her, but for different reasons and since their back to normal was a seemingly new construct of old and new habits he decides to exclude this one. "We don't do that anymore," he reminds her with a shake of his head and he lets out a deep breath before he heads back to his office.

She feels her stomach flip and her chest tighten, she knows what he means. That they haven't done so in just over a year, didn't make the exception with Mike going to trial or her being questioned by Malik so there's no need for it now. She also knows it's never been truly needed but it stings all the same and her words to remind him he dropped his tie on the chair die on the tip of her tongue.

She can only watch him walk away, the silk fabric now in her hands on her lap. Letting the soft material slip through her fingertips she swallows once more and her eyes close to fight the overwhelming sense of loss that kicks in.

The blonde junior partner slows her pace at the sight of the chief operating officer in her office and she comes to a halt in front of the still open door. Going over her options, she shuffles ever so slightly on her spot but she feels she can't leave the other woman alone like this. Bringing her hand up to the glass panelling, she knocks softly.

"Donna, are you okay?"

The redhead stops with fidgeting in an instant and her head bobs up to meet Katrina's gaze in a beat. She so desperately wants to say she is but the look on the young woman's face already tells her the lawyer will never buy that answer. She also knows that the woman standing right in front of her must have noticed the tie in her hands and her no doubt red-rimmed eyes.

The soft smile Katrina gives her only confirming that and Donna feels no point in denying but admitting something she can't fully place isn't an option either. Instead she gives the junior partner another answer, one she hopes that suffices.

"I miss Michelle Ross." Donna notices the confusion wash over the young blonde's face and she rephrases her answer before she gets to ask. "Rachel."

Katrina smiles softly and nods, takes two cautious steps forward and squads for as much as her heels allow her to do so. Awkwardly placing her hand on one of the redhead's and she squeezes softly, just a signal to let her know she understands.

"If you ever need a Louise Litt –"

Donna smiles at that and brings her hand to her face to wipe away a stray tear. "Thank you."

.

.

.

Turning over the page in the blue manila folder she wiggles the highlighter between her fingers as she scans the document for flaws and other things to adapt. Removing the cap with her thumb, she marks an entire paragraph that she decides isn't up to the standards of Zane Specter Litt.

Placing the highlighter asides she lifts her gaze from the piece of paper in search of her Bic pen. Her attention briefly drifts off to a woman standing just outside her office as she now blindly reaches for the object. Not thinking much of it at first she returns to the paragraph, ready to jot down her remarks her head flickers back up when it dawns on her who's standing there.

Or at least who she figures it to be. Has heard a handful of stories but has only seen the woman's face on one picture and it wasn't even Harvey that showed her but his father. She shouldn't but she can't help but look, curiously watching the woman pace the same steps back and forth while eyeing the office next to her own.

 _Don't._ That's what she tells herself, ready to return to her work at hand but her movement just a second too late when the woman's gaze moves in the direction of her office. More specifically her.

So the only natural thing to do is roll her chair back and get up, walk herself over and help the woman like any other would do. The combination of factors is just a bit odd in this instance and she musters up a smile before she steps out of her office. No clue what to say, if she has to introduce herself or not.

"Donna."

The decision is made for her when the woman pronounces her name and a smile follows, both of which cause a lump to form in her throat. She shouldn't be surprised the woman knows her name, she had a good relationship with both his father and his brother and either could have brought up her name once just like the other way around.

A small part of her hopes it to have been the lawyer in question but she can't allow herself to dwell on those thoughts so she crushes them in one breath. Replacing the thoughts with the option of none of the above, deciding it was because her name is quite literally written on the glass panel right beside her.

"Lily?" She pretends to ask, her head tilting a bit to the left and she steps closer when the woman nods. "You're looking for Harvey, aren't you?" The words leaving her lips before she can think them over and she closes her eyes for a second, scolding herself for the stupidity of her words. Of course, the woman was looking for her son.

"Yes," Lily beams, glancing at the office on her right again. "I thought his office was here," she speaks motioning the man's former office.

"It was," Donna answers sincerely. She wants to explain what went down, how they merged with another lawyer and how he became managing partner over the woman's son but she doesn't think it's her place to do so.

"His office is down the hall, in the other corner," she continues instead, signalling to the office three doors down. She automatically brings her left hand to the woman's shoulder, pulling back her hand when she realises what she did and merely guides Lily down the fiftieth floor by walking next to her.

"He's in court," she explains when they reach his empty office but she goes ahead and opens the door for his mother. Stepping inside and inviting her in. She wants to tell the woman it's okay to wait here and that she'll bring her a cup of coffee but she doesn't get around to doing so when the words that leave Lily's lips floor her.

"Thank you."

"What?" she asks quietly, turning on her spot to face his mother again but she notices Lily is looking at the picture on the wall. Her own gaze following suite as she now too stares at the image of the woman next to her and an eight-year-old Harvey.

"For convincing him to come see me."

A gasp escapes her and she clasps her lips together right after, her eyes closing in the same moment she bites on her tongue. Shaking her head lightly, she fumbles with the fabric of her dress and when she turns to look at his mother, ready to deny or at the very least downplay her responsibility in all this and praise her son for doing that on his own, the woman's actions take her off guard for the second time in under a minute.

An arm moving around her shoulder and enveloping her into a warm but brief hug. One that doesn't allow for her words to come out because they won't matter in Lily's eyes. The repeated thank you that follows only confirming that and the redhead swallows hard. Tries her very best to prevent the tears from welling in her eyes. She already shed one too many the night before and doing so in front of the man's mother was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Ooh, honey," Lily whispers, the words feeling a bit foreign and out of place for her but the redhead in front of her making her say them all the same. She brings her hand to the younger woman's cheek, wiping away a tear that hasn't fallen yet but she sees them in the woman's eyes all the same.

"He may not say it," Lily continues then, taking a step back to give the redhead some space again. An apologetic smile gracing her face before she continues. "But you mean a lot to my son."

The lump in her throat returns, even bigger this time and her lips twitch. She doesn't know where to look or what to say. The only thing she's certain of is this entire moment being too much, too painful and too badly timed. The lawyer expected to be back any second now. She swallows once, tries to reciprocate a smile but fails. "I uh –" she stammers, using her hands now to signal the rest of the firm again.

"I should get back to work." She just about manages to get the words out, leaving Lily in her son's office, she, however, doesn't directly return to her office but makes a beeline for the restrooms. Barging into the space, her hands falling down on the marble counter next to the sink as soon as she reaches can and she steadies her shaking frame. Only now allowing herself to fully exhale and the tears come with that.

.

.

Returning from court just after lunch he takes the last bite of the hotdog he got from the cart outside, he wipes his mouth and his hands with a tissue paper before tossing it away in a bin. Smiling brightly as he passes Gretchen's desk and he nods at his former secretary.

"I'll take you won, Mr. Specter."

He grins, stalls on his spot for a moment but doesn't turn around. "You didn't expect anything less of me now, did you?" he merely calls back, takes the laugh that follows as enough for an answer and continues his way down the hallway of the fiftieth floor.

Still on high from the win, his mood good enough to acknowledge the new managing partner with a nod he passes his former office and now walks along hers. Can't help but glance inside for a moment, and only a moment as he watches her quietly work at her desk. Smiling to himself he walks the last couple of feet to his corner office.

He's halfway down his desk when he senses the presence in his office. Turning around slowly to face the seating area he recoils at the sight of the woman seated there. "Mom?"

"Harvey," Lily greets her eldest son by getting up from the couch and walking over to where he was still standing, Much like she had done with the woman she had met earlier she extends her arm and envelopes him into an embrace.

The embrace unexpected but welcomed all the same, he only tenses for a moment before relaxing into his mother's arms. Answering her embrace by wrapping his own arm around her back for a few seconds until he pulls back and inquires about the reason for her sudden visit.

"Because," Lily reasons, folding her cardigan back over her arm as she keeps her gaze firmly directed on him. "In twenty years my son never called me just to catch up yet you did but you didn't sound fine."

He draws in a breath and swallows once. "I am – fine," he repeats the words he spoke to Donna that night, the words his mother amongst other things must have overheard. Except this time they come with a pause that's just a second too long and makes Lily's head tilt to the right and the look on her face is too close to the redhead's. Challenging the sincerity of his words with her eyes.

"Mom," he presses in return.

"Harvey, I –" she pauses and takes a deep breath, looking down at her feet for a moment. Their relationship still a bit new and she doesn't want to press him too much but she's his mother and she was worried about him. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I am," he repeats the lie again, said so often they're almost a truth and his acting rarely comes up short but in front of his mother he fails. Feels like a little kid again who got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to and he draws his bottom lip between his teeth, his sight dropping to his feet for a moment.

"Look, mom," he continues at last, walking away from her and over to his desk. A motion to regain control, feel in power again and he rests his fingertips on top of the marble table top. "I'm just busy with this case. How about we have dinner later tonight?"

Harvey doesn't wait around for his mother to answer. Instead, he takes a small step to the left and opens the second drawer of his desk, rummaging through the contents until he pulls out a key with a brown leather chain.

Donna's.

He still hasn't given it back to her but he should and deep down he wants to. Never should have accepted it back in the first place, yet now that he has it again he doesn't know how to return it to its rightful owner.

Briefly clasping the metal object in his hand, he closes the drawer with his knee and faces his mother again. Holding his hand with the key out towards her, urging her to take it with a bob of his head.

"Just cancel your hotel, you're staying at my place."

Lily looks down at the key in her hand and grins at her son's words. "You sound like your brother."

He scoffs, pretends to be offended but he knows it's the truth. "Please, we both know Marcus copied my every move as a kid." He steps around his desk again, making his way over to the door of his office. "I'll have Ray drive you to my place or around town, wherever you want, okay?"

Lily folds her hand around the key and thinks over his words for a moment, knows the best option is to play along with his actions. Follow his lead and she can be there for him or hear him out when he's more receptive to it. She did show up out of the blue after all. "Okay," she agrees walking towards her son and out of his office.

The senior partner lets out a somewhat relieved sigh and quickly follows his mother's move. Stepping out of his office, he takes one big stride to step up to her and he promises her he'll finish up with work as soon as possible while guiding her back to the elevators. Their journey cut short when they near the redhead's office, the idea that pops into his head soon replaced by the urge to make that happen and he stalls quickly, resting his hand on Lily's elbow to stop her from walking too.

He smiles to himself at the sight in front of him, much like before she's deep in thought and quietly working on her laptop, but this time he actually has an excuse to look at her. Lifting his left hand to the glass door, he knocks on it twice and he has the door already opened before she can look up.

Two knocks take her out of her concentration and she doesn't have to look up to know who it was that was standing at her door but she does regardless. A small smile tugging on the corner of her mouth at the sight in front of her, she remains quiet and crooks her head as she watches the lawyer urge his mother inside the room as well.

"Harvey," she greets him when he turns to look at her at last.

The way she pronounces his name sends a shiver down his spine and when it takes him a second too long to respond he feels two pairs of eyes directed on him. Clearing his throat he quickly looks back and forth between the redhead and his mother. His gaze eventually landing on the COO again. "Donna," he parrots her name in the same tone and he uses his hand to signal the woman next to him. "This is my mom."

"Mom," he continues, this time glancing at Lily. "This is – Donna."

Lily smiles brightly at the woman she met earlier and then turns to look at her son. A soft laugh escaping her, she brings her hand to his back. "We already met."

For the second time today he's taken off guard. First his mother's presence and now her words. His mouth drops slowly and he looks to his right, brows knitting together in a frown. He doesn't want to ask but turns to look at Donna none the less, the grin on her face telling him it's the truth and while the result is the same it stings a little that this exchange had happened without him.

"You could have said something."

His words addressed to no one in particular but the look he gives is for the redhead alone, the slight shake of his head too and he finds himself biting down on his tongue to stop himself from smiling.

"Well," Lily taps her hand against his back again. "Where's the fun in that."

Donna's eyebrows raise in amusement and she bites down on the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from snickering. Instead, she eyes him, to anyone else he'd look the same but to her, it's clear he feels a little uncomfortable and the sight is just enough to make her forget about her own run-in with his mother earlier.

That was the truth at least right until her gaze drops to a certain object in the woman's hand and she feels her chest tighten and her stomach turn all over again. Her key. That was her key. A stupid household object she'd only used a handful of times, gotten for pure convenience but the reason it's not in her belonging anymore and everything that happened after that suddenly back on the forefront of her mind. Lost in thought she can see the exchanges between mother and son but the words of how the two women already act too familiar to his liking don't register.

"Donna?"

She snaps out of her thoughts with a flick of her head. Gaze returning to the other woman in front of her and she musters another smile on her face to cover her thoughts.

"Why don't you join us for dinner?"

Donna's not the only one surprised by Lily's words as they cause a certain panic to kick in for Harvey. That hadn't been his plan for dinner and while it would be close to all the times they shared Thai over the last couple of weeks, it wouldn't be what he'd want a dinner with these two women to be. Simply because it can't and will never be, she told him that much. He doesn't object though.

The redhead does. The invite meaning more to her than she can say but she simply can't except. Having a dinner that can't be more than just that with him is one thing, with his mother it's too much. The key in the woman's hand reminding her of all that. "I shouldn't."

The hint of a smile that still resided on his face fades and he nods once. He wasn't looking for a yes but her answer disappointing him all the same. "Mom," he speaks now, redirecting his focus to the woman on his right first then the hallway.

Lily glances back and forth between the two, senses a sudden tension in the room. Different from the one before and she smiles at the redhead once more. "Maybe another time."

Donna does her best to keep a straight face, hiding her emotions and she answers with a thin-lipped smile. Afraid any verbal answer will make her voice tremble and give it away. Opening a can of worms she isn't ready for.

"Mom," Harvey repeats himself, trying to guide his mother out of the room and when he does he can't help but look at the COO one last time himself. The look on her face much like his own, both hiding the pain inside and yet they acknowledge the others, not aware it's actually the same one and he mouths 'sorry' to her before leaving at last.

Lily follows her son out of the office and now down to the elevator. Keeping her eye on his changing expression she wants to apologise for asking that just now but she fears that mentioning it altogether might be too much already.

He swallows, keeps a set pace. Anything to get away from her office, he doesn't want to think about why she didn't agree and why even though he didn't think it was a good idea it still doesn't feel right.

Turning around in front of the elevator he presses on the button for one to take them down, the fifty-floor ride to ground floor mostly silent as Harvey checks his phone for a message from Ray. Once downstairs Harvey walks his mother to the black Lexus outside and he asks the driver to take his mother to his place or anywhere else she wants to go.

"I'll finish things up here as soon as possible, okay?" He reminds her again, opening the door of the car for her. "And then we'll go out to dinner."

His mother nods once in agreement and she quietly brings her hand to his shoulder. A small touch this time instead of a hug before she gets into the car and lets Ray take her to her son's apartment.

Harvey watches the car drive off, a deep sigh escaping him when the black Lexus disappears from his vision at last. He wasn't opposed to seeing his mother anymore, in fact the contact they did have was good but for a control-freak as him, her showing up out of the blue had stirred more things than he imagined. So he lied about the deadline of a case to buy himself just a few hours of wrapping his brain around her presence and coming up with a game plan.

.

.

He borrows himself two and a half hours, just enough to calm down and mentally prepare himself for the rest of the night. Or weekend. He closes his eyes at that thought, doesn't even know how long his mother was staying in town for.

Closing the file he had been working on to distract himself and to not have to lie once more, he adds it to the stack of files he'll leave behind for Monday. Deciding in that moment it would probably be the right thing to do to take the day off tomorrow and spend time with his mother.

Shutting the door behind him he automatically walks to the left but stops three steps in, her office on his path and he isn't one hundred percent sure he's ready to walk by her office again. He ends up taking the cowards way out, turning to the right and walking past the pull pen to the elevators, much like the route he'd taken back in after their encounter earlier.

"Heading home?"

Her voice comes from the other side of the reception desk and his body reacts on autopilot, pace slowing down and head turning to look in her direction. Her words sweet but the look on her face giving away that she knows he deliberately didn't walk past her office this time. That one look making his chest tighten and he regrets instantly.

"Yeah," he answers, trying to sound normal but his heart is beating out of his chest. The situation they're in too odd. He doesn't dare to invite her to dinner yet again, no matter how much he'd like to. But he can't hear the 'no' he knows she'll say. Once was enough.

"Have a good night," she replies with a sweet smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She feels nervous, being near him has that effect on her lately and the fact that it's becoming increasingly difficult to read him isn't helping. She catches a glimpse of something in his posture but she can only hope he won't repeat what his mother asked hours ago.

The only sensible thing would be to decline but she isn't sure she would be able to say no again. And especially to him. That has always been a problem but this time what she wants to say the exact opposite.

She can't help but feel disappointed when he wishes her a good evening as well and leaves it at that, nodding at her once before he strides down to the elevators. She bites down on her lip, clasps her hands together to stop them from shaking and she really doesn't want to speak again, but the words come out on their own volition.

"I am really happy for you, Harvey. Having your mother back in your life."

He looks back up at her with a smile and he knows he tried to say it last week but she didn't want to hear it then and she might not now. Not ever, it won't stop him from trying.

"Thanks to you."

He watches her lips part and he half chuckles to himself at his correct assumption of her wanting to brush it off, but he nods once more. "It is," he continues. "So, thank you."

She flashes him a tight-lipped smile, it was never about the credit for her. Just wanted to help him and all she really did was ask him to go upstate but his mother said the same thing to her just a few hours ago and hearing it again from him this time makes her finally agree. Bobbing her head slowly up and down to let him know she knows he means it.

The two keep looking at each other for another moment, a silent and palpable but awkward tension forming between them. The moment is eventually broken when the elevator arrives. He smiles again, doesn't really know how or even if to say goodbye but she smiles too and the way she tilts her head is enough for him to know it's okay to leave.

.

.

Dinner reservation made he unlocks the door to his apartment and enters the room. About to inform his mother on where they'll be having dinner that evening the sight he runs into in the kitchen cancelling that plan in one go.

"Harvey," his mother beams, stirring in the pan once more before she moves to the other side of his kitchen.

"What –"

She laughs once at the look on his face. "I know you said Ray would drive me anywhere, but this afternoon I decided to take a little walk around the neighbourhood and discovered this food market. So I thought why not make us dinner."

He stares at Lily for a moment, tossing his keys in the bowl on the counter her rounds the kitchen island and inspects the various of ingredients out on display. His signature smile spreading across his face in recognition. "Chicken Parm."

"Your fav," Lily hums as she continues cutting up some herbs. "Now don't just stand there, get changed and come give me a hand."

He automatically does as he's told, strutting away from the kitchen to his bedroom. He stops halfway when reality dawns in on him, a frown forming on his face and he shakes his head at his adult self still taking orders from his mother in his own house. He lets it slide though, not in the mood to argue it. So he changes into a pair of dark jeans and pulls a grey sweater over his dress shirt.

"What do you need me to do?" he asks hesitatingly, shuffling on his spot behind the kitchen island again. He tries to reach for one of the strawberries but it results in a tap on his hand.

"Those are for dessert," she warns him with a look, pointing at the beginnings of a strawberry pie but she can't help but grin at the situation either. It feeling too familiar for something they haven't done in two decades and even before that. Harvey has never been that interested in cooking, mostly because Marcus was and he'd send his older brother out of the way whenever he thought the law student didn't do things properly.

He doesn't wait for further instructions, instead, he walks around the counter and opens a cabinet. Pulling out another pan he fills it with water. "Pasta right?"

"Yes," Lily answers pointing at the fridge for the fresh past she bought.

He opens the door and searches through his now filled fridge for the item he needs. Looking at the wrapping, he chuckles once. "You know if I tell Marcus about this he'll give you a hard time."

"You don't have to tell your brother everything, Harvey."

Moving along with the pasta, he grins to himself remembering a time where his younger brother wanted to know anything and everything he'd learned in school and that resulted in interesting and out of place conversations between Marcus and his parents more than once.

Reaching for the wooden spoon, he stirs in the pan and places the lid back on for the contents to boil. The rest of their dinner prepared in a comfortable silence, Lily doing most of the cooking while Harvey sets the table for two and he takes a seat when his mother signals for him to do so.

Harvey pours both of them a glass of wine. Bringing the bowl of past over to the table first, Lily walks back and forth one more time with the chicken. Placing the saucepan on the coaster in the middle of the table, she removes the glass lid and reaches for her son's empty plate.

"I can –"

Lily ignores his objection, she reaches for the serving spoon and drops a heap of pasta on his plate. "Good or do you want more?" Her question unnecessary as she decides for him and adds some more. Now pulling a piece of chicken with sauce on his plate as well. "There."

He bites down on his tongue, finds it weirdly comforting how in over two decades some things haven't changed and he mumbles a soft thank you in return. He watches her do the same with her own plate and he observes the amount of food on them and what's still left in the pans.

"Did you cook for three or something?"

The question leaves his lips before he can fully register what he's asking, implying. He suddenly doesn't know why he phrased it like that if it was him reading into something or what his mother actually did.

"I always make too much, honey," Lily brushes his question off like it's nothing. Her words the truth but in this case the amount she cooked extra not entirely random. She had to be sure there would be enough, just in case. Seating herself down on her chair, she reaches for her glass and raises it in the air to toast with him. "Bon a petit."

"Bon a petit," he repeats softly, taking a sip of his wine and then he finally dives into his food. Eyes closing at the first bite, an appreciative hum leaving his lips at the taste. "God this is good. Dad would have loved it."

He gulps at his own words, his dad still a delicate subject in general but discussing him with his mother wasn't planned at all and he doesn't exactly know how to feel about it. He doesn't want to make it awkward by ignoring their history altogether, he said he forgave his mother after all but it's an error and trial sort of moment.

Lily smiles softly, can hear from his tone of voice and the silence that followed, not just the lack of him talking but how he wasn't exactly eating either that it's still a trying subject. She eyes her son for a moment and answers at last. "He thought me to make this."

Harvey moves his fork through the pasta on his plate, taking a moment for himself before he looks back up at his mother. "I didn't know that."

The rest of their dinner mostly shared in silence. Lily reaches for her glass of wine and waits for Harvey to finish his meal. She toys with some information, going back and forth with whether or not she should tell him but she can't help but do so a few minutes later.

"You know," Lily speaks, placing her glass back down on the table. "Your dad used to tell me about her."

His head turns in her direction, brows knitting together in a frown. "What?"

"Donna."

"Mom," he counters instantly. His tone sounding like a warning and it comes with a sigh but he's trying his best not to lash out or just walk away. He can only hope she leaves it at this but he knows the chances of her doing so are close to zero. It was that way when he was a kid and he was the one to call her the other day.

She shakes her head ever so slightly, tilts her head and studies him for a moment. "I just don't understand."

He can't help but chuckle softly, not a reaction he expected to have but his mother's words are vocalising exactly how he feels. "Neither do I sometimes."

"Harvey." Lily shifts to the edge of her chair and moves her hand to cover his arm on the table, her gaze searching for his and she only continues speaking after the short moment he turned to look at her. The sadness in his eyes enough justification for her to say what she's about to.

"I was here five weeks ago and you asked me to meet the woman you were seeing but the way you talk about and look at Donna – " she pauses for a second and presses her lips together in a thin smile, her hand squeezing his arm.

"That's different. That's it," Lily adds, studying his expressions carefully. "There's history there isn't it?"

She notices how those words result in another reaction. His shoulders dropping, his eyes close and a sigh fills the room. There's no need for a verbal response to confirm what she already expected to be the truth. "There is."

Harvey bites down on his tongue, after following the stipulations that came with the redhead's rule for over a decade, talking about it still isn't his default. But like touching her and allowing his mind to drift off into that aspect of their relationship, it's becoming something his body is doing before his mind can reason him out of it.

"It was once, twelve years ago and we agreed to put it out of our minds but then she –"

"She what?"

He shakes his head, reason, and history winning it over heart and want. "It doesn't matter."

Lily pulls her hand away from his arm when he shrugs it off. "Harvey –"

"I said it doesn't matter." His words harsher this time around and he can't look at his mother anymore. Instead, he reaches for his wine glass and downs the remainder of alcohol in one big sip.

"Well, clearly it does."

He grunts, his free hand balling into a fist. "Just stop –"

"Harvey."

"I said –" He finds himself standing now, pushed onto his feet. His own loud voice still reverberating through him. He steps aside and forcefully pushes his chair towards the table. Storming off and leaving his mother to be. He doesn't wait for another comment, shutting the entire conversation down with his next line.

"The guest bedroom is over there. Goodnight."


	5. Chapter 5 - Advice

**_Jamie, Bew0G, AlternateShadesofBlue, Graystephen93, Follow-ur-story, Carebearmaxi,_ frenchdarvey _,_ cez _,_ dpontes _,_ nikkaq _,_ randomcamaro _,_ darveyandsuits _,_ tamitataylorer _,_ paulsen _-specter,_ mieh _,_ ros _, "selfish guest" (_ ahaha _that sounds so wrong, but you know who you are, thank you) and other guests. THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking a moment to review, they honestly make my day/week whenever they come and they're a huge help to keep me going, so thanks again. it means a lot._**

 ** _Now I haven't finished the last chapter yet, but I did decide to end this one on another point that originally intended, so I figured I'd update already. I hope you'll enjoy this one and let me know what you think and I hope to come back with the next (and last) chapter sometime soon. X - M_**

* * *

 **LIES**

 **Chapter Five | Advice**

* * *

Harvey paces back and forth in his kitchen, preparing a cup of coffee for himself when his mind traces back the little hints that made him explode the night before. He has no real excuse for his behaviour, just pent up tension that was bound to burst out. It just so happened to be in front of his mother, the one person with whom his relationship was still fragile. Rebuilding or just building in general.

He wish it didn't happen and with that he means raising his voice and walking away. He also means her pushing the subject but the subject itself isn't part of that. In a strange way, he's finding more and more need to talk about what happened over the years and more so what happened recently.

He removes his cup from the coffee machine and reaches for the second cabinet on the right to grab the vanilla when he hears the door of the guest room open. Taking a deep breath, he stills the spoon in the white cup and while he knows he should be the one to apologise he waits for another sign of life instead.

Lily brushes a strand of hair out of her face and puts her glasses on, her breath faltering when she spots her son across the room. Standing in his kitchen, back turned towards her but the way he tenses and doesn't move further tells her he heard her.

She presses her lips together in a thin line, takes a deep breath and contemplates her options as she makes her way over to the kitchen island. She knows he's the one that yelled at her to stop talking and stormed off, leaving her be for the rest of the night but she was the one to bring up the subject. Push harder than she should have and she should have known better. They'd just been back in each other's lives but as his mother, she felt concerned and just wanted to help because it came down to the happiness of her child.

She also knows she's the one that has harmed any chances of him leading a happy life years ago, that's why she decides to be the bigger person. To apologise. The words on the tip of her tongue when his voice echoes through the room first.

"Good morning." He keeps looking down at his cup of coffee, not ready to face her yet. Not ready to apologise. "Coffee?"

She swallows the apology back in, takes his way of greeting her as him telling her he doesn't want to hear it. Not yet. The subject, and thus even an apology for it, off limits. "I'd like that," she answers instead, taking a seat on one of the barstools.

He opens a cabinet and reaches for another cup, turning the machine back on. He takes the cup he made for himself, turns around and places it on the counter in front of his mom.

"Thank you."

Two words she hopes are enough, for now, to show she isn't ignoring him or their fight from the night before but acknowledging he isn't willing to talk about it either. She quietly takes the cup to her lips and takes a sip, a sweet sensation surprising her.

"What's this? It's great."

He takes the freshly brewed cup, reaches for the bottle of vanilla extract and turns around to the kitchen island once more. "Vanilla," he answers, pouring the substance in his new cup as he speaks.

"Hmmm," his mother takes another sip, enjoying the new to her flavour. A chuckle escapes her then, an old memory of her oldest son wanting to try coffee. His father telling him to take it with milk and sugar but the little boy had insisted on taking it without any. "I remember you only wanting to drink it black."

He grins and nods, knows it's how it used to be but he can barely remember how the hot beverage tastes without the sweet flavour. "People change," he answers as a matter of fact. Ending the conversation by turning around and he places two bowls and a pack of cereal on the counter between them. Silently filling his own and then moving the box to his mother. Moving to the fridge to grab the milk. "What do you want to do today?"

Lily stops pouring the milk into her bowl and looks back up at her son. A confused frown spread across her face. "I thought you worked six days a week."

He bites down on his lip and nods. "I'm taking the day off."

"Ooh," she answers, suddenly realising she hadn't exactly planned her impromptu visit through and he'd already taken some hours off the day before. "Well," she muses then, leaning forward to reach for one of the spoons. "You could show me around the city."

"Mom." The one word breathed out in a mixture of a sigh and a scoff. "You know the city," he counters, with a shake of his head. The rest of his family only having moved upstate after he'd graduated from Harvard. "Central park, Broadway the MET."

"I do," Lily agrees, stirring her cereal around. All three places he named places she took both her kids too when they were young. When they still let her but that's decades ago. "But I don't know _your_ city," she specifies her request with a soft smile. "What you love, where you go."

Bowl left in his hand, he stops eating in a beat. Head tilting to the side he studies his mother for a moment, wondering if she's serious. He swallows the spoonful of cereal he had still in his mouth and then answers or rather mocks her request. "You want me to take you to the car club?"

Lily laughs and shakes her head, sees through his comment right away. It's exactly how he used to react as a kid when someone asked to join him on something he was doing. "Not particularly," she admits. "But I'll join."

He sighs, keeps his gaze locked on his breakfast as he wonders what his mother wants from him.

"You could show me where you first lived," she suggests then, the words close to a reminder of what ultimately drove him out of the house. That never having been going to Harvard alone. Lily offers him a small smile. "Or where you worked. Your favourite restaurant," she adds to the list, watching him hum. "And I guess the car club too."

The latter resulting in his signature smirk and he gives in then, not before joking about it once more.

.

.

Donna walks into the firm an hour later than usual that Saturday. The run in she had had the day before and the emotions it had triggered having their effect all throughout the night and while she hadn't consumed any alcohol it still felt like she woke up with a hangover.

Her morning routine took twice as long, making sure her outfit and makeup look impeccable. Just so there isn't any trace of how she felt inside. Her look her armour, something to hide behind when her insides crumble and as much as this was part of her everyday routine, an advantage on her part to read her opponents more easily, today it isn't.

Today it was to show anyone and especially him, that she's more than fine. That it takes more than a _thank you_ to shake Donna Paulsen, but when she nears her office and glances at his in the distance, spotting it empty, her stomach twists all the same and she can't place if it's relief or annoyance.

Shaking off her thoughts, her feelings, with a sigh she turns on her heel and enters her office. A smile tugging on her face when she spots the item on her desk. This time it's not a bottle of scotch but a glass jar filled with chocolate chip cookies. Walking around her desk she then reaches for the note that is placed in front of it.

 _ **If you ever need someone to talk to – Louise Litt**_

As thoughtful as it is, the idea of having to let someone else in on the mess that is Donna and Harvey isn't something she likes doing. The situation too complex that even the ones in on it didn't know the full story but talking to either is the preferred option, Rachel in specific.

Eerily in that exact moment her phone rings. Her gaze instantly landing on the small electronic device on her desk and she spots the name of her friend light up on her screen. The person who'd just been on her mind as the person to talk to suddenly presenting itself making the prospect of talking too much.

Frozen, she stares at the object, hearing it ring for the second time, third until the familiar sound fades away and the incoming call screen makes place for the missed call one. She gulps once at the realisation of what she did. Feels her hands trembling now and she firmly presses them down on the table. Forcing herself to sit down and she buries herself in paperwork for the rest of the morning.

.

.

Harvey steps ahead, pushing the door to the little establishment open. He signals for his mother to move along with a bob of his head before following her inside himself. He nods at the older woman behind the bar and then moves to one of the booths on the side.

Tired after a long morning of moving through the city, they had indeed started at the car club but opted for not getting any car for the day. Parking being too difficult for the locations to follow. He had taken his mother to the part of Brooklyn he'd lived when he returned to the city after his studies. The building long renovated but he could show her the neighbourhood and he realised then how close it had been to where Mike had lived in the beginning. Something he'd never even thought about before or felt like sharing with the kid now but it made him smile though.

Next up was the D.A.'s office, another place he just showed her from the outside even if they could have easily entered this time around. He didn't feel like running into any old friends, or recent foes there but he did answer most of her questions. Eventually telling her about how Donna came to work for him too and details of the other time apart, how she followed him to the firm.

And now they ended up here, for lunch. Much like he'd done just over two weeks ago. Dropping down on one of the benches he reaches for the menu and waits for his mother to sit down on the opposite side of the table.

Looking around the diner, she takes the menu from Harvey's hand, now not only studying the menu and the place but also his expression. She remembers her words from earlier that morning and she can't quite rhyme the location with what she expected.

He notices the way his mother looks around, the way her brows knit together in a small frown and he finds himself studying her expression for a moment. Wondering what's on her mind, he finds himself asking.

"Nothing," Lily answers in a beat, shaking off his question and her doubts in a beat. Glancing at the menu again, she chuckles. "I don't know," she continues anyway. "I guess I just expected something else," she reasons, eyeing the fifties themed diner once more.

"Ooh," he mumbles realising where they ended up and her words now reminding him of the ones from that morning. "Yeah…" he stammers, pausing for a moment, he finds himself glancing around the area too and he's suddenly hyper aware of his surroundings even though he's fairly certain the woman that introduced him to the place in question is at the firm at this very moment. "I don't know," he brushes it off. "It was just close by, so."

Lily watches her son shrug and return his attention to something else before he gets greeted by the old woman that was previously behind the bar. The conversation they have nothing out of the ordinary but it does tell her the location isn't entirely random for him either. She doesn't comment but she does allow her mind to wander off to his reasoning behind this location and given how often the subject of their fight from the night before came up in his explanations this morning and the way his answer was rather guarded, playing it down in ways he's done before makes her draw her own conclusion. One that only adds to what she suspected to be the case.

.

.

She's in the middle of rewriting a paragraph when two soft knocks on her door wake her from her thoughts. Her heart can't help but skip a beat and for one second Donna allows herself to imagine it's him at her door before her mind's rationality takes over her heart's desire; the knocks too soft and too quickly paced.

At last, she glances up from her work only to find herself looking at the last person she expected to be standing in her door opening. Samantha. She holds back a sigh and musters as much of a smile on her face as possible, simply tilting her head to the side to inquire why the woman stopped by her desk instead of asking.

"Do you know where Harvey is?"

She bites down on her tongue, Samantha's words being the million dollar question and the exact thing she'd been wondering herself ever since she set foot inside the firm. She focuses on something else instead, why the woman is even asking her. Can't people read the title under her name?

"You'll have to ask his secretary," Donna counters in a beat, tone a bit harsh but in her eyes justified as her answer can't be anything but obvious. Cameron, the temp that once filled her spot now permanently sitting at his desk, was there this morning.

Samantha crooks her head, a deadpanned expression on her face. No doubt in relation to her last words, but she keeps looking at the redhead all the same. "He told me he took the day off."

"Then why are you here if you already know the answer?"

"Because he's co-counsel on a case of mine, Josie Gray called and I need some files. When I asked his secretary for them he said he didn't know where he keeps them."

Donna takes in the woman's words, slowly bobs her head up and down. She can't remember him telling her Samantha was co-counsel on one of his cases but she does remember him complaining about the blonde butting in every chance she got so she shouldn't be surprised.

Instead of answering, she rolls her chair back and gets onto her feet. Wordlessly she passes Samantha and makes her way down to the corner office, the blonde soon in tow. With a snap of her fingers, she signals for Cameron to get up too and she opens the door, letting the two march in behind her.

She then makes her way around his desk, takes one look at it and rolls her eyes at the explanation she'd gotten before. "It's in the bottom drawer."

"It's locked," Cameron counters, looking back and forth between the two women, eventually smiling at Samantha to remember her of what he'd told her before.

Donna chuckles once, she rolls his chair back and sits down. She brings her right hand to the security lock in the top right corner of the drawer and turns one number around. Trying not to gloat, she does smile as she opens the drawer. "What's the case again?"

"Gray Couture vs Jared Carbantti."

She hums once, searching through the content of the drawer for the mentioned file. Eventually lifting it from the stack, she closes the drawer again with a tap of her foot. Handing over the file to Samantha, she turns to face Cameron.

"Listen. Pens in the middle, make sure it's blue ink. Not black. Files to be kept on the right," she points at the corner of Harvey's empty desk. "Never let anyone in his office when he's out, except for Louis, Robert and me. Don't tell him you're working on something when you have done shit, he'll see right through it. Don't alphabetically order or colour code his messages, but on importance."

"Still, red made sense," Cameron mutters to himself, thinking about the time he decided to colour code Harvey's messages. Using red for the one person he kept asking if she'd called. He bites on his tongue when it results in a stare from the redhead. "Yes, Donna – Miss Paulsen," he corrects himself, nodding in understanding.

Donna gives the young man a tight-lipped smile and nods once. Silently signalling for Cameron to leave again, she moves to the door herself, holding onto the handle she makes sure Samantha leaves as well before closing it behind them.

"You really know him."

The words of the blonde an observation she's heard more than once, the last time they came from her friend and that's why she can't answer now. She can't utter the same words again even though they're very much the truth. Instead, she smiles and nods once more.

Samantha bobs her head up and down, the reaction of the other woman enough for her to know the answer. Something she not only witnessed in her first couple of days at the firm but people told her too. She looks back down at the file in her hand, tapping the blue folder twice. "Thank you for this."

Donna stalls now they're near her office again and she notices how the lawyer signals the file in her hands. "Don't thank me yet," Donna warns. "Don't screw up this case or you won't just have him but me to deal with."

Samantha laughs once, ready to walk away she counters one last time. "I like your style."

Donna grins to herself, hand on her door she takes a moment before turning around again. Now calling after the woman. "Samantha."

"Donna?"

"Welcome to the firm."

.

.

Donna fills her glass with chardonnay to the brim, placing the bottle on the table next to the bucket of chunky monkey ice cream. She turns the television on and switches to a channel playing one her guilty pleasure programs that evening. She isn't even in the mood to watch, just wants some background noise to keep her mind off of him.

Plopping down on her blue sofa, she pulls her legs up under her and grabs her glass to take a large sip. Letting the alcohol slide down easily, she revels in the burning sensation for a moment, numbing the pain. Soon switching out the alcohol for the ice cream, the content having the same effect though.

She reaches for her phone, scrolls through her called list. His name appearing in it the most, she ends up scrolling all the way back to the top. Her thumb hovering above the latest missed call in the list. Or rather the one she ignored earlier that day. She hits call now.

"Is this Harriet?"

She snickers at Rachel's voice coming through the other end of the line and all she can think about is how much she misses her friend. "Hey, Michelle."

"Donna." Rachel's voice this time around sounding more concerned and the redhead in question doesn't need to be in the same room as the young lawyer to know what that tone means.

"I'm sorry," she answers, stirring her spoon around the bucket of ice. "I missed your call this afternoon."

"You never miss a call, Donna."

The redhead drops her spoon into the bucket and lets out a sigh, the words of her friend and in specific the way they're delivered with too close to how she'd say them. How she said things close to it to others, especially him. She taught Rachel well and she can't help but grin, her answer however just as stubborn as her usual subject.

"Well, I did this time, Rach."

Rachel holds back a sigh and shifts over her seat. Taking the glass from Mike's hand as he comes to sit down next to her, she briefly shakes her head. A silent way to let him know she hasn't really gotten through to the other woman yet.

Mike presses his lips into a thin line and nods in understanding. Pushing himself back onto his feet he presses a kiss to his wife's head and retreats to the kitchen once more. Leaving Rachel to talk to their friend.

"Donna, did something happen?"

The redhead shifts over her couch and lets her head lean against the armrest. She wants to say Rachel clearly learned from the best but she doesn't, her next option is to deny but the thought of lying again is just too much and she ends up doing the exact opposite.

"I met his mom."

Rachel's eyes widen in a beat and she catches her husband's inquiring gaze at the "what?" that leaves her lips.

"Not like that."

Rachel shakes her head at that particular comment, sharing a look with Mike. "I didn't say –"

"I know," she admits cursing herself for assuming she did and she can only blame it on her own wishes. "It's just – " she sighs herself, moving over the light blue couch once more as she's starting to feel restless. The exact reason she hadn't answered the brunette's call earlier that day.

"She showed up at the firm," Donna continues, finding the only way to get through what's going on is to open up. "Harvey was out and –" She bites down on her lip, taking a moment to relive it all and at the same time wondering how much she can really tell, how much of the story is hers to tell.

"She thanked me," she decides on telling Rachel that. "For making him go see her a couple of months ago."

"That's lovely, isn't it?" Rachel answers, her hopeful tone resulting in another look from Mike and she smiles this time around, signalling that the redhead is at last talking and Mike makes his way back to the couch, lifts his wife's legs and lets the rest on his lap as he continues reading one of the files he'd taken home.

"And was that it or -"

Donna can hear the suggestive tone of her friend, also knows she's doing in on purpose. Leaving the question as open as possible to prevent her from finding a specific loophole in getting out of answering.

"It was," she answers instantly, her eyes closing and she holds her breath for a moment. "Not really but - She invited me for dinner with them but I didn't go."

"Why?"

"Because -"

"Because," Rachel repeats the word the redhead left her sentence hanging on.

She thinks about it now, again, for all the reasons she didn't accept. How awkward that dinner would have been, how she panicked and just said she shouldn't. The inability to know how to handle herself in that situation too much for someone who usually plans her life to a T.

"I -"

"You don't know how to allow yourself to be happy."

The words harsh but the truth but that doesn't mean the chief operating officer is willing to accept it as is and thus a ray of reasoning comes next.

"It was his mom who invited me, completely blindsiding him. I could see that by the look on his face. So I said no, and it's not like he invited me when we ran into each other later and he could have but didn't."

"Because you already said no," Rachel reasons, rolling her eyes at her friend's defensiveness on the other end on the line. She simply shakes her head now, giving Mike a look that says it all.

"Rach -" she swallows in the rest of her objections, tired of them herself, tired of fighting it. Tired of not having anyone to really talk to. "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," Rachel admits, pressing her lips into a thight and apologetic smile even though the woman can't see it. "I guess I just always hoped you two would make it work."

Donna swallows. The words exactly how she feels and she wishes she could just admit it, out loud that is, but she also knows it would make it that much harder to push it all back down again. So she deflects. "Married for two weeks and you sound like your husband already, you know that."

She hears a loud laugh coming through the speaker now, one that's followed by Mike's voice saying she's one to talk.

"Mike."

"Mike," Rachel repeats the half warning half greeting from the redhead.

"Please, you knew he was listening," Donna fires back in a beat, trying to hide her own grin though cause she's done the same move before herself.

"Can I put you on speaker?"

"Sure," Donna answers her friend, taking a deep breath and she moves over the couch. Exchanging the now half empty bucket of chunky monkey for her glass of wine.

"Donna," Mike greets his friend.

"Hey, pup."

"Listen," Mike continues tossing his file back on the table and moving closer to the phone in his wife's hand. "I know I said you should talk to Harvey, but I only did so because I too genuinely believe you two would make eachother happy."

He pauses for a moment, expecting an objection but the only sound he hears is her hum and he takes it as his cue to continue. "And I think deep down you know it too, otherwise you would have never kissed him after telling me it wasn't like that."

This time around there's only silence but it tells Mike enough, she would have objected if his words weren't the truth. So he continues again, telling her something he told Harvey a few days before through text. "And you two seemed pretty cosy together at the wedding."

Donna sighs, they were or had been exactly that. Wrapped up in each other's arms for the better part of the evening. Laughing, sharing as many memories as looks, but her practised routine of having an alternative reasoning ready for every suggestive comment in their direction kicks back in. The glass of wine on the table still too full to have that liquid courage effect. "We were best man and maid of honour, that doesn't mean -"

"Donna," the blond cuts his friend off, has heard the excuses far too many times for anything to add up and he knows she's just as stubborn if not more as her male counterpart. "If he does or says something, it does mean."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because when I met him, one of the first things he told me was not to care about clients and for a time I thought he didn't at all -"

"Mike," Donna already objects, wants to say that's the furthest thing from the truth.

"No listen," Mike cuts the redhead off again, continuing with what he wanted to tell her. "Because of that, it was also clear from the beginning who he did care about. He doesn't just care about you, Donna. And because it's you, he wouldn't do anything if he isn't sure himself."

"Mike, I -"

"I'm not telling you to wait or to do something about it but just be open to it, okay? Whether it comes too late or not, if he says something, let him say it. Don't think you know what's he's going to say or what it would all mean. Just be open to it."

She swallows once, fighting the tears that start to form and she repeats the kid's advice in her mind. _Be open to it._

"He's right, you know," Rachel's voice comes through the phone next.

"I know."

"Okay, I'll leave you, two ladies, to talk. Good night Donna."

·

.

Harvey reaches forward for the empty cardboard box in front of his mother, stuffing it into his own and then into the paper bag it was delivered with. Moving his fork aside, he now grabs the two used chopsticks and clears them too, walking over to the bin in the kitchen to throw them away, washing his hands after.

Lily follows him with the fork he left behind, placing it in the sink. She signals for him to grab two smaller plates from the cabinet as she moves to the fridge herself. Grabbing the strawberry pie she made the day before but they didn't make it to dessert that time around. "I get it now," Lily states striding back to the table they were just seated at.

Harvey follows his mother with two plates and the needed cutlery, sitting down at the table again. "Huh?" he mutters, not fully understanding her statement as he hands over the knife.

"Why you'd pick this place over all the ones closer to home," she answers in a beat, taking the knife from his hand. Lily starts cutting up the pie, turning the knife, to lift one of the pieces onto a plate and place Harvey's favourite dessert in front of him. "It's great."

He whispers thanks, glances down at the piece of pie in front of him and can't help but smirk at his mother's comment. Her description of the place the same one he always gets from the redhead when he calls it shitty. "It is."

Lily serves herself a piece of the strawberry piece too, sitting back down on her chair before refilling both of their glasses with the wine. She takes a moment, toying around with the piece of cutlery between her fingers. "I'm sorry, you know," she speaks then, "about last night."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about," Harvey counters in a beat, keeps looking at the pie in front of him. Uses his fork to cut off a piece, moving it around over the small plate instead of eating it. His thoughts already eating him up inside. The three people he usually ends up confiding in off limit for this, Jessica not being up to date on the latest problems, Mike too busy setting up his new work place to bother with the problem and Donna, well Donna was the problem. So he finds himself, once more, opening up to the one person he for the biggest part of his life never imagined he would, his mother. The statement blurted out before he can think it over and take it back.

"Donna kissed me."

The fork drops from her hand, the sound of metal clashing with stonework filling the silence. Repeating his words in her mind, her own conclusion she drew over the last couple of days and even before that, making her excitement take over. And much like her son, she speaks before fully thinking over her words. "That's wonderful." She glances up at Harvey, her happy smile soon making place for a frown when she notices the look on his face. "Isn't it?"

He lets out a deep breath, keeps his eyes directed downwards as he contemplates her question and he doesn't know the answer to that. It both being exactly that and the opposite but he can't bring himself to say it, so he brings up something else. "It happened while I was with -"

"Paula."

"My therapist," he corrects his mother, the words the truth but his admittal even makes him cringe. Deep down he knew it was off all along and the look on Lily's face, the way she opens her mouth but can't form the words says it all. "I know," he adds, shaking his head. "That shouldn't have happened in the first place."

"So - You broke up because Donna kissed you?"

"No," he answers instantly, but the one word answer makes him doubt it all the same. Of course it had been part of it, Donna had been part of every little argument, in fact, Donna was the reason he had found himself in that relationship altogether, but it was the other woman's ultimatum that triggered him into ending what could have and should have ended before. "Because - Well, there was also - Yeah. I -"

"Isn't it a good thing then?" Lily inquires, her tone of voice hopeful and she reaches over the table to place her hand on his arm. "Because clearly, if she did this, she feels the same way about you as you about her."

"I never said I -"

"Harvey," she objects before he can leave the sentence he wouldn't be able to finish unfinished anyway. "I might not have been in your life much these last twenty years but I'm still your mother. I can tell."

He bites down on his tongue, swallows thickly and feels his head slowly bobbing up and down as he can't deny his mother's words. It makes him think about that moment and the day that followed though, the things that were said and he exhales deeply.

"She doesn't," he says then breaking the silence.

"What?"

"She said she didn't -" The memory alone already leaving a bitter taste, saying the words she said to him making it even worse but he has to push himself through this. Better to talk about it now than to have to go through all of this again over the phone with either Mike or Jessica. "Feel anything when she did - Kiss me."

Harvey's words take Lily by surprise, leaving her stunned for the better part of a minute because it wasn't at all what she expected the situation to be. She glances back down at her glass of wine, lets the alcohol swivel around in the glass bowl as she thinks over her next words. She wants to apologise for bringing it up, twice now but then she remembers the run in with the woman in question that morning. The looks the two of them exchanged and how the redhead talked about her son, it all just not adding up to what he just told her.

"Did it ever occur to you she might have lied?"

As much as the words take him off guard and confuse him, he can't help but think them over. They're a thought that had crossed his mind before but it was only once and briefly. The thoughts pushed away almost as quickly as they came because he had lived with the certainty of her not thinking about him that way, him not being enough for her to reconsider her rule for so long it was just a given. Her easy acceptance at his out of bound request and her words later that day in the lobby only confirming what he'd known all along.

"Lied?" He repeats anyway, the question coming with a sour chuckle at the glimpse of hope that it sparked but it simply can't be the case. As much as, yes he wants it to be, his belief in her speaking the truth is bigger than his wants. "Why - Why would she lie?"

Lily swallows and shakes her head because truth to be told she doesn't know if the redhead did and much less why if she did, but she knows her son and she knows herself. The history behind them and how that had influenced him, twenty years apart could testify for it. So she carefully thinks over her answer, whether she should or shouldn't speak but she said this much so she decides to speak now as well.

"Because by what you told me, what she did and under which circumstances," she pauses for a second, making sure he's listening to her. She continues when he turns to glance at her. "I can only imagine how it reminded you of me and how you might have reacted because of that. Doing something rash to cover the guilt you felt or lashing out to her to feel in control."

Inhaling deeply, he wants to protest. Tell his mother he'd forgiven her before all of this happened but then he remembers the morning after the kiss. What he demanded her to tell him, how he bit her head off every move. How he told her he didn't want more first before she told him that line that had been edged into his brain ever since.

"How?" he asks then, forcing himself to focus on her spot on description of his behaviour.

"Because," she pauses again, knows it's a very delicate subject between them but he's asking and she only wants to help. "And you may not want to hear it but it's what I did after the first time with Bobby. I told him it was a mistake, it would never happen again and then I convinced your father to go on a family holiday."

"Florida," he recalls out loud, looking away from his mother now at the memory. He'd always felt something was off about that particular holiday when he was fifteen but now he knew for sure why. Part of him wants to scream at knowing how long his mother's affair with Bobby had been going on but he just can't find the energy for it anymore.

"Yes," Lily answers. "And for a while, that's how things stayed but - Well, you already know where this story ends."

He gulps at his mother's answer, reaches for the bottle of wine to refill his own glass. Needing more alcohol to truly process why she's telling him this.

"I'm an idiot."

Lily presses her lips together in a soft smile, bringing her hand to cover his arm much like she'd done before. "I wouldn't say that."

.

.

Harvey signals for Ray to pull over on 42nd Street right in front of the train station. He gets out of the car on the left side and walks around the black vehicle quickly, opening up the door for his mother. A frown settling on his face when he watches her hand over a small box to the driver, telling him something along with the gesture but he can't hear the words.

Letting his mother be, he moves to the trunk and opens it up. Reaching for the small trolley suitcase, he lifts it out of the car and holds it in his hand. Now waiting on the sidewalk as Lily climbs out of the car. He tells Ray to wait and shuts the door behind her, turning to face his mother again. He notices the look on her face, that one often given away she's up to something and he eyes her curiously. "What was that?"

She scrunches her nose and shrugs. "Nothing," she brushes it off, flashing him a smile as she moves ahead to the entrance of the train station. She, however, notices from the look on his face that he doesn't believe her. "I was just thanking Ray."

He tilts his head to the side, still not fully believing her but he really doesn't have a reason to question it either, swallowing in the _right_ that was on the tip of his tongue. He silently follows her inside the station and walks her to the platform. Placing the small suitcase down he lets out a deep breath and wonders what to say next. How to say goodbye.

Lily hesitates equally, staring at her son for a moment. After twenty years apart saying goodbye now, while knowing it isn't forever, is still hard. She takes a step forward and spreads her arms, engulfing him in her embrace. Holding him tightly before letting go again and taking a small step back, making sure she's able to look him in the eye before she speaks again, her hand resting on his cheek. "I hope you find happiness."

He answers with a tight-lipped smile, bobbing his head up and down.

"You'll never know for sure if you don't ask," she gives him one last piece of advice while reaching for her suitcase. Smiling at him once more she moves to the train, stalling again once she reaches the door.

"Harvey. Next time I'm in the city we're having that dinner."

It doesn't go unnoticed to him how Lily leaves out the name he knows she wants to add in that equation and he tries his best to hide the grin that image triggered. "Alright your train is about to leave," he counters instead, nodding and raising his hand in the air to wave her goodbye.

.

.

.

" _You'll never know for sure if you don't ask."_

A good eighteen hours later, his mother's words are still on repeat in his mind. She made it sound so simple; ask and you'll know and it should be. It should be that simple, he knows that deep down. It's just that his mother doesn't know the complexity that is them and what this all could mean.

One question could change them both forever and in the last eighteen hours, he's contemplated about following up on his mother's advice more times than he can count, more times than he'd like to admit.

His curiosity it more often winning than his rationality but that's all still in his mind. Hypothetical. Actually going out there and point blank asking her is another thing. With that comes a risk, one he's all too familiar with. Having lived through it not once but twice now.

There's a certain comfort that comes with the situation they're in now, a guarantee she'll be in his life like this. No matter what. And for a control freak and still rather emotionally-stunned man as him, it's easy.

He shakes his head and curses at that last word. His own thoughts. Easy. He's never gone for the easy things. At least not in his career and that's why it irks. Doesn't feel right to withhold that same spirit from his personal life, it doesn't feel right towards her either but he does consider the risk, in this case, to be much bigger than any in his career ever was. Including Mike's trial.

Years ago he'd have considered this a win, today he realises it isn't. It isn't losing either, but a settlement. He settled for something he can't fully define and doesn't know the terms of and while closing cases was his specialty, in this instance it feels like he's in over his head.

" _You'll never know for sure if you don't ask."_

His mother's words repeat themselves again.

And again.

Each time chipping away a layer of that made up comfort. He walks down the fiftieth floor that morning, hands buried in the pocket of his suit pants. The fingers of his right-hand tapping against the small metal object inside, and when he passes her office, catching her auburn locks from the corner of his eye it happens again.

" _You'll never know for sure if you don't ask."_

Just in front of the next office he stalls, right-hand now clenched around the object he pulls it out and unfolds his hand in front of him. He looks at the key for a moment, feet scraping over the floor. Closing his hand, he takes a deep breath and turns around to make the three steps back to her office. Letting himself inside without a knock.

She senses his presence instantly, feels her lips curling up ever so slightly but she stops herself from showing it by looking down at her computer. She does, however, speak to him. "What can Donna do for you, Harvey?"

He snickers and shakes his head at the way she phrases her question. "Nothing," he admits, letting out another breath and he manages to another two steps forward. "I have something for you."

She stops typing the second the words leave his lips, and she can't help but think about yesterday afternoon. How Ray had shown up at her door with a small box, uttering the same words she just heard.

"Uuh.." she struggles to find a response and can only look up at him instead. Swallowing once she notices him taking the last step to her desk, his arm now moving forward and her gaze drops from his face down his arm to his hand.

Watching him unfold his hand and place the object she figures to be inside but doesn't allow herself to think about makes her feel like it all happens in slow motion. The sound of the two metal surfaces hitting each other that follows makes her heart skip a beat. She can barely stop herself from gasping when he pulls his hand back and, indeed, the key comes in her view. She slowly looks back up at him. His name on the tip of her tongue, but he's faster.

"It belongs to you. I should have never accepted it back, just – " He pauses for a second. Signalling the key with a flick of his wrist. "It's yours."

She closes her gaping mouth and presses her lips together in a thin line, trying her best to hide her emotions while thanking him with a look all the same. She watches him nod and turn around and it's only then that she dares to reach for the object. Fingers sliding over the metal that still feels warm to the touch, his touch and when her thumb runs down the brown leather keychain she turns to look at him again.

"Is she still alive?" she hears herself ask before she can think it over and she closes her eyes for the briefest of moments. Cursing her instinct of playing down heavy moments, deflecting. Exactly like Mike told her she did the other day.

"She?" He repeats unsure, shuffling on his spot in the door opening to look at her. "What?" he adds now, wondering what her question was about.

"Princess Prickles," she makes up on the spot now, figuring it's best to go along with whatever it was that had come out of her mouth. If anything she can't and won't show that this was what she always did, hiding her emotions. So she plays it up with a smirk smile and what she hopes is a twinkle in her eye.

"The cactus you gave me?" he counters when it dawns on him what she's asking him and he can't help but grin. "You named it?"

"Her."

"Her," he repeats drawing his bottom lip between his teeth as he stops himself from smiling at her silly act and he forces a frown to spread over his face. "Still. A name?" he keeps with his previous remark.

Donna shrugs lightly, mirroring his move by repeating her original question. "Well, is she?"

"Why don't you use that key and see for yourself."

Her eyes widen just a hint and her gaze flickers from the key in her hand he just pointed at and back up at him. A fluttering feeling settling in the pit of her stomach, she opens her mouth to answer but when she remembers Mike's words she scoffs instead and restructures her sentence. "If you think I'm going to water your plants, you're mistaken, mister."

He laughs relieved, isn't entirely sure where his own comment came from and it sounded more like his younger, more carefree self. It must have been the result of that one question he keeps wondering about, the words just slipping out in a different form but her answer, though witty all the same, makes him slip back into reality.

"Right," he mutters now, suddenly wondering if this did or didn't fall into their new normal category and he doesn't feel like sticking around in her office to mull over that. "I uhm – I guess I'll see you at the meeting this afternoon."

"Right," she mirrors, her smirk smile fading now that the tone between them switched back to business. "The partner's meeting. Yes, you will," she recovers quickly, nodding one last time at him before returning to her files, only the sound of her door closing indicating that he did the same.

.

.

Wiggling his pen up and down between his fingers he listens or more like tries to listen to the arguments going back and forth between the handful of senior partners in the room but the redhead across the table catches his attention more often. His gaze first fixated on how the sunlight hits her hair, it drops to her hand when she takes notes and her lips when she speaks.

" _You'll never know for sure if you don't ask."_

He shifts in his chair when he hears it again, and he coughs once just to distract himself from his own thoughts. Five pair of eyes fixate in on him right after and it's the way her brow raises ever so slightly that he realises he must have made more of a noise than he intended to.

"Nothing," he mutters, signalling his throat to cover up his lie. He even reaches for the glass of water in front of him to take a sip. "Continue."

He actually pays attention to the discussion of making Katrina senior partner after that for a full two minutes but he drifts off into his own world soon after. This time it's her dress that leaves him confused, all the black straps that run from the fabric and over her shoulders, leaving parts open for his gaze to fixate on freckles he hasn't seen up close in over a decade.

Knowing better than anyone that the redhead can sense gazes he never allows his to linger for more than three seconds, often falling back on the stack of files in the middle of the table just in front of her, just like now.

To his own surprise he realises he is paying more attention than he thought he was when he hears the subject of Gray Couture being brought up, but in reality, it's just because it was the redhead who asks about the case. He moves to sit up straighter in his chair, ready to answer when Samantha does so for him.

He wants to object but doesn't when he hears the lawyer bring up some new developments he missed and the questions Donna is asking indicate she did know about this. In any other situation he would have spoken out but he had been absent and he realises soon enough she must have had a hand in it. The last thing he wants to do is throw her under the bus in front of Zane, especially after he's fought for her position, so he decides to sit back and nod. Pretend he had been aware of the recent developments and that it was indeed all going to plan.

Once the meeting is over he makes his way out of the conference room rather quickly, mainly to prevent anyone from asking about the case. On the other hand, he just needed to get away from her for a moment, to pull himself together and think about something else than that one piece of advice.

He doesn't really get the chance to do so though, once more distracting himself by glancing at her from the corner of his eye. But this time it's not just her, it's the way she's speaking to Samantha, the laugh that follows from both women. The two have seemingly been far too amicable for his memory.

Frowning he takes two steps out of sight when he hears them move to the door, shuffling on his spot he instantly finds himself turning around and following the redhead to her office. He's pretty sure she sensed his presence in the hallway already but he only speaks when he reaches her door and she's near her desk.

"I thought you thought she was annoying."

She chuckles softly, walks around her desk and pulls her chair back. Sitting down before she replies. "I think you are annoying sometimes too."

"Very funny," he counters with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes as it normally would.

She notices it, that tiny hint of something she won't allow herself to define. To read into, like Mike told her she did, but she gives in all the same. "Harvey we have to work with her no matter what. So yeah, I decided to bury the hatchet. We've been through enough internal power struggles."

"Fair enough," he answers, biting down on his lip and he backs away to the door again.

"I wouldn't have given her your case if it wasn't an emergency," she calls after him before he can truly step out of her office.

"You didn't call."

"You never take a day off, so I – "

Harvey slowly bobs his head up and down, letting her words sink in. "I know," he admits before adding. "You were right to do it." He nods once more, drags his feet over the floor but he pauses just before and he turns around yet again. "Hey."

"What?" she whispers, curiously glancing up at him as his tone changed with his last word.

"You're uh.. " He bites down on his lip, considers whether he should or shouldn't continue. "You're not going to give away our – Our drinks thing to her too, right?"

She smiles softly and shakes her head but she won't answer. She won't tell him that's just him and her. Her take on Mike's advice.

He grins softly. "I'll see you later then."

.

.

.

He shuffles over his seat in the middle of the couch, fingers impatiently tapping on his knee. He looks around but can't see much from his current position, it being especially hard to look in her direction of the firm from this point. Looking over his shoulder to the left once more, all he can really see is the empty cubicle outside of his office.

Sighing once he wonders why he didn't mention a time to her earlier that day, it feels like one of their meetings last week and the waiting, the unknowing part is making him restless. Another three minutes pass by before he pushes himself on his feet, walks his way back to his desk and decides to busy himself with some files.

It's then that he hears the familiar sound of her four-inch heels tapping on the floor, the soft thuds getting louder by the second and the reaction his body has can only be described as a fifteen-year-old boy seeing his crush. Cause that's exactly how he feels when she steps into his office, a bright smile plastered across her face and a paper bag with Thai food in her hand.

He watches her make a beeline for the table on the right end side of his office, his gaze instantly locking in on her white form-fitting dress and the sway off her hips. He swallows thickly and absentmindedly licks his lips.

"Took you long enough," he teases her, taking two long strides in her direction and he feels his stomach turn at the sound of her laugh that follows, it immediately making him smile too.

"Hold your horses, mister."

He swallows thickly, his eyes never leaving her frame when he moves closer to where she's standing. It's his mother's advice that's been on his mind nonstop for over twenty-four hours, the way she smiles and just looks and a sudden rush of bravery that makes his body move onto autopilot.

His right hand moving to her left, taking the paper bag with food out of her hand. He places it aside and as he does so, her face turns towards him. A curious look in her eyes but all he sees is the way they sparkle and how they fixate in on his when his fingers caress her pulse point.

He uses his left hand to move to her face, placing a strand of hair behind her ear and all he can think about, with his heart beating out of his chest, is how absolutely stunning the woman in front of him is. His gaze subsequently dropping from her wide eyes to her lips when he notices them part, in the same moment his thumb brushes over her cheek and he cups her face.

While in reality, the moment was only a couple of seconds, every move and ever look to him felt as if in slow motion. It's only when he takes that one last tiny step, closing the gap between them, his lips meeting hers that his entire world speeds back up.

The kiss chaste but enough to bring him, them, alive and he pulls back mere seconds later just like when she kissed him. He keeps his eyes closed after, just for a moment.

Her face still cupped in his hand when his forehead meets hers and a soft, almost relieved sigh escapes him making him whisper his next words.

"Now I know too."

"Harvey."

His eyes flicker open when he hears her say his name, his gaze meeting hers in an instant. The confusion he saw before still there but not just a hint of it anymore. The way her head shakes softly, how she steps away and the words that come out of her mouth next putting his world upside down.

"I don't think you understand."

Frozen on his spot, his mouth left agape and his hands drop down his side. He can't move, can't speak but the way his heart is racing tells him it's very much happening and he can already predict the words that will come next.

"I didn't lie."

Wide-eyed and panting loudly, he's sitting straight up in his bed. Trying to catch his breath, his hand moves to his chest. Feeling his heart beat erratically, he closes his eyes once more.

"Fuck," he curses into the darkness, hands moving over the sheets until his elbows meet his knees. Inhaling deeply, his head drops and repeats the one-word reaction to his dream annex nightmare again and again.

" _You'll never know for sure if you don't ask."_

"Fuck," he breathes out once more, closing his eyes and letting his body drop down onto his empty bed. Can't help but feel annoyed at his mother, he knows it's misplaced but her words gave him that tiny glimpse of hope and every waking minute, now apparently sleeping too, he finds himself crushed at the idea of her having spoken the truth.

The one thing he'd accepted and lived by the second she said it, much like any other time in all the years behind them. Her words were his guide and he followed them to the letter, a handful of business-related occasions aside he'd never found himself wishing she had lied to him.

But now he was sure, that that was exactly what he's wishing for.


	6. Chapter 6 - The Hard Truth

_Hello everyone, remember me and this fic? I'm so so sorry it took this incredibly long to update as I wanted to get it all out before the season and now we're a couple of days away from the midseason finale. Some of you know, but life took a big turn (for the better) but it left me with close to zero time for a long time but I got it done. FINALLY. So I wanted to thank you all for your patience, for all the favs/follows and reviews you left on the previous chapters. They've been such a big inspiration and really helped me get this out at last. So without much further ado, this turned into a monster of a chapter. Longest one I've ever written, I bet. Warnings mentioned before still apply *pretends to be shocked* I do really hope it was worth the wait, and please let me know what you thought. X - M._

* * *

 _You're too proud to say_

 _That you've made a mistake_

 _You're a coward '_

 _til the end_

 **LIES**

 **Chapter Six | The Hard Truth**

* * *

 **05:08**

He blinks twice and eyes the four red glowing numbers his microwave presents to him at this godforsaken hour. He yawns then, runs his hand over his face and rubs his eyes as his feet heavily pad through the kitchen. The bottle of Macallan 18 on the liquor cabinet near the window looming in the back, the dream he woke up from about an hour ago nearly making him cave but he flicks on the coffee machine on his right instead.

Impatiently, he taps his fingers on the counter and waits for the white mug to be filled with the first fresh brew of the day. The motions so ingrained in his morning routine he mindlessly reaches for the small bottle of vanilla extract and adds a splash of it to his cup. Only realising his actions once he takes a sip, the added flavour suddenly overwhelming at the moment and sending a warmth down his frame.

One he, despite the ending of his dream, woke up with and one that kept presenting itself every time he let his thoughts drift off throughout the short hour he wandered through his apartment. Dreaming about her wasn't an entirely uncommon occurrence, whether actively putting his mind to it like before the other time or his subconscious bringing it to him in the later years. His skilled practice of putting those thoughts, the flashes of red hair, long slim legs and freckles, out of his mind and not question them again failing this time. Even after he took a cold shower.

He swallows thickly and glances at the cup of coffee in his hand, but it's her he tastes on his lips. He ends up pouring the remainder of the hot beverage down the drain. The drink too much a reminder of the redhead.

Empty cup in hand, he steps aside to open up his dishwasher. The machine still containing the china used on Sunday evening, he finds himself putting away plates he barely touches at five twenty in the morning. Replacing the dessert plates with the cup, he opens up the cabinet on the left and adds two to the remainder of the set.

The sight oddly catching his attention and he frowns when he notices the stack is one short compared to the matching dinner plates on the right. It's not something he ever thought of noticing and he can't even remember how many of each he's supposed to have but he does consider the inconsistency to be off.

Checking the dishwasher again for another item he doesn't find it but apart from questioning its whereabouts he doesn't give it much more thought. Settling on once having broken one and never replaced it to be the reason, he shrugs it off with another yawn and despite his sleepiness he decides then to just make his way into the office already, hoping work will be a distraction.

It's just over six that Tuesday morning when he enters the office, sauntering down the empty hallways of the fiftieth floor. He deliberately takes the route that doesn't pass her office, the vanilla free coffee that had followed after the one he tossed away not having helped one bit yet. By the time he sits behind his desk and flips through his files he feels the need for alcohol even more than before but it will be one hell of a day if he gives in, so he doesn't.

Instead, he tries to focus on his cases. Hoping to get as much work done until the inevitable happens. Meaning running into the redhead and going through this wave of emotions again; first the rush of seeing her that makes itself known in a warm sensation: a fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach, a twitch in his groin and momentary lapse of concentration.

As soon as that comes it fades with the memories of the end of his dream, the fear of her having told the truth coming with short quick breaths and an increased heartbeat but it's the third thing that he keeps settling on. The one thing that sticks around the longest and is starting to drive him insane.

The uncertainty.

He closes the blue manila folder in front of him and picks the next one from the stack on the right corner of his desk. His gaze briefly landing on the two glasses on his coffee table. A physical reminder of last night.

He thinks about the drinks they shared. That nothing new between them and while nothing happened, he can't say that when he got up and told her he was heading home, his proposal of giving her a ride home wouldn't have been testing the waters.

The words however never having come to life as she had instantly nodded and replied with saying she should finish up some files she'd been working on. As merely her colleague he hadn't been in the position to tell her to leave it for the other day.

He sighs then, returning his gaze to the papers in front of him in the hopes his mind will focus on it too but, for now, all he can think about is how he'll ever be able to find out the truth when he couldn't even ask her if she wanted a ride home or not.

.

.

Louis knocks on the glass partition twice before letting himself into the junior partner's office, stopping in his place when Katrina raises her index finger in the air and signals the phone next as she moves around her office.

Quickly rounding up her call with her client, reassuring him they'll take care of his every need. She places her phone on her desk and turns to look at the name partner. A soft smile spreading across her face as she greets her friend. "What can I do for you, Louis?"

"Ooh," the name partner mutters, pointing at himself with his hand. He quickly shakes his head. "Nothing," he reassures her. "I just came by to tell you that it took some convincing but your promotion to senior partner should come soon and don't worry you have months to pay the buy-in."

Louis watches his former associate, the look on the blonde's face however not matching his own bright grin or the look her pictured her to sport. "What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted?"

"It is," she answers in an instant. Biting down on the corner of her lip, holding back a sigh. "I just –" She turns around to look out of the window, she can't face her friend at that moment much less get words over her lips. Being used. "I don't think I'm ready, that's all."

"Katrina," Louis objects taking a step towards her. "You are the best associate I have ever had."

She tilts her head to the side, doesn't fire back on how she's also been the only one he's ever had as a personal associate. "I know," she reasons. "I know I'm good enough to make senior partner but I want to make it because of that, not some power play that's been going on."

"There's no – "

"Really," the blonde junior partner cuts him off, turning on her spot to face the name partner and she defensively crosses her arms in front of her chest. "You don't expect me to believe the timing of my promotion being brought up, before Zane was even really here, isn't dodgy?"

.

.

Crossing her left leg over her right, she swirls the small layer of scotch around in her crystal tumbler. Her foot now bobbing up and down on the rhythm of the soft music coming from her laptop, that filling the momentary silence between them and she turns to glance at the man sitting on her right.

Her gaze landing on his frame first, her eyes travel over his face and while he absentmindedly stares at his first drink of the day in his hand she observes him. The wrinkles near the corner of his eyes and the smile tugging on the corner of his lips. It's his silence, the way he looks down that makes her ask though. "You okay?"

Her soft voice wakes him from his thoughts and he shakes his head slowly before turning to his left. His gaze locking in on hers and he bobs his head up and down with a smile this time around. "Yeah," he reassures her and he keeps looking at her even long after she redirects her gaze.

Moving the glass around in her hand once more, she draws her bottom lip between her teeth contemplating her next action. She quickly takes a sip of her scotch when she makes up her mind. "I got something for you," she tells him, briefly glancing at him over her shoulder. She ignores the way he still looks at her, focusing on her own words. She shifts over the couch to the edge of her seat, leaning forward to place her glass down.

He hums once, watches her get up. With a tilt of his head to the left, he lets his gaze to follow her every move, dropping down and tracing her form when she halts near her desk and he finds himself swallowing thickly when she leans forward.

He's always known and thought she was a beautiful woman but after the other time, he has never completely allowed himself to feel that attraction that has been there since the beginning. It wouldn't have been doable otherwise, work side by side but now that he does it's twelve years of repressed feelings catching up with him and he finds himself gawking at her more often.

This being the umpteenth time that day since he ran into her this morning. It's the lilac dress she is wearing. In all the years he's known her, he has seen her wearing a variety of colours and numerous shades of pink. Old, hot, salmon, peach, burgundy and various tones of purple but she has never once worn lilac.

Not since the other time.

This garment isn't as short and doesn't have lace framing her generous cleavage but it fits her body like a second skin and his gaze all too eagerly derails down her slim legs when one of her feet lifts of the floor for a moment. He swallows thickly, eyes closing for the briefest of seconds. He opens them again after the first flash of red hair on white sheets and he subconsciously wets his lips.

He quickly redirects his gaze to her face and discretely crosses his legs when she stands back up and turns around on her spot, this time he watches her walk back to him and he can't help but grin when she gives him a look. His brows draw together when he notices his tie rolled up in her hand, the one that he forgot the other day. "Where did you get that?"

She laughs once, shakes her head at his comment. He made it sound as if she stole it and that's the furthest thing from the truth. She could have given in back earlier though. "You left it behind on that chair," she counters, extending her hand with the silk object in his direction. Turning it around so that a part of the tie slips from her hand and hangs in the air between them.

He quickly downs the rest of his scotch, placing the tumbler on her coffee table he shifts ever so slightly over the couch. Sitting a bit more to the left now that he extends his hand to take back his belongings. His fingers sliding over the silver fabric, softly pulling on it. His action making her hand come near his and her fingertips brush over the palm of his hand while his reach her pulse point.

Swearing he can feel her heartbeat quicken under his touch, his gaze drops to their hands but in the same moment that spark of hope turns into a slight panic because it automatically comes with the fear of rejection. Quickly folding his hand around the silky fabric he produces a soft smile and whispers thanks as he pulls his hand back.

Feeling her fingertips tingling she holds her breath and shuffles over her spot, now turning to sit back down on the couch next to him. Still planted down on the edge, she turns to the right a bit, her knees getting close this his legs and she leans forward to refill his glass and add a bit to her own.

Holding out his glass in front of him like before, this time both of them are hyper aware of the small touch they just shared and his fingers fold around the bottom of the glass. She reaches for her own glass after handing over his and she slides back over the seating area. Crossing her left leg over her right, she lets out a tired sigh when her back hits her couch and her right-hand drops to the small space in between them.

"Long day?" he asks her, knowing fully well his own day has been longer than hers.

"No," she whispers, with a soft shake of her head she turns to look at him. "Not really," she admits, thinking back to what she did today and it actually included a long lunch out of the firm with Katrina. "You were here early though," she counters, remembering seeing him moving around in his office in the distance already when she arrived at seven thirty.

"I can do that you know," he fires back in a beat. "Be on time."

She snickers first, shooting him a look that tells him she knows enough from experience over the years and it usually is the other way around. Her mind then drifts off to the reason of almost every single time he showed up late at the firm.

He notices her smile and the sparkle in her eyes fading, that observation making him swallow. He knows their words don't indicate it this time but he also knows where her mind must have drifted off to. While that look pains him to see, it also selfishly gives him another tiny piece of the puzzle he's trying to solve.

"I uh –" he tries to find his voice. "I actually woke up around four and couldn't fall back asleep after so I came into work early." He moves the glass around in his hand, watching the auburn liquid swivel and when the tiny wave settles again he brings the crystal to his lips and takes a big gulp.

She wants to ask if it's the weather, the heat that's currently tormenting the city but in all the years she's known him she's never once heard him complain about that so she settles on something else, her words meant as a tease because it's him but she has no clue how spot on they really are. "Bad dream?"

He swallows thickly, the memories or in particular one moment of that dream never having left his thoughts but her words bring it back all the same. "Something like that," he answers, it the most he's ready to share on the subject.

He brings the glass to his lips and downs the rest of his scotch in one gulp, his silent and not so subtle way of changing the subject he brought up himself. Angling his body forward he slides his empty glass on her coffee table before he moves back to lean against the couch, his left hand sliding of his thigh to the small place between them.

While the motion was a move on his part to distract himself, from the conversation, the dream and his new but in reality perpetual fear, their new sitting arrangement is a distraction in itself. Both having moved and shifted around since they sat down at the beginning of the evening and the space between them had subsequently grown smaller over time.

He hears her talk but listening would be an overstatement, her voice turning to background noise as his attention is on her presence. Hyper aware of her posture, body angled in his direction, her knees turned ever so slightly to the right. Legs crossed, her left foot would scrape past his suit pants if she were to bob her foot up and down. But what he experiences the most is the proximity of her hand. Resting on the soft blue coloured couch next to his, less than an inch between them.

He swears he can almost feel the warmth coming from her hand and he remembers the way her hand slipped into his months ago and just a couple of weeks ago at their friend's wedding. A moment he'd treasured at both occasions but the freedom the last one provided is what he misses now. That excuse to hold her, to feel her, to hide behind the truth.

His gaze fixates on his own pinky finger, can almost feel it wanting to twitch. If he would just extend it a little, he'd touch her, slow and careful. Hesitatingly, like the thought of doing so long been forbidden, his fingertip would trace her phalanx. One, two, never reaching the one attached to her knuckle as it would slip in between the warm space of her last two fingers and hook around her pinky. The gesture quite literally a promise of what could be.

He draws his lips between his teeth, subconsciously wetting his bottom lip in the process as he hums along to her voice, that however fading away behind his own thoughts of that gesture. He's so close to doing it, the simplest and smallest of touches and he feels like if he even wants to have the chance to do so he needs to look away now, redirect his gaze from their hands for the woman next to him has the uncanny ability to sense his every move and thought but never quite interpret it the way he means. Lifting his gaze slowly, at the same pace his finger shifts to the left.

"Another?"

His head bobs up at that and his hand jumps an inch but lands on the soft couch instead of her hand. He watches her now, sitting perked up on the edge of the seat again, sliding her own glass onto her coffee table and just when she's about to turn to look over shoulder, in search for an answer to her question he swallows and makes up his mind.

"No." The word comes with a shake of his head and he brings his hand back to his own side, pulling on the hem of his jacket he scrapes his throat and suppresses a yawn. "Its uhm getting late…" A yawn escaping him now as his tiredness is catching up with him. "I'm going to head home," he insists, pushing himself onto his feet.

Standing in front of the couch, he glances down at her and presses his lips together in a thin line when she looks back up at him. Her bright hazel eyes staring up at him and the nod that follows almost making him cave but he can't. The nights of shared drinks a new ritual he isn't willing to give up but it also functions as a reminder of the almost, what might never be and he can't stay.

Remembering her reaction from the night before and the one of his own imagination in his dream he doesn't offer her a ride home today either. Depositing his hands in the pockets of his pants he wishes her a good night. "See you tomorrow," his last words come before he steps out of her office.

The suggestion of ordering in on the tip of her tongue, she watches him walk away. Her gaze slowly following him until he rounds to the right and disappears out of her sight. Holding back a sigh she finds herself glancing down at the two glasses on the table, the sight starting to match how she feels on the inside.

Empty, more confused than she already was but she was following his lead, letting him be just like she was suggested but each day that passes she wonders if it will ever lead to something.

"Well, thanks, Mike."

.

.

.

He looks down at his feet, shuffling them over the elevator floor while waiting for the doors to close. The metal box empty beside him, the thirty-second ride up to the fiftieth floor on Thursday morning long enough to let his mind drift off to the dream starring the redhead he had last night.

It's the third day in a row he dreamed about her. The first taking place in his office, the second a replay of the other time and the one from last night set in a potential future, all three of them ended the same way though. With her telling him his feelings aren't shared.

" _You never know for sure if you don't ask."_

He hears his mother's words again. The advice being one of the first thoughts he has after waking from each dream and while his fear of already having heard the truth is still there he fantasises about asking her.

"Did you -"

The rest of his practice sentence dies on the tip of his tongue and he stops rocking back and forth on his feet when the elevator comes to a halt, the doors sliding open with a soft pinging sound. He lifts his head and his gaze instantly locks in on her form stepping off of the opposing elevator.

She's wearing a fitted maroon coloured dress with a structure he doesn't fully understand but the neckline definitely speaks his language and he has a hard time not staring at her. He bites his tongue to stop himself from swallowing, producing a smirk to match the smile she's wearing, Harvey stuffs his hands down the pocket of his suit pants. As discreetly as possible he adjusts the latter while stepping off the small metal box and meeting her halfway.

"Donna."

She draws in a breath at the sight of him, clad in her favourite grey Tom Ford suit and smile to boot. She stalls, bringing her hands together in front of her. A somewhat uncharacteristic trade but she has to stop the urge from fixing the black tie he put on this morning. Bobbing her head to the side, she allows her gaze to flick over his form once as she draws her right leg behind her left pressing her thighs together in the process.

"Harvey," she greets him. Her flirtatious tone even surprising herself but there's something about his air that brings it out in her. The looks they share a little bit too long for two regular colleagues and they silently turn on their place. Simultaneously making their way to the main reception desk like countless times before.

He glances at her from the corner of his eye, watching her walk beside him and the way a smile tugs on her lips. He's reminded of his mother's words again but when he opens his mouth other words come out.

"If I'd known you'd come now, I'd have gotten you coffee."

Her brows knit together in a small frown, his words taking her by surprise she turns to look at him again. Pressing her lips together in a thin line, she smiles and shrugs softly. "It's okay," she replies, lacking a better answer.

He matches her smile, his own soon turning into a grin when a thought crosses his mind and he guides the two of them to the executives kitchen. Holding the door open for her, he urges her to get into the room with a bob of his head.

"What are you doing?" Her questions comes the second she steps into the room, turning to look over her shoulder as he follows her inside, closing the door behind him.

"Getting you coffee."

She chuckles once and shakes her head, watches him cross the room to the counters now. Already opening up one of the cabinets when she uses his name in objection. "Harvey."

He merely shakes his head, doesn't want to hear her objection and continues the excuse he gave himself to spend some time with her before they each have to retreat to their own offices. He reaches for another coffee cup and moves to the coffee machine.

She watches him move the cups back and forth in the machine, her gaze moving from his hands to his face and she notices the frown that's forming between his brows and how he hustles with the machine. She shifts on her spot, bites down on her lip to stop herself from commenting but when she sees his hand move to the wrong button she steps ahead and stops him.

Her hand on his arm, she softly pushes him aside and starts finishing the task for him. Explaining every move as she goes, she's fully aware he does know how to make coffee or more specifically _her_ coffee.

It's his hand gracing the small of her back when he sidesteps her to open the cabinet on her right. His body sandwiching her between the counter and his own, he blindly reaches for the bottle of vanilla while keeping his gaze on the woman right in front of him and he thinks he sees her swallow but it might be his own reaction.

Stepping back, he increases the distance between them just a little. Not because he wants to but has to, for his own sanity. The look she throws him and the way he smirks however only getting closer to that line they've been toeing for years.

He takes one of the cups out of the machine and adds a splash of the sweetener to it before handing it over to Donna. "There you go."

She snickers at the confidence the sentence was delivered with even though she did most of the work. Covering the cup with both of her hands, she brings it to her face and just before she takes a sip she vocalises her gratefulness barely above a whisper.

He watches her eyes fall shut and her lips curl up in appreciation on the first sip, only tearing his gaze away from her after. He takes the small bottle of vanilla and adds a splash of it to the second cup. Placing the vanilla extract back in the cabinet, both of them turn to look at the door when Samantha marches in.

The redhead nods once at the other woman and quietly steps aside, making room for the female lawyer to make a drink of her own. The blonde lawyer, however, surprises both of them by just taking the cup that was still on the counter. "Sorry, I'm in a rush," she reasons, turning around again.

Samantha senses that the name partner wants to protest to her actions and she slows down just in front of the door again. Turns to look at the lawyer and the COO, she stops any words from him with her own. "Some of us actually solve cases, coffee boy."

Donna bites down on her tongue to prevent a chuckle from escaping and she peeks at him from the corner of her eye. The dumbfounded look on his face making the soft sound echo through the room anyway. "Here," she adds, handing over the vanilla flavoured coffee to him after taking one more sip. "I got a meeting," she explains, bidding him farewell with a thin lipped smile and a nod.

He mirrors her motions, waiting until the redhead disappears from his line of sight until he lowers his gaze to the white cup in his hands. Eyeing the object, he takes in the familiar scent and he spots the red lipstick stain on the cup then. Smiling to himself he turns the cup around in his hand, lining the red marks up with his lips when he brings the coffee cup to his mouth.

And for the first time in days, he enjoys his favourite hot beverage. His fears, his dream filled nights and the uncertainty aren't on his mind, she still is though but he considers it a good start of a day.

.

Pathetic.

That's the word he'd use to describe witnessing someone who's doing what he's doing. It's also the word he knows the pup would chime in his direction but he can't help himself. She's on his mind more than ever; his concentration failing every time she passes his office. Meetings are a staring fest and above anything, he makes the most random trips around the fiftieth floor in the off chance to run into her without having to march himself into her office for no specific reason. There's only so much advice one can ask for on a case and still sound believable.

He looks to his left, scanning the fiftieth floor before he turns to the right and does the same; looking for any curious glances and prying eyes. When he spots neither, he quickly takes the last five steps towards the file room and enters the archive just like the redhead had done seconds prior.

It really is pathetic, the way he acts and he knows it but he doesn't care. Quietly closing the door behind him again, he takes slow and measured steps through the room, halting near the end of a row filing cabinets he leans against the metal structure and watches the redhead go about her business.

She bites down on her tongue, continuing her task at hand by opening up the copy machine and placing the original file on the glass plate, shutting the lid after again. All the while pretending she didn't sense his presence the moment he stepped into the room and no matter how carefully slow or soundless he moves she'd recognise his steps in a heartbeat anyway. Counting to five in her mind, she decides to break the comfortable silence by acknowledging his presence. Something she does by pronouncing his name.

"Harvey, you don't have any papers in your hand why are you waiting in line for the copier."

He swallows once, holds back a grin but pushes himself onto his feet at the same time. "Okay, mind reader," he mirrors her greeting with the same mirth and he crosses the small section in the back of the file room, coming to a halt just behind her. "What are you doing?"

She chuckles once and fights the urge to roll her eyes at his question. That in itself being so obvious, it's the tone it got delivered with that prevents her from doing so, her stomach, however, does turn. She lets out a breath, keeps her gaze firmly directed on the machine in front of her. "I am making copies, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Well," he mutters. "Yeah." His eyes close at his own absurd question and he shakes his head cursing the effect she has on him. Trained to talk for a living, win cases by presenting facts in a favourable light yet with her it's the opposite, losing his ability to talk almost altogether.

She turns to look over her shoulder in his direction, his stammering endearing but not enough a reason to take it easy on him. As much as she wants to, her witty remarks, the teasing still her default way to cover her own feelings. "I know you might not have a clue how this works but just because I became COO doesn't mean I can't make my own copies."

He grimaces at her words, it's not the first time she called him out on his inability to do the simplest of tasks. He nods at her then, proudly but it also makes him realise that what he's witnessing, as much as he enjoys the view, shouldn't be necessary in the first place. "You don't have to -"

She throws him another glance, blindly pressing another button on the control panel. "Are you going to make copies for me, copy boy?"

Her words fluster him more than he wants to admit and he crosses his arms in front of his chest for a moment, immediately dropping them after. "No," he admits, taking a step towards her still. He shakes his head at her newest nickname for him, it's a clear play on what she heard Samantha call him that morning but this time around he doesn't mind that much. "But your assistant will."

"My -" She can't even pronounce the word. She wants to say she doesn't need one but after having been that for so many years the idea of having one of her own is appealing too.

"Assistant," he repeats, redirecting his gaze from her to the control panel of the copy machine. Pressing start for her as she hadn't done so yet. A grin plastered on his face when he glances back up at her. "You're our COO, you deserve to have one. I don't know why I -"

He swallows in the rest of his words when she tilts her head to the side, watches her turn on her spot towards him and next thing he knows her hands slide over his tie. Fixing the dimple that was just ever so slightly to the left. Swallowing thickly once more, he finds himself staring at the woman in front of him. Gaze slowly dropping from her eyes to her lips and he can't help but wet his own.

She notices his gaze drop and a shiver runs down at that realisation, her own soon mirroring his action. Looking at the lips she doesn't allow herself to think about but she can still feel and even taste his on her own. She lets the silk piece of fabric slide through her fingers and she brings it back to his chest. Hands resting there for a moment, tapping on the lapels of his jacket on the rhythm of the only sound in the background. The copy machine pushing out her papers, the lack of noise when it finishes its task also what makes her snap out of her thoughts.

"There," she whispers. Taking a step back and bringing her hands back to her side, she quickly turns on her spot. Making her back face him as she tries to hide the warmth that had spread through her body at his proximity. "Thank you," she adds now, logging off from the machine. "But I could just steal Cameron whenever I need something."

He bites down on his lip at her stubborn reaction, wants to tell her once more she doesn't have to because she should have her own. She's a great COO and he should have told her that before, given her all the perks that come with the job and in the end it just came down to the fact that he should have promoted her years ago. Instead, he half plays along. "Well you can have him, kid's colour coding system is a mess."

She holds back a chuckle but shakes her head all the same. Can't believe the guy still didn't follow her advice after she practically spelt it out for him. "Well," she muses then, unceremoniously waving her hand around before she turns to remove the original file from the copier. "Not everyone can be like me."

He glances at her again, lets his gaze move over her frame and he doesn't exactly know why she said it and even if she meant it on a pure professional level, his next words aren't. "No one is like you."

She feels her chest tighten and the warmth she felt before now spreading over her cheeks in the form of a blush. She keeps facing the machine, head tilting forward just a bit making her hair fall over her shoulder and shield her face from him.

He watches her intently, notices the fumbling of her fingers and the way her chest rises up and down with a deep breath she takes. He doesn't regret the words because they are very much the truth in whatever way she will interpret them but in thirteen years of seeing her reactions he also knows it means something that she isn't letting him see hers this time around, or at least not right away.

Biting down on his lip he takes a step to the left, standing next to her in front of the machine. He reaches for the files in the printer tray and holds them up in the space between them, his gaze only meeting hers when she takes them from his hand, the entire exchange of files a couple of seconds to long to just be that.

The moment broken by the nod that follows, a silent thank you on her part and he takes the way her lips curl up into a soft smile as a win he didn't know he was playing for but he realises now it's by far one of the most beautiful things he has seen and would do anything to get her to smile like that.

Her smile enticing his gaze back to her lips, something he could stop from happening for years because he pushed the possibility of something so far down, the mere suggestion from anyone would result in a confused look on his part. These days he finds himself more and more distracted by her, by the possibilities and the memories of her touch. Her hand in his, her body close to his own and her lips soft against his own winning it from the fear of rejection.

The need to spend time with her, being close to her winning it over the pain of saying goodbye. An invitation to dinner is on the tip of his tongue but he doesn't get to pronounce it when her fingers tapping against the paper wake him from his thoughts seconds later and his gaze travels back to hers.

Keeping the idea of dinner to himself, he decides showing up with takeout is a guaranteed night with her whereas an invite to go somewhere is more likely to be shot down. He has the memory of his mother's invite days before as proof of that.

Staying silent, he merely grins at her in return and signals with a bob of his head to the door for them to leave. Moving ahead, he holds the door of the file room open and lets her out first. Allowing himself one last glance over her form, the dress long zipper running down her spine, he quickly follows her out of the room and he takes two big strides to catch up with her. The two of them silently strut through the office like they've done countless times before, this time he can't stop thinking about his plan.

She nods at him when they reach her office, despite the file room being on his side of the office. He's ever the gentlemen, in everything he does and she grins to herself when he turns around to leave her be.

She pretends to walk over to her desk but two seconds later already she struts back to the glass panelling to make sure he's out of sight. His behaviour this day is making her nervous, first their run in and the drinks, the advice he sought merely an hour later and his rather slow departure of her office afterwards and now he came to find her in the file room.

The last encounter not even having a had a purpose. Him mentioning her getting her own assistant sincere, she knows that. She also knows he didn't follow her just to tell her that, which leaves one other option. One she doesn't allow herself to think about but she can't stop her mind from going there either anymore.

When she's absolutely certain he's near his own office, she sprints back to her desk. Hand nervously flicking against her thigh she contemplates calling her friend. Something she hadn't mentally been able to do earlier this week, but the time difference isn't exactly allowing her to do so now.

Besides the two friends have an exact schedule, on thursdays the young lawyer calls the redhead during her lunch. Meaning she is left alone with her thoughts and mildly raging feelings for another two hours.

And thus the redhead dives into her tasks again. Not only busying but distracting herself from a certain co-worker with actual work. A reason she's never wanted to acknowledge but definitely played a role in making her the workaholic she is today. Managing files left and right, a meeting with Katrina, quick tea break with Gretchen and an impromptu pep talk for Brian later, she's in over her head when her phone rings.

"Do you have time?"

She smiles at the sweet voice of her friend coming through the phone. "Barely," the chief operating officer answers with a deep sigh, moving more files around, phone crammed between her ear and shoulder. "But for you always."

"Stress at work?"

"You know what the firm is like," Donna reminds her friend, her tone of voice already giving away it's nothing out of the ordinary. "Besides your father's pit bull butting heads left and right, it's just… I'm a bit on edge, I guess. That's all."

Rachel hums in understanding, swivelling around on her seat in the Starbucks she's called home during her lunch calls with Donna for the last couple of weeks. "You know what you need?"

The redhead holds back a sigh and bobs her head to the side, fully aware her friend can't see the warning look on her face. "Don't."

"Sex."

The three letter word pronounced with an amusing tone, one too much for the redhead's liking. The young lawyer never had the courage to be so bold to her before, but she can't blame her friend either. Knows she, and her husband, only means well.

"Rachel."

"It's true."

She rolls her eyes and shifts over her desk chair, crossing one leg over the other while she turns her chair to the side. She can't even deny Rachel's words anymore but she doesn't bite that easily. "I don't see anyone waiting in line."

"First," Rachel objects after taking a sip from her Frappuccino, the cup hitting the small table with a little more force than she intended and she uses a napkin to wipe away some spilt droplets from the straw. "That's ridiculous. Second, I know -"

"Rach," Donna objects before the lawyer can finish her sentence and the name she knows would follow and deep down wants to hear is pronounced. Hearing it would just make it harder to push it all away again, if need be.

Rachel bites down on her lip and presses her lips into a thin line, smiling at the waiter bringing her the mercato salad she ordered. She waits for the young man to leave before she speaks up again. She knows she has teased her friend enough so she switches to a more serious approach. "Do you remember the day you started working for Louis?"

Donna takes in a deep breath and swallows, her eyes flickering shut at the memories rushing back. The events that caused that change and how in a way they're still in the same place when it comes to them.

If it had been any other question she would have been her witty self and used a quippy remark. Reminded the brunette of who she was talking too but she can't, so she merely hums in response.

"You told me you lied when you said you can never go back and that day you told me it turned out you lied when you said you lied."

The redhead hums in acknowledgment once more.

"I know you don't want to push anything anymore and I get it but you know what stood out most to me when you told me that? How much you lie to yourself."

"Rach."

The objection comes in such a soft tone of voice it makes the brunette swallow and almost regret saying anything, but just like her husband had told the redhead before, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she didn't try and help her friend obtain the happiness she has in her life.

"I think you know the truth, whatever that may be for you but maybe it's time you tell him too." Rachel continues. "I know you tried before and I know the risk and I can't guarantee you that this will be the right time or how it will go from there but what I do know is that what kept Mike and I apart in the beginning was him lying to me about being a lawyer and when he stopped lying to me, well we -"

Rachel pauses, chuckling to herself at the old memory and she quickly glances around the establishment to make sure no one is within earshot. "I'm not saying you'll end up having sex against a filing cabinet but you might end up -"

"Having sex?"

Rachel laughs at the directness Donna's rebuttal comes with. "Well that too," she admits, realising it was her who joked about it first in the conversation she also knows that when the redhead does so it's a deflection method. "But I meant more, everything. Mike is right you know, you two could be as happy as we are."

Donna lets out a soft sigh, biting down on her lip to prevent herself from verbalising how she knows her friend is telling the truth. She also figures she doesn't have to do so anyway, the brunette has obviously learned some of her own tricks over the years and she wouldn't be telling her all this unless she knows she's right and that she'd agree. So instead of pronouncing her thanks, she focuses on something else, still part of the brunette's explanation to let her know the real meaning behind the conversation didn't go completely past her. "Really the file room?"

"That's what you took away from this conversation?" Rachel counters, seeing through her friends answer but in a way she's glad it did. It means her friend heard her and the playful tone it was brought with means it isn't directly pushed aside either.

"Amongst other things," Donna admits now, it's as close as she'll get to acknowledging the rest. At least for now, while things are still the same.

"It's that I'm not there, but I'm sure by now I would have had to stop Mike from locking the two of you in there."

Donna laughs once, louder than she expected and she shakes her head and looks down at her desk because of her own involuntarily reaction. The movement making a few strands of her hair slip off of her shoulder and cover the blush creeping up on her cheeks. The image her friend's words sketch in her mind bringing that edge back again.

Harvey can hear her laugh when he steps out of Robert's office, his head automatically turning to the right to look in her direction. He watches the way she shakes her head and looks down, and if he didn't know better he'd think she's blushing.

The sight in his passing by something he witnesses for nothing more than two seconds but it does more to him that he imagined and if he didn't know about her weekly calls to Rachel he'd have felt a hint of jealousy over that reaction. It's knowing she's talking to Rachel that also stops him from marching into her office and demanding her attention, trying to cause an equal reaction out of her.

Instead he smiles at the happiness she radiates out now, takes one last glance at the redhead and continues his path down to his office. Upholding the promise he made her of not interrupting her Thursday 3pm half hour meetings, as they're officially scheduled in in both her and his own calendars.

"From what I just learned that room is off limits now."

"Now," Rachel emphasises, her tone questioning that part of the statement since the fact that Mike and her happened at the office wasn't exactly news to the redhead, before she continues with her remark. "So you did think about it?"

" _You know you thought about it."_

" _I think about a lot of things."_

Rachel's choice of words brings back memories of their time at the district attorney's office, that particular conversation held just days before the other time. And now she was having the same kind of conversation on the possible brink of the next time, just with another person.

"I work fifteen hour days and I've spent almost a third of my life in this building, my mind may have wandered. Once or twice."

Rachel smirks, she knows a lot of ins and outs of the redhead's love life. Just like the other way around. The answer is, however, as ambiguously phrased as possible. In true Donna style, but Rachel wouldn't Rachel if she didn't see through it and fill in the gaps. Something she for years silently did, keeping the conclusions to herself this time she tries her luck once more and pronounces her thoughts. "To Harvey?"

Her mind does in that exact moment, her eyes pressed shut and the images her mind provides a mixture of the other time and how he followed her into the specific room earlier that day; remains of whipped cream on the copier and an accidentally created piece of physical evidence of the encounter in the paper tray.

She breathes in deeply, shifts over her desk chair and crosses her right leg over her left.

"I didn't hear a no."

Donna pushes the colourful thoughts away with a shake of her head. She didn't deny it indeed but that wasn't because the trick of her mind in that moment; it would have been the same answer anyway. It hadn't been a lot of times and for years it had been none at all, but waking up from that dream after the wedding had changed things in that perspective.

She spins her chair around to face the window now, the conversation making her a little uncomfortable she draws her thumb under her index finger, nails fidgeting as she takes everything in and thinks over a witty response now, to regain control over the exchange. "Maybe I don't miss you as much as I thought I did."

"I miss you too," Rachel answers sincerely, smiling to herself as she finishes up her meal.

.

.

.

Donna moves through the bullpen later that night. Thoughtlessly cleaning and rearranging files left and right on the empty desks, much like she'd done in the first couple of months after Mike had joined the firm. Like a good fairy mother she kept his clean and organised. Placed the files in order of importance for the following day. The pup had never asked her how or why this happened but she had heard him mention this mysterious occurrence to Harvey once.

Though from her desk she had never seen his reaction that came along with the words, something along the lines of how he should do that himself anyway. Being the extension he was of Harvey, Mike's desk had to look just as pristine as Harvey's office was, the suit and tie thing but different. She knows he'd known it was her.

It's a silly thing to remember now, a couple of years later as she walks through these cubicles. Her hand eventually resting on the partition of the desk that once belonged to the puppy. She misses him, a lot. Rachel too but she's happy for them as well. Knows they're living their dreams from the near daily phone calls she has with either. Not only keeping up with her friends but also filling the void of the two name partners who sometimes just forget.

Letting her fingers trace along the edge of desk, she rounds the cubicle and pulls the chair back. Sitting down in one of the chairs she's never sat in before but she needs a moment of silence for herself, a space to deal with her thoughts. Her emotions and the words, advice of her friend. Hence why she ended up here.

.

"You can pull over here, Ray."

The request comes with a bob of his head to the side, he doesn't need to explain his driver why. They've stopped on this particular corner more than once and always for the same purpose, tonight no different.

He shifts over the back seat of the black Lexus, hand moving to the door to open he stills just before doing so. "Do you want anything?"

Ray glances at his employer through the rear view mirror but he shakes his head. "My wife's making Biryani and she promised to save me some for later. So I better not sir."

Harvey presses his lips in a thin line and grins in understanding. "I'll be right back," he announces before opening the door and stepping out. He makes his way into the Shitty Thai place and even though they've never eaten in the establishment in person, Donna may have never even set foot in it all, the chef does know him by name.

"Mr. Specter," the old man greets the lawyer that once helped him keep the place. One of the only pro Bono's he's willingly taken back in the day. "Beef Pad Thai?"

"Yes," the lawyer answers with a nod. "And -"

"The usual for miss Paulsen?" The owner of the restaurant adds before Harvey can finish his sentence.

He grins to himself as he indeed hears his thoughts pronounced for him. "Have I ever left this place without it?"

The old man laughs now, shaking his head in return. "No, you have not, sir," he admits. "It'll be ready in a few minutes."

"Thanks," he answers, swivelling around on his spot he paces through the empty waiting area. Hands in the pocket of his pants, he thinks about his plan from earlier that day.

Tonight he'll find out if she lied.

Dinner was step one. That the easy start, ordering from her favourite take out restaurant. Already having picked up a bottle of merlot on the way over.

Asking if she did in fact lie, a whole other thing. The idea so simple, execution quite the opposite and he almost wishes this was a case. Donna the witness on the stand, him asking the questions like he does for a living but he doesn't ever want to put her through an experience like that again however easier it would be for him.

So he finds himself practicing. One simple question, almost pronounced today already but in his mind he repeats it over and over again. _Did you lie? Did you lie? Did you lie?_

Completely focused on the three word question, he absentmindedly takes the bag of food from the chefs hand, handing over cash and leaving a generous tip in return.

 _Did you lie?_

 _Did you lie?_

"Did you - Did you lie?"

"Lie about what, sir?" Ray asks, glancing at the lawyer through the rear-view mirror once more as he takes off for the firm again.

The driver's question causes his brows to knit together as he snaps out of his thoughts but he still needs to shake his head to clear his head and he silently curses himself for letting this slip. "Ooh," he mutters, adding a shrug along with it to play it down but his added rambles only ending up having the opposite effect. "I … I didn't -"

"Miss Paulsen?" Ray asks then, filling in the answer he knows he wouldn't have gotten from the lawyer but he's known him and there for them long enough to notice when something is off or when to put two and two together.

Ray catches a glimpse of Harvey's reaction from the corner of his eye as he makes another turn with the car but the way the man's face fell tells him enough. The subject of his question had indeed been the redhead.

"I don't think I've ever heard Miss Paulsen lie," Ray continues when a verbal response on his previous question lacks and the driver only adds it to ease some of the lawyer's worries. Or so he hopes.

This time around he attentively watches his employer's face through the rear view mirror as they wait for the traffic light to turn green. He sees the man swallow thickly and his eyes close and if the driver has to be honest he's only seen the man this lost a handful of times.

He realises then he must have said the wrong thing to the question that wasn't even meant for him in the first place. But his intent had been to reassure his boss and his second attempt is the same, while he builds on the answer he'd given before but the choice of words this time around differently but what he is pretty sure is the truth. "Unless it would be to protect someone," Ray adds this time, switching gears as he takes off again. "Then she would."

"She would?" It's a repetitive and rhetorical question, one he's known the answer to for as long as he knows her and yet he asks. Seeking reassurance and a need to fuel that glimpse of hope he needs to make it through his plan.

"I mean," Ray hesitates for a moment, realising it's a rather uncommon topic for him to be discussing so freely with his boss. Especially since the lawyer in question should know the answers above anyone else. "I don't know Miss Paulsen as well as you do, Mister Specter but yes. I believe she would."

Harvey hums along in agreement, gaze still down on the bag of food in his hand. His lips curl up ever so slightly cause of course she would, she's done so for years to protect Mike. To protect him. He knows that, but either situation slightly different from the one they find themselves in now, he hopes the same principles apply though.

He thinks it might.

Ray thinks so.

His mom said so.

"You could always ask someone else," Ray suggests when an answers lacks this time around too. The words still sounding strange to him too, but anything to help the troubled man. "I mean ask if they think Miss Paulsen would. Miss Zane and Mister Ross might know if you really need to know."

Harvey presses his lips in a thin line, thinking over his driver's suggestion and he nods then. "Thanks Ray," he replies without acting on the suggestion just yet. He turns to look out of the window, noticing they're only two blocks away from the firm now and as soon as the thought crosses his mind he acts on it.

"Why don't you pull over here," he instructs. "I'll walk the rest. Take the night off and enjoy dinner with your wife."

Rays smiles and nods, silently pulling the black Lexus up at the side. He wishes Harvey a good evening and waits for the lawyer to turn around the corner before he drives off as told.

Bag of food in hand he crosses the street, left hand impatiently tapping against his leg as the prospect of asking her gets closer and closer. Ray's advice something he ignored for the last block but now with the familiar building inside it's back on his mind and he blindly reaches for his phone from the pocket of his pants.

Having pressed number two on his speed dial, he brings the phone to his ear and continues his way across the square to the entrance.

When the phone goes over for the third time without an answer he's found himself grown more nervous than he imagined, especially over something he hadn't given a minutes thought in doing so.

But now that he is calling he wants to know, the pup's phone rings another time before he hears it go to the familiar voice mail intro. Harvey sighs once, contemplates hanging up altogether but somehow he finds himself speaking. Needing to get it off his chest.

"Hey, Mike. It's me," he starts, making his way through the revolving door of the building. "You're not there so uhm- Yeah. I guess it's -"

He hears himself stammering, once more wondering about the purpose of leaving a message in this situation.

"The thing is," he continues anyway, holding onto the paper bag a little tighter and where he normally and even just hours before would have looked around and made sure no one was around to see or hear him, he can't help the words from coming now regardless.

"Do you think she lied?" He asks, just like Ray suggested him to do, he suppresses a chuckle when he realises he never told the kid what she told him the day after the event. What he's actually asking about. "Donna I mean. About the kiss. Or could it be -"

The rest of his sentence never leaving the tip of his tongue when the elevator doors slide open in front of him and the managing partner and Samantha come into view. He ends the call without finishing his monologue, stepping aside to let the two lawyers of the elevator. Harvey nods once at the older man as greeting when they switch places.

"Working late?" Robert asks turning to look over his shoulder, he signals the paper bag with a bob of his head when the lawyer questionly looks at him in return.

 _Something like that._

"Yes," Harvey answers, pretending that to be the case to avoid any more questions or knowing grins. "Merger negotiations."

"Hmm," Robert huffs as he tries to wrack his brain around the client Harvey must be referring too but he realises then the other man wasn't talking about work at all. "Well, Good luck then."

"Need help?" Samantha asks politely, still trying to find a way to show the other lawyer she was serious about being on the team.

Harvey takes a deep breath as he can already see his plan for the night crumble to pieces. "No," he replies with a shake of his head. "I need to do this alone."

The blonde lawyer nods but tilts her head to the side when she can't fully place his facial expression. "You sure, I wouldn't mind."

"Samantha," Robert warns his trustee, holding her back with a hand on her arm. "You heard the man. He needs to do this himself," he reasons, nodding at Harvey. He shares one knowing look just before the doors close again.

Harvey stares at his blurry reflection in the elevator doors, shakes his head at the encounter just now and he can't help but wonder if it's that obvious. If everyone really always knew about them long before there was something to know. And if they did, how did he not know? How did she not know?

" _You know I love you, Donna."_

" _Love me how?"_

" _You're saying you want everything?"_

" _I don't know, Harvey."_

" _What do you mean more?"_

" _I don't know, but I guess I'm going to have to figure that out."_

" _I just had to know."_

He thinks about them, what they are or more specifically what they aren't. The moments shared between the two of them, how they acted, how she acted and what they said, in specific the things she said to him. All could be in line with what she told him later.

" _I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey."_

Could be, he tells himself. He may not have the best track record when it comes to relationships and he's hopelessly bad at expressing himself but if he has to be honest, it just doesn't add up anymore. What he so easily believed to be the truth for weeks, for years even, doesn't make sense when putting it in perspective of everything they've been through.

It doesn't add up with the way she acts, the way she smiles or looks at him. So he thinks about her, those long seconds the elevator takes it to make it up to the fiftieth floor.

He thinks about the night before, her proximity and the way he felt his breath hitch when she moved out of his reach anything but forgotten, it are her actions from this afternoon; that simple touch and her smile that made him come up with his plan. That make him wander back into the firm this night, determined to find out the truth because ultimately the idea of not spending time with her definitely being worse than the memory of imagined rejection.

Walking his usual route down the fiftieth floor he nods at his former secretary when he passes Louis office and he has to hold back a grin when she calls after him, commenting on how the bag of food in his hand looks a bit too big for one. He turns to look over his shoulder, wants to counter with something witty and deny anything and everything that statement was insinuating but the look he finds on her face tells him there's no point in doing so.

The secretary smiles to herself, she finishes up packing her bag and reaches for her coat from the back of her chair. "No point in letting that go to waste," Gretchen muses, signalling the paper bag from the Thai with her hand. "Red must be around somewhere here."

Her comment this time even more spot on than the one that made him turn around in the first place, and this time he shakes his head. Knows there's practically no one left in the workplace at this hour but he still can't let her get away with it. "Alright. Goodnight Gretchen."

"Good night, mister Specter."

.

"Donna?"

Her eyes close and she holds back a sigh when that moment gets interrupted mere minutes later, she exhales slowly and produces a small smile before she turns to face her friend.

"What is it, Louis?"

The name partner moves from the door opening through the bullpen towards the redhead, stopping right in front of the cubicle, he lets his hands rest on top of the partition. "I wanted to talk to you about Katrina."

"Her promotion?" Donna guesses, shifting the chair a little, she crosses her hands in her lap.

Louis nods, hands tapping against the small glass plate. A trait that gives away he has found himself in a situation he doesn't know how to deal with. "I know we said she's ready -"

"But she doesn't agree," Donna finishes for him, reading the answer to her assumption on his face already.

"Yes," the lawyer admits. "She doesn't think it's time," Louis starts, using the same words Katrina said to him, explaining to Donna how she said it would be a part of a power play and that she doesn't want to be a part of that. That she wants the position because she deserves it and she knows she does.

"I get it," the redhead whispers softly, while she had been on board with the plan or more like she hadn't been against it. Feeling the need to side with the two name partners on this, it doesn't mean the words don't ring a bell with her. Hitting closer to home than she might realise and for a second she feels like she's on the stand again facing Andy Malik.

She glances up at Louis, takes in the look on his face and even though she sees a hint of understanding the main expression is confusion. "Like she said," Donna starts, "not only is this something she worked so hard for to get it, and she deserves it but when that is challenged or question because of circumstances -"

.

On his way to his office, Harvey tries to ignore the teasing tone Gretchen's statements were delivered with and he looks down at the bag in his hand that indeed contains too much food for one. And on top of that is also very much from the shitty Thai place the redhead loves.

Passing Zane's empty office, nerves start to kick back in. He unrolls the top of the bag, peeking inside just to make sure they got the orders right. Noticing they forgot to add in some paper napkins, he quickly makes his way into the associates' kitchen.

Barely inside the room, he comes to a quick halt upon hearing her familiar voice. The first thing he does is look over his shoulder but when his view lacks the sight of his favourite redhead he takes another couple of tentative steps into the kitchen, nearing the cabinets he was going to anyway. His new position also giving him the opportunity to peek through the glass door leading to the bullpen, and the mere sight of her, even when talking to Louis, makes his stomach flutter.

He doesn't know why he does it, stepping out of sight and sticking around and he doesn't mean to pry. It's just that when he overhears their conversation, he can't move.

"It's just natural for a decision like that to come with hesitation, you know?"

Her voice turns softer and she swallows once, deciding to continue her explanation annexe inner monologue to her friend. The words she says very much meant to be just about the junior partner's situation but in it, she finds a way to hide her own.

"If it's something you want, something you always thought would be this amazing thing, something worth fighting for and then when it's in reach. When it's close or even when it's happening. You- You start to wonder. Does it really live up to what I thought it would be? Is it enough? What if it won't be like I thought it would be? What if that's that? What is that means the end? Would you blindly give in and go through with it or would you stay where you are, with the possibility of that dream being everything you want?"

Feeling his heart thumb in his chest, his breathing becoming heavier as all of his previous doubt and fear rushed back. Harvey suddenly curses having stayed here and listened in on something he wasn't supposed to hear and the only thing he can settle on is that he didn't want to hear it.

Hands gripping onto the paper bag, he doesn't reach for the napkins anymore. He doesn't close the cabinet either and he doesn't even bother making it out of there unseen or unheard.

Just needs to get away.

Louis slowly bobs his head up and down, missing the door fall shut a couple of feet away he takes in the redhead's words. Her explanation for their friend's hesitation regarding her promotion enough to make him understand where Katrina might be coming from. He lets his hands move over the blue coloured partition, softly tapping on it as he shuffles on his spot. "What can we do?"

.

The paper bag feels heavy in Harvey's hand by the time he nears her office. The space empty, a gloomy light hitting the room and it's the exact opposite of what he imagined the night to be. Just spending time with her always been the excuse, now with his underlying plan of asking her it's just too much. Her words too much of a reminder of what he deep down already knew and his subconscious had been reminding him of.

She had wanted to know.

Her kiss had been her way of doing so.

 _What if that's that. What if it isn't what you imagined it to be._

"I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey."

The words a new mantra, Harvey repeats over and over to will the spark of hope his mother and the redhead's own behaviour had given him out of the way. It only settling in when the bag slips from his hand and lands on her desk with a loud thud. Hand clenching into a fist, he leaves her office and retreats to his corner of the firm.

.

"Be honest," Donna answers Louis' question now. "Tell her truth, why she should get her promotion and why now. Tell her the circumstances and give her time to figure it out."

Louis nods.

"And we trust her to make the right decision. Because even if it isn't exactly as she imagined or happening under the best circumstances it's still what she wants. What she dreams of," Donna continues her explanation. "She'll realise that. She will. We just have to give her time and trust her. Trust her to come to that conclusion."

.

Forcefully pushing the door to his office open, Harvey ignores the noise it makes when it swings back and he makes a beeline for the bottle of scotch in his office. Pouring himself a glass, he can't even find the energy to bring the alcoholic beverage to his lips. It not just being that anymore, his favourite at that but it was them. A tradition that started way back in the District Attorney's office and has been there through every good and bad moment and was now a near-daily connection they shared.

Leaving the crystal tumbler on its spot he walks towards the record player. The silence in his office too deafening, leaving him with too much to think about. He picks up his father's last album and places the record on the player. Only being able to exhale when the soft tunes of a saxophone fill the space around him and he returns to his desk, drowning himself into work.

.

Nodding once more, Louis lets the advice the redhead gave him sink in. "Thank you, Donna," he speaks now. "You're right. I'll give her the time she needs."

Donna presses her lips into a thin smile and nods once, her own words a reassurance she had needed. "No problem, Louis."

"Thanks again," he mutters, finally lifting his hand from the partition and he moves to the door, turning around once there to face her again. "Hey. I noticed you keep working these long hours every day, you do know that as COO you don't have to stay around till he leaves anymore, right?"

She chuckles once and nods. "I know," she reasons but she doesn't comment on why she makes these long days. "Have a good night with Sheila, Louis."

He smiles again. "See you tomorrow."

She waits for the lawyer to leave the room, glancing down at the desk in front of her, she thinks over Louis' last advice but he doesn't know why she works late.

The ritual of drinks late at night better than what's waiting for her at home.

And for the briefest of moments, she allows herself to wonder if that's always been the case, not just for her but for both of them. She never needed to stay the odd hours he maintained and yet she did, but for the first time she wonders about why he even had those long workdays. If maybe, just maybe, his reasons for working late were the same as hers.

Feeling her stomach rumble she wakes from her thoughts, any other person would follow the advice she'd just gotten and go home. For her, it's a reason to stay, to order in and maybe spend another couple of hours with him. His behaviour from earlier that day very much the catalyst for these thoughts and her own words a reminder of what she should do. What he's unknowingly given her.

She rolls the desk chair back and gets up, turning the stack of files one more inch to place them just so before she struts out of the bullpen and towards her own office.

Any thoughts about going back to work being put aside when she spots the paper bag from the Thai place she loves on her desk. Smiling to herself she thinks about him, the only person who could have done this but he isn't in her office along with the food like she would have expected him to be.

She then wonders if the bag on her desk even contains food for two. It's a weird thought as they've never not shared it before when eaten at the firm but his absence causes the thought to cross her mind nonetheless and she quietly steps towards her desk. Opening the paper bag to look inside, a relieved sigh escaping her when it shows not just her but his favourite dish inside.

Closing the back again, she looks down. Hiding a blush that crept across her face even if there's no one around to see it and she smiles to herself. Of course, he ordered for both of them, a bottle of her favourite wine to boot. So she gets two glasses and places them on her coffee table ready for use. Her next step is retrieving the reason for her late nights at the office, the reason she's been feeling more on edge today and the reason behind her answer to Louis.

Harvey senses her presence in a beat, knows she's standing there in his door opening just watching him work. Her gaze as firm on him as his is on his laptop, trying his best to ignore her. His plan from earlier that day so abruptly turned upside down and losing all its meaning by just a string of words.

Words she isn't aware that he heard them, that they hurt him even though they just confirmed what he had known deep down all along. The memory of her words and the annoyance he felt because of them, brought back the second she stepped inside his office but he can't ignore her completely. Not really, never has been able to do so and with his feelings bubbling to the surface again he can't do so now. Keeping his head low and his voice barely above a whisper, he acknowledges her presence at last.

"I know you're there."

She smiles softly when she hears his voice mumble those five familiar words and she drops her arms down her side, hands moving over her skirt. She watches him sitting there, suit jacket discarded over the chair in front of his desk and she waits for him to look up but when he doesn't she softly calls out his name. "Harvey."

He hears the hint of uncertainty in her voice and as much as his fear of rejection and his annoyance over that self-made spark of hope are still on his mind, he can feel all that fade away by her mere presence. Her soft voice soothing his uneasiness and he wants to do the same for her, now looking up at the redhead in his door opening. His last bit of annoyance disappearing at the mere sight of her.

She smiles quietly when his gaze meets hers and she feels her stomach flutter, automatically taking a step forward she stalls right after. Fingers impatiently tapping against her own thigh, she gives him a somewhat questioning look.

"I know I usually steal a bite from your Beef Pad Thai but I can't eat all that by myself."

Her words the truth but a hidden question lies beneath it, whether he will join her or not. She watches his face lit up ever so slightly and the signature smirk she has grown to love form on his lips, she doesn't wait around for him to answer.

Instead, she turns on her spot expecting him to follow but she stalls just as quickly as she turned around when she doesn't hear his chair roll back. She looks over her shoulder first, spotting him still sitting there. Gaze directed on his work again and she swallows once, contemplates asking again or not but she swivels on her four-inch heels once more and takes the three steps towards his desk.

"You coming?"

The question comes with an extended hand and he looks up at her in a beat. Gaze shifting from her eyes to her hand and back up, his head tilting to the side as if to mock her gesture but in reality, it's him hiding his own desires. Moving in and extending his hand to her, as much as he might want it, something he can't allow himself to do right now. Afraid he'll never get over the loss of her touch, that would only be just that, otherwise. So with an equally curious look on his face, he keeps his gaze on her while rolling his chair back, getting out of it and rounding the table without reaching for her hand.

She slowly pulls her arm back, hand balling into a fist she tries her best not to show it. Hiding how his reaction affected her, she shuffles on her spot and only gets into motion again when he's next to her. Her shoulder accidentally bumping into his as she does so, the moment resulting in a shared look, hidden smiles and neither of them speaks.

Her inability to ask or read into things, as she's trying to do on Mike's advice, does result in more bold moves on her part. Body acting before mind and this time she finds herself hooking her arm around his, squeezing softly and holding him close.

"Not letting you get out of this."

The words are added in a teasing voice but if he were able to do what she doesn't allow herself to do anymore he'd know it meant so much more.

The short distance between his office and hers is crossed by each other's side, bodies nearly pressed together in the same way as at the beginning of their friends' wedding. They walk in sync, always have and always will, and while this time it's not an aisle and there's no ceremony they're walking towards too, the looks they share while half missed are very much the same.

Nearing her office their pace slows down, subconsciously prolonging their excuse to be together. To touch, something that's seemingly part of the new normal but tests it all the same.

He uses his left hand to open the door to her office for her, holding back to let her go inside first and her arm slowly slips from his, her hand trailing down his wrist until his hand lingers on her own. Both missing the other's touch as soon as they part but neither is willing to say it.

Instead, he clenches his hand and takes a deep breath. Watches her move to her desk and reach for the paper bag he left behind earlier that night and the sight of her stepping ahead much like the day before distracting him for a good moment. Only when he hears the paper bag crumble under her grasp does he snap from his thoughts.

Letting out a deep but barely audible breath, he tears his gaze away from her small frame and maroon dress that has captured his attention on more than one occasion that day and makes his way over to her couch and drops down on what has become his spot.

Bag in hand, she quickly pauses near the cabinet on her wall, reaches for a silver fork she had stacked there for occasions like this before she joins him at the other end of her office. A chuckle escaping her when she sees him sitting there, on his side but near the middle of the couch. Feet unceremoniously propped up on her coffee table and his head tilted back against her couch.

"Sure, make yourself at home."

He pries one eye open and sees her signal his feet on her table. He studies her for a moment, grinning then, he pulls his feet back and places them down on the floor. The movement itself not reluctant but he can't say he didn't place them up to get a comment out of her in the first place.

"You do know you always did this in my office."

She hums and smirks, takes the two steps towards her couch and sits down next to him. "But that's because I owned the place," she counters with a look.

He chuckles and shakes his head, decides not to comment on her words but he reaches for the fork she's holding up in front of him as she places the paper bag on the coffee table and opens it up. "Give me that," he orders now, using his elbow to tap against her arm, bobbing his head in the direction of the merlot.

She slides the bottle of wine over the table in his direction, moving the two empty glasses along next as she moves onto the bag of food. Reaching inside now for the two boxes of food, she lifts both out of the bag. Opening the first she sees it's his Beef Pad Thai and places the paper box in front of him next to the silver fork.

"Might be slightly cold now," he comments, referring to the food he ordered before.

She leans forward and removes her own box from the paper bag, letting the back of her hand rest against the material for a moment. "Should be alright," she reasons before she leans back onto the couch. "Besides you already thought it was a shitty place so won't matter much."

"You're never going to let that slide, are you?" He turns to look at the redhead next to him, watching her move her chopsticks around and take a bite. He watches the way her eyes close and she hums in appreciation.

"I'll take that as a no," he mumbles softly before he lifts his own box and the fork, focusing on his dinner.

"Please." She breaks the silence after a few seconds, using her chopsticks to tap on the edge of his box. "As if you don't remind me about that record I scratched every chance you get."

He quickly takes the fork full of noodles into his mouth, chews twice and swallows thickly. Hand already lifted in the air as protest while his gaze turns towards her. "It was my Miles Davis."

She swifts slightly on the couch, knees turning in his direction almost touching his thigh as she does so. "One accident," she emphasises the word, pointing her chopsticks towards him. "In over a decade of taking care of your collection."

He bites down on the inside of his cheek, remembers the moment she's referring to. How she had been standing in his office, record in hand and he had all too silently entered the room and then all too loudly pronounced her name. Surprising her so much the record had slipped from her hand and thus gotten scratched.

Her words also remind him of a more recent moment, the demands from an outside party after that and the words she had uttered then. _One mistake, in thirteen years._ He swallows now, remembering how she phrased it and it may have been that given the circumstances but he wouldn't describe it like that. Especially not because in hindsight he unknowingly caused that to happen too.

"It was my fault, really," he answers then, his admission soft, the rest of his sentence almost inaudible but he isn't talking about the record anymore. "I never should have scared you."

She feels her chest tighten and while she was talking about his record and she doesn't want to assume anything else. She did hear his answer, barely above a whisper but she heard it and her gaze locks with his soon after. Her own words reminded her too of one of their recent outfalls, the Paula debacle and she isn't entirely certain if she phrased her sentence on purpose but completely coincidental isn't the truth either.

She remembers telling him the kiss was a mistake. One mistake in thirteen years. Another lie. Because it wasn't a mistake. Not really, the circumstances anything but ideal but she doesn't regret it one bit. She told him she didn't know if she'd change things if she were able to go back. She now knows that she wouldn't. Not this at least, she'd kiss him again. She'd kiss him right now if she could.

She realises then that her thoughts made her gaze drop to his lips, it's the umpteenth time that day and she can't even say that she hopes he didn't notice. So she smiles and looks back at his eyes. For a moment she thinks they're darker now than before but she figures it could be her imagination. Her desires projected onto him.

Moving the chopstick around in the cardboard box for her own distraction, she looks away and finds herself softly chuckling before looking at him again. "I missed this."

Her admission catches his attention but at the same time her words confuse him a little as they've spent more time together recently than in months maybe even years before.

She notices the way his brows knit together, can already read the question in his eyes. "Us," she adds now, signalling between them with a small wave of her hand. "This," she continues. "Just having dinner together. I missed that."

"We did just -"

"A week ago," she fills in his sentence for him, her gaze firmly directed on the food in her hand as she can't look him in the eye at the moment. "Not that I'm keeping track, but."

The corner of his lip twitches up ever so slightly at the way she tries to cover up her slip up but he knows it too and if she hadn't interrupted him he would have said the exact same time period. He glances at her from the corner of his eye and watches her for the briefest of moments before he speaks again.

"It could have been less you know."

She exhales once at his words, knows the exact moment he's referring too and she feels her stomach twist as she still isn't sure if she made the right decision that day. "I know," she agrees then, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, "but I-"

"I get it."

She peaks up at him from under her lashes, wants to ask him if he does but she isn't even sure if she gets what she was trying to say. She studies his expression now, hoping to find any hint of the underlying meaning in his eyes but he's looking ahead and she can only focus on the dimple in his cheek, the remnants of a smile and the way he swallows thickly.

He breaks the silence a minute later, telling her something he's known to be the truth from the second he realised it happened, deep down maybe even before that but he hadn't told her yet. "I'm glad you met my mom."

Donna smiles softly, glad she did too. Always having heard stories of the woman gave her an idea but meeting her was so much more. Being able to see the features and characteristics he's gotten from his mother in person, some things she always imagined after having met his father.

"She seems very nice."

He turns to look at her, it aren't words he's use to describe his mother or maybe he would but his default is still something else. Letting the words simmer for a moment, he bobs his head up and down in agreement. A soft yeah leaving his lips at last.

His mind drifts off to the day they're talking about, his run in with his mother in the firm and the way they walked by this very office. The unnecessary introductions that followed and he snickers again, his elbow automatically tapping hers as he speaks.

"You could have told me you met her already though."

She grins, tilts her head to the side and gives him a look. "When did I have the chance to do that," she objects but she's aware there were a number of ways to have done so. Through text the obvious one and used to warn him about many guests in his office before, the fact that this is one of the only times she didn't giving away that she didn't know how to do just that.

Her tone of voice doesn't give anything away but he does notice the way she shifts over the couch as she speaks. How her gaze redirects to her hands just as quickly as it turned to him.

"Well," he muses, picking his next words just so to uplift her spirit again. "Maybe before I made a fool out of myself."

"Harvey," she pronounces his name in that teasing tone she only uses with him. "I bet your mother, just like I, has seen you made a fool out of yourself plenty of times before."

He gives her an unimpressed look but he can't help but grin at her argument too.

She bites down on her bottom lip, trying to stop herself from smiling but a smile tugs on the corner of her lips nonetheless.

"You didn't though."

He turns to look at her, brows knitting together in a frown as he studies her expression. The way she looks down at the glass of red wine in her hands, how the alcohol swivels around in it.

"Make a fool out of yourself," she continues after a deep breath, she brings the glass to her lips and takes a sip. Letting the alcohol burn she turns to glance at him again. "It was sweet," she adds. "Thank you."

"For what?"

Donna tilts her head a bit to the side, making the smallest of shakes with her head in the process and oddly she can't help but smile because he doesn't know. "For wanting me to meet your mom."

He slowly bobs his head up and down taking in her words, smiling along with the movement and he swallows thickly when the silence and the increasing tension between them becomes too much. He shifts over the couch, elbows leaning on his knees as he refills his own glass with wine.

"Well," he says with a soft chuckle, the tease that follows just made to break the seriousness of the moment. Something he wasn't sure how to handle before but with his emotions all over the place, her behaviour he can't decipher and then the words he overheard, he does so to gain control again. "I met both your parents, so."

"Are we keeping score?" She asks, one eyebrow raised as her gaze locks with his again and she shifts forward now too. Copying his movements, she places her almost empty glass on the table next to his own, a silent gesture for him to give her a refill too.

Taking her glass in his hand, bottle in the other he draws his bottom lip between his teeth and he automatically shakes his head to answer her question that wasn't really a question. "If we are," he continues nevertheless, placing the bottle down again and he hands her the glass back. His fingertips meeting hers when she takes it over and for a second his gaze drops to where their touch had just been.

He clears his throat and redirects his gaze, getting his own glass next he moves to sit back against the couch once more and he only speaks again when he looks at her again. "You're ahead," he reminds her. "And then I still haven't met that aunt of yours you kept telling me –"

She laughs and slaps his arm with a flick of her wrist. "No," she counters, shaking her head and she kicks off her four inch heels to pull up her legs as she returns to her previous position on the couch. This time however her knee almost resting on his thigh when she leans forward, her index finger poking his arm to emphasize her point. "That's just because you dragged me to Marcus' wedding and God no. She's. No –"

He watches her shake her head, the slight look of terror spread across her face. No doubt her mind is running a million miles an hour, recalling the stories she told him about her aunt that thought her how to act and then some he doesn't know but all he can do is look at her in awe. Completely mesmerized by her and while he'd made the comment to take a detour from the heaviness of their conversation he can't help but direct it back to that. Needs her to know.

"It just seemed natural, you know," he tells her in that low voice he only has for her. "You're family too, so."

He has called her his family on more than one occasion and it's almost a given when it comes to them, past, present and future in one but her stomach flutters all the same hearing it again now and she smiles sweetly at his words. She has to redirect her gaze though, can't look at him when she pronounces her next words.

"Tell your mom I loved meeting her, okay."

He breathes out a soft laugh, lips settling in that signature Specter grin. "She told me to tell you the same."

She nods slowly, smiling at his answer when she can't find the words to respond herself. She takes a deep breath, glances at half full box of food on her coffee table but her appetite has disappeared completely. Leaving the cold noodles be, she moves the glass of wine she had in her hand around, fingers of her left-hand circling the stem of the glass, a nervous habit only he can get her to give into.

He watches the redhead shift over her couch, the soft smile on his lips and the way she looks down. Her hair sliding for her eyes, he wants nothing more than to brush it aside, make her look at him again but he can't. Just like the question that had been on his mind for days is the only thing he wants to ask but having gotten his answer already he just can't.

It's then that she looks back up at him, her eyes locking with his and a currents runs down his frame. Strong enough to make him swallow, to make his gaze drop to her lips and his brain short circuit for a second. Almost long enough to make him forget about everything he knows to be the truth and throw caution in the wind but the strong pounding of his heart in his chest makes him aware of her presence again.

He catches himself peeking at her lips one more time, feeling him wet his own lips in that exact moment and it's getting all too much. Too dangerous. He takes a deep breath, glances at her from the corner of his eye one last time before he shifts over the couch once more. It taking every fibre of his being to utter out the next three words and the movement that follows, but staying and knowing that everything he wants, is everything he will never have, is too hard to bear.

"I should go."

She watches him slowly stand, her gaze travelling over his form. She notices the way his Adam's apple bobs thickly, how heavy the two steps are that he takes from the couch to the spot just in front of her door and it reminds her all too much of a moment they shared before. One that set everything into motion and was the first catalyst to shake what they'd found to be their foundation.

It's when she catches him peek over his shoulder at her one more time that she speaks and it isn't deliberate but she uses the exact same words she did back then too.

"Why?"

She watches him stall on his spot, posture tensing she notices his shoulders raise and then fall in the same second. The way he inhales slow, tired and the look in his eyes along with the way his head tilts to the left brings her back to that one night once more.

" _You know why."_

He sees her big hazel eyes search for his own and he lets her find them; the look they share silent, so telling and yet unexplained all at once. There isn't the slightest shake of her head this time around but he remembers it all the same. The situation they've been in before, the way he left then, did just now and he'll never be able to forget the words he spoke for the first time of his life that time.

" _You know I love you, Donna."_

They still apply today, have probably done so every day for the last thirteen years he has known her and they'll continue to be the truth for the rest of his life. He doesn't pronounce the six heavy words this time around though.

Still very much aware of the pain they went through the last time he did, he also knows that whether he says them or not it will be just him going through to the emotional aftermath this time around.

" _What if it won't be like I thought it would be?"_

He swallows thickly, remembering her words from mere hours ago and just like when he heard them he thinks about their fall out in the lobby of the firm weeks before.

" _Whatever I thought might be there… wasn't."_

" _I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey."_

He blinks back the tears starting to well in his eyes. Ones he would be willing to show her, but he doesn't want to burden her any more than he know his words will already do. So instead, he looks down and tries to compose himself with a smile that's more for her than for him.

"Because," he says, the sigh that falls off his lips soft and tired. Tired of holding it all back in, and even when he already knows the outcome won't be in his favour he can't keep it in anymore. Needs to be able to tell himself he tried, that he did what he set out to do and that he once and for all can let go of the slightest glimmer of hope. That one percent chance he might have it all wrong.

So, using different words he tells her what he told her that night in her apartment, answers the three letter question that followed the next day in his office and dismisses the objection she threw in his direction that night in the lobby when he told her the kiss did affect him.

"Because you didn't feel anything."

Harvey reminds her of her own words, his lips pressing together in a thin line in the pause that follows. Another way of showing her that it's okay. Still, he slowly shakes his head only to keep his gaze on hers.

"And I did," he admits next, "I do."

Her mouth slowly parts but words die on the tip of her tongue, eyes widening and glossing over at his words in the same moment. She finds herself frozen on her spot in front of the coffee table suddenly terrified by the truth. Something she deep down knew to be just that, something she thought she had recently accepted to be the truth. Something she longed to hear all along and something she imagined telling him herself that very night and yet she's unable to speak let alone move.

She doesn't know how she ended back up on the soft blue couch in the corner of her office or how long she sat there. Head in her hands and tears freely flowing over her cheeks, the sound of her sobs echoing through the room. It's when she has to catch a breath and her gaze flickers up that she really notices why she was in tears.

The spot he'd been standing.

Empty now.

She can't remember how he left or when; if he said anything else but she remembers her inability to respond. An inability that had been second nature to him for years, something she tried to help him with, occasionally grew tired off and one of the main reasons she tried to let go one too many times and now it happened to her. That doubt she'd talked about earlier to Louis kicking in in the most unfortunate's of moments and she mulls over the encounter again.

The epitome of missed opportunities and everything she imagined to never get, lost all the same in a split second.

Her eyes close heavily, head tilting back to rest in the palms of her hands. She doesn't want to feel sorry for herself cause it was her own fault but a sob leaves her lips all the same and her body involuntarily shivers.

It's then that her mind, her mouth, and her ability to speak kicks back in. She verbalises a reminder of the words he said to her, followed by what her reaction should have been.

"I did. I do… I do too."

She gasps now, loudly but at the same time her eyes widen and she scans the room again. It's still empty but this time around she stands, looks around once more and an overwhelming need to right what she wronged kicks in.

She slips on her shoes and grabs her phone from the coffee table. It might be a coward's way out, or in her case, in, because it should be said in person and if that can't happen than by voice but she finds herself opening her text messages.

Afraid he won't answer when she calls, or worse experiences another moment where she can't get the words out. So she does the only other thing that's left, typing the two words she should have told him that night. Has been wanting to tell him ever since the kiss and right now it's the first thing she has to get off her chest in whatever way she can communicate with him.

" _ **I lied."**_

The message barely sent she moves, hectically. Pacing back and forth twice before she gathers her purse, still forgetting about her coat when she makes it out of her office. She automatically glances to the dark office on the left before she reminds herself it's Zane's now and she starts to move in the opposite direction.

A small step first, the second faster and third bigger until she strides into his office. His name on the tip of her tongue, it being pronounced barely above a whisper when the emptiness of the room sinks in on her. She stares at his desk, chair still in the same spot near the windowsill where he left it when she came to find him earlier. His suit jacket still hanging over the back of another chair, but he's gone.

She waited too long.

A heavy sigh escapes her then, head hanging low as her shoulders drop. The sight to anyone else just that but she doesn't have to walk over to find out his phone is in the inner pocket, she just knows it is.

Devastated and drained she backs away, the first two steps with her gaze still low and on his office. It's when she reaches the threshold of the door again that she takes a sharp turn to the left, brushing past her empty cubicle as she makes her way to the elevators.

.

It's a strange place he has found himself at. Not his office, the bathroom, file room or even the roof. It's Zane's office, Jessica's old office and his old office but most importantly away from, yet close to her.

He gazes out of the window and into the darkness, it oddly matching how he feels inside. He'd known, deep down he'd known it and yet having it happen all the same is heart breaking. Especially when the one scenario that hadn't crossed his mind was what reality entailed, he likes to think he would have known how to handle her saying she didn't feel the same but the silence that followed his words isn't that.

In a way it's worse.

He swallows thickly and blinks once, fingers tapping on the window sill for the last couple of minutes. It could have been five, ten maybe even half an hour, he doesn't remember. All he knows is he said what he had to say and in a way got to know what he needed to know.

If his younger self had found himself in this particular situation he would have thrown himself into scotch and put the thoughts, the words he spoke but didn't receive back in a box so deep down it would never see the light of day again.

His younger self would have cursed himself for getting his hopes up, despite the warning he got even earlier that day. His younger self would even have blamed his mother for getting inside his head.

" _You'll never know for sure if you don't ask."_

Yet twelve-and-half-years of growth make him experience the exact opposite, finally and maybe inevitably excepting the full truth. The hard truth. He, Harvey Specter, is in love with Donna Paulsen. Probably always has been and he can't imagine ever not being, even if she doesn't feel the same.

The buzzing sound of his phone wakes him from his thoughts and while he is in no particular mood to read the string of messages the pup no doubt left after his pathetic excuse of a voice mail, he still reaches for the device. Turning the screen on with a single press of his thumb on the home button.

.

She presses the button of the elevator, waiting in the lobby of the fiftieth floor for one of the elevator doors to slide open and take her home. It's then that she catches a light coming from the corner of her eye. It's small but bright and she only turns to look over her shoulder because she remembers looking at the entirely dark corner of the firm minutes earlier.

She glances through the glass partitions of both the lobby and the managing partner's office and she's only able to make out a silhouette from this distance but she can recognise his shape from a mile away. Her heart leaps, her stomach flutters and the ding the elevator makes to announce its arrival is just background noise as her feet start to carry her towards him.

.

The screen of his phone illuminates the dark office around him and when his gaze locks in on the notification prominently displayed on his screen it also reignites the ever simmering fire of his love for her in such a quick pace he didn't know was humanly possible.

" _ **I lied."**_

His heart skips a beat.

" _ **I lied."**_

He reads the message again.

" _ **I lied."**_

And again. Over and over until the only thing on his mind are these two words and their meaning. His thoughts becoming such a repetitive sound they fall in line with the familiar soft thudded rhythm of her heels inching closer and he only becomes aware of her presence when he catches a glimpse of her from the corner of his eye.

She takes the last step to cross the literal and figurative threshold and enters the office he'd been standing in. Her hands dropping to her side, purse dangling down from her fingers. It's his name on the tip of her tongue but she doesn't get to pronounce it when his gaze flickers up to meet hers in that exact moment.

Everything after that happens fast and in slow motion all the same.

Neither of them know who closed the distance between them, if it were her three small steps or his two big strides or if they met somewhere in the middle. Whether her purse fell down first or if his phone cracked on the wooden floor before that and in the end it doesn't matter when his lips crash down on hers in a bruising kiss.

Decade long denied desires turned desperation has them stumbling through the office to the first surface they can reach. The desk in the middle of the room. The glass edge pressing in both their legs is sharp like the line they drew and cross again in the place it was invented for; painful for the years behind them and the lies they told each other but mostly themselves and just like the files tumbling off the surface to the floor it's messy.

It's messy because after all these years it's not how or where it's supposed to happen. Quickly, both still dressed and apart from gasps completely silent. Quick all it could be but not enough to make up for the years lost. The clothes they still have on their armour, their shield. Something to hide behind if need be and silent because over the years they already ruined so much with words they can't allow themselves to do so in this moment.

So they use their hands, their lips and their eyes to do the talking. Undoing the one necessary button and zipper, hands quickly pushing up and aside fabric to ghost over flushed skin and lips meeting over and over again. Their names replaced with moans.

The moment they unite fully, raw and unprepared but needed. So needed. And as fast as everything had gone since the second she stepped into the office as slow as the pause that follows, the breathless gasps that mingle in the small space between them as they still, but it's the way his left hand sneaks around her waist and holds her firmly in place before he thrusts again his way of telling her that he won't let anything happen to her. Ever.

When she brings her hand around his neck and hooks her leg around his hip, bringing him as close as their united bodies can be she's finally telling him what she meant with her more. The only sounds echoing through the room now are moans, gasps and his body joining hers over and over again until the breathing sounds intensify in pace before being fully replaced by a loud cry. The rest of her verbalisation kissed away by his lips when she rides out her high, the moment so powerful it makes him come undone right away and he loses himself in her. Filling her with more than love.

His head crashes in the crook of her neck, arms limb and breathes heavy as they stay like that for a moment, overwhelmed and for the next couple of minutes both are still unaware of their surroundings. There's no kiss that follows but her hands move lazily through his hair and down his cheek until he moves back ever so slightly. Her hooded eyes meeting his and in them he sees the exact same look he saw the night she kissed him.

A look he is now certain meant she felt it. Felt everything. Just like him and he can't believe how blind he's been, how stupid he's been and the apology for all that and more is on the tip of his tongue when she says something else.

"We're in Robert's office."

The words far from perfect and breaking their spell but his words would have done the same so it doesn't matter. With a swallow he nods once slowly, moves back and out of her and suddenly a shy awkwardness washes over him at the realisation of what just happened.

They dress themselves quietly and quickly and once more it's the complete opposite of how it should have been but that's them. Nothing goes as planned and he finds himself at a loss for words. He wants to tell her so much, more than he already did and more than the deed should have proved but he watches her slide off the desk, brush the maroon fabric down her thighs and all he is able to do is follow her lead.

She brushes her hair out her face, still out of breath and possibly shocked over what just transpired between them in the last couple of minutes. She doesn't regret it but once aware of their location again she realises how far from ideal it is and so she snaps back into her signature mode. She plans and she fixes, rearranges the files they messed up and places the picture of Rachel that had fallen over back up on the desk.

Any day she would have laughed at that stupid touch, having had sex 'in front' of her friend. Today she doesn't and because she plans and fixes, she stays quiet. This time it being a deliberate choice because she knows he always followed her words to the letter even when she was wrong. Even when she lied and she's aware of how much can be ruined by talking and after what they just did she can't let that happen.

Letting out a deep breath, she pats her hands down her dress and reaches for her purse from the floor. Throwing him one look she hopes her actions will tell him all he needs to know and it seems to work as his feet move. Silently inching closer to her, following her until he's right beside her. Their walk silent, short, and when they reach the elevators a slow press on the downwards button causing them to halt makes the moment mirror many shared before.

As the door slides open and she gets in, it's when his goodnight should be heard but it isn't there. When she turns around and meets the look in his eyes her greeting lacks too and neither of them smiles. He watches her stand there, hair fixed but still undone. His gaze drops over her face to her plump lips he can still taste and the definition of beauty standing in front makes him freeze for a second.

While any other person would say that the life altering moment between them already happened it's really now, as they stand there on either side of the elevator door at the end of the night. Each time before he had let her go alone but this time he moves forward. Taking two steps until he's inside the small metal box too, gaze kept low he turns around to stand next to her.

 _I'm not running away._

It's when the doors slowly close and the elevator starts its descent that she blindly extends her hand in search of his. Her fingers sliding over the palm of his left hand to his, parting his digits before slipping between and folding around them. The smallest of squeezes making him do the same.

 _Neither am I._

The rest of the ride down they keep their gazes ahead, their thoughts to themselves but their hands remain linked. Even when they reach the lobby, or pass through the front door or call for a cab neither of them let's go and she doesn't either when they reach her apartment. It's just a look and a tug on his hand that makes him come up the two flights of stairs and eventually inside.

Their movements slower this time around, it's her guiding him. She places her keys on the bowl in the hallway, her bag on the empty spot next to it and after kicking off her four inch heels she turns to face the man who's hand she's still holding. Her gaze slowly lifting until it meets his.

 _Hey._

She watches the glistering in his eyes as he watches her. The smile he sports mirroring the one that spreads over her face and she steps closer then. A sudden nervousness settling in the pit of her stomach but the desire and love she feels for him is so much stronger and what makes her close the distance between them again. Her left hand slipping over his chest to the back of his head, bringing him closer as she lifts herself on her toes and brings her lips to his.

He answers her kiss in a beat and it's only then that he takes his hand from her grasp. Only letting go to hold her close in a different way. His hands finding their rightful spot on her waist, her hips, pulling her small frame even firmer against his own. Still holding her close when the need for air becomes too much, heavily panting both pull back the absolute minimal distance necessary.

Still caught up in the moment, their foreheads meet and their gasps mingle between their lips as they stay like that for a moment. He slowly opens his eyes after, meeting her gaze in a beat and the look in them tells him all he needs to know.

 _Hey._

She smirks, slowly shakes her head at the smile he's giving her and she kisses him again, hands blindly moving down over his vest to undo the two buttons and her palms move over his sides next, counting ribs as she tries to guide him through the hallway.

He releases her locks from his grasp to reach behind his back and pull the vest away, bringing his hands back to her waist. Showing her he remembers the location of her bedroom from all those years ago as her deft fingers make quick work of his tie, tossing the piece of fabric aside before she focusses on the buttons of his dress shirt, pulling the fabric from his pants like she'd done earlier that night.

He growls at her hands on his skin, hot and cold at the same time and her nails digging into his skin, he kisses his way down her neck as he backs her up against the door of her room. Hands searching for the knob behind her back, she turns around when he fails to open it. Throwing him a smug smirk when she succeeds, she pushes the door open and tip toes into her room feeling him follow her suit.

He closes the distance between them a mere second later, sneaking up behind her with his hands on her waist. It's when he moves his left hand up to bring her hair to the side that he meets her gaze in the mirror in front of them. The moment a weird pause, but he finds himself looking at the room around him. Different colours and textures and yet exactly how he remembered it to be.

 _It's still the same._

That's what his gaze tells her when her gaze locks with his through the mirror and she nods softly, a silent acknowledgement of the other time. Neither ever having been able to forget, as hard as they might have tried. She exhales slowly, watches him watching her and then the way he picks up the task he'd been just about to do. Move the last of her auburn strands over her left shoulder, his lips soon meeting the exposed skin of her neck again.

Her eyes close at that, the sensation of his hands over her frame making her knees weak and a moan slips off of her lips when his tongue drags over her skin. The action bringing her back to twelve-and-a-half years ago and as she peers through her lashes at their reflection in front of her she doesn't see them now but their younger versions. Barely dressed and whipped cream can held in his right hand as he held her in his left.

She feels him kiss the base of her neck and she knows he knows better to leave a mark. Something she had to warn him about that night all those years ago and while he obeyed, he always did, he still did. Just an invisible version; a hold on her heart she hadn't been able to shake since.

He focuses on her dress now, the one that had intrigued him from the second he saw her this morning. The zipper running down her back a distraction in itself. He undoes the small clip of the cape in the back of her neck first, letting his fingers trail down the exposed part of her spine to the zipper. Finally completing the one motion he'd imagined himself doing all day long.

Taking away her mask, the Roland Mouret dress falls to the floor with a soft dud, the sound nothing in comparison to the groan that escapes him at the sight of her in front of him. Exploring her body with his gaze, he lifts his eyes an inch every second. Taking his sweet time to take in the woman in front of him, her long slim legs first. A thin piece of teared black lace that doesn't leave much room for imagination next, he swallows and wets his lips and the way she inhales, notices her muscles flex and her chest rise and fall in a slow pace.

The reflective object in front of them exposing every emotion they feel, it's not just them getting physically naked but emotionally. Letting down their guards completely, no wall left behind. Everything they feel for the other, even without the use of words, out in the open.

She exhales deeply, starting to feel nervous under his gaze. The only man who's ever had that effect on her and she brings her arms around her frame, but his hands are just as quick to undo her motion. Linking their hands in the process, he looks back up at her through the mirror.

 _You look beautiful._

She smiles at the unsaid words between them, her head lowering for just a moment until he steps closer again, taking the strap of her bra between his fingers he brings one of them over her shoulder. Kissing the soft mark left behind he blindly reaches in between them to undo the clasp.

She inhales now, meeting his hand moving the left strap of her shoulder halfway. Taking the black band from his hand she is the one to remove the piece of clothing altogether. Letting it reunite with the pool of maroon fabric at her feet and where she had used her arms to cover herself a mere minute ago she doesn't do so now. Just watches him as his gaze drops back over her frame to her newly exposed skin.

He remembers every curve and freckle, the pattern they formed and yet it felt like he was looking at her for the first time. Already stood closely behind her, he took one small last step until their bodies were firmly pressed against one another making his appreciation for her even more obvious. He bites down on his bottom lip, taking a moment to think over his course of action but when her body starts to melt against his chest his hands automatically slip up her sides again.

Holding her in place at first, he opens his mouth to pronounce her name but it's left unspoken when she reads it off of his face and turns to look at him over her shoulder and his lips find hers in a beat. The kiss slow and sensual, the roll of her hips against his own making his hands come into motion again. Slipping up over her ribs to the front, he cups her voluptuous breasts in her hands and draws his thumbs over her hardened nipples.

The moan that escapes her in between his kisses the exact sound he remembers she made when he licked the whipped cream from her in the exact same slow circular motion he draws with his thumb over her right breast. A motion he repeats after with his left hand, this time around he observes her reaction in the mirror, the way her eyes shut down and her mouth parts in an inaudible gasp.

He drags his gaze down her flushed frame until it rest on the black lace once more; the glistering darker spot either a remained mixture of their bodily fluids from earlier or giving away how turned on the redhead in his embrace already is.

 _Most likely both._

He swallows thickly at his own thoughts and trails one hand down her stomach when his curiosity gets the better of him. Fingertips tracing the edge of her panties in a slow tease, it's when his name rolls off her tongue in a plead for the first time that night that he gives in. Hand finding her still covered centre when he brings his hands between her legs. Pressing the moist fabric against her, he starts with a slow caress. Up and down, once, twice. He makes it to five before she protests and he gives in, sneaking his hand under the now soaked lace, touching her without any barriers at last.

"Fuck, you're wet."

She can only snicker at his obvious observation. His husky voice only increasing that and she lets her hips roll against his once more but when her silent request isn't answered by his fingers inside of her she runs her hand down his arm and presses his hand against her heat. A smug grin spreading across his face, she watches it form in the mirror and rolls her eyes but doesn't comment any further. Just uses her own hand to guide him once more, his fingers slipping between her folds.

He feels the warmth of her breathy moan against his neck and he finally continues his movements. Massaging her breast with one hand, rolling her nipple between his fingers as he places wet kisses on her every piece of skin he can reach. Never entering her, the hand down her panties continues its up and downwards slide until it settles in a circular movement on her bundle of nerves.

She shudders inside his embrace not long after, the mirror in front of them displaying her in her throws of ecstasy as she comes undone under his touch. He kisses her earlobe, coaxes her down from her high with slower movements now until her breathing settles again and her shoulders slump against his chest.

Releasing her breast from his hold he caresses the other before he moves his hand soothingly up and down her side as her removes his other hand from her panties. He lifts his in her, but in reality their mixed juices, covered fingers to his face, needing to taste her but before he can do so she takes his wrist in her hand and covers his two fingers with her lips, sucking them clean.

"Not fair."

She lets his fingers slide from her mouth with a soft plop, and she shrugs once.

"I wanted to taste you."

She purposely licks her own lips, the look she's sending him can only be translated into a _what are you going to do about it._

He leans in then, kissing her smirk smile away and when his tongue slides over hers he can taste just a hint of himself, but it's not enough. Not by a long shot and his hands are already back on the ripped piece of lace before he parts from the kiss.

Using both hands to drag the ruined fabric down her hips, he kisses her shoulder, then her shoulder blade and her spine next. All the way down until he kisses the bare piece of skin where her thong had just resided, and he lowers himself onto his knees to be able to guide her panties all the way down to the floor, even helping her step out of the pile of fabric before his hands guide her to turn around.

She does so slowly, looking down at the big brown eyes staring up at her. His head so close to where she wants him to be, what he said he'd do but he isn't even looking and it's driving her insane. Her second orgasm that night not having turned down the desire she feels for him in any shape way or form and she know for certain now, something she also realised twelve-and-a-half years ago. This man has her completely ruined.

He stares up at her from his position, her long hair cascading down her shoulders, her hazel eyes looking down at him and her breasts heaving up and down with every breath she takes and it's a mesmerising sight but he she's right in front of him and her scent draws his attention back to his plans.

He trails his hands up over her calves, knees and thighs. Lips soon following that path and he kisses, licks and sucks on her thigh. Teasing her for a good minute until his own need becomes too much and he lifts himself into his knees just a little, bringing him at the exact right height. His mouth meeting her lips in a chaste kiss that has her moaning right away.

The second kiss on the same spot but longer this time, allowing his tongue to lap up her juices. A motion her repeats thrice, as his hands settle on her hips and hers slip through his hair, holding him there and yet demanding his attention at the same time.

"Harv."

He hears her pant and he knows what she wants, what she really needs and he nods once but not before leaning in one last time. Dragging his tongue between her slit to her clit, sucking he engorged nerve end into his mouth. That one suck just a second but enough for her groin to buck to his face and he looks up at her with an all to self-satisfied smile.

She shakes her head, wants to wipe that smile off of his face but all she can do is lift his chin and make him look up at and next stand up in front of her. Her hand still on his jaw when she steals a kiss.

The action just long enough to distract him when her free hand cups his burgeoning erection through his suit pants, stroking him through the thick fabric a few times before she halts her ministrations.

Instead she runs her hands over his arms and looks him deeply in his eyes before she kisses him again, she doesn't use words but she hopes her actions will tell him everything he told her with his own.

The way her fingers trace his lips and cheeks after her way of telling him she loves his smile, hands trailing down his biceps her appreciation for him always protecting her and when she places her hand in his heart it's her _I love you._

These three motions followed by the next, where she thinks about the way he makes her laugh. His stomach. She uses her index finger to trace down his V line, _you're the best I've ever had,_ until she meets the edge of his pants again.

Biting down on her lip in concentration she undoes the one button and pulls down the zipper, both motions slow. The complete opposite of the way she lowers to her knees, pulls down his pants and boxers along with it, freeing his erection right in front of her face.

Swallowing in anticipation she brings her hand to his shaft and trails her fingers up and down his length. Thumb moving over the tip, soon replacing that by her lips.

He twitches inside of her warm mouth and his eyes close for a second at the sensory overload she's giving him but he forces himself to look down at her right after. How she holds him in her grasp and fondles his balls, needs to see himself disappear between her lips, wants to see her big eyes staring up at him and that small smile she produces even when bobbing her head up and down in a tortuously slow rhythm.

"God."

She smirks, moving back and letting his penis slide from her lips, her tongue darting out one last time to lick away some pre cum. She drags her finger over the underside of his member as she brings herself to her feet again, kissing him softly before pronouncing her counter.

"It's Donna."

He opens his mouth to comment, but her grasp on him prevents him from doing so and before he knows it he finds himself pushed down on her bed. A laugh escaping him them and he pushes himself up the mattress just a little to make himself more comfortable, his erection hitting his stomach in the process as it stands to attention waiting for her. He bobs his head to the side as his gaze meets hers.

 _Come here._

She watches him adjust, dragging one leg up just a little to give her an even better view of and access to him. His unpronounced but very clear message still on her mind she finds herself watching him for a moment, just in awe that this handsome man is actually hers and that he wants her to have her way with him.

He notices the way she bites her lip and rocks back and forth on her spot, no doubt pressing her legs together in the movement to relieve pressure he so easily could do himself. He tilts his head to the side once more, asking for her attention but she seems too spaced out to notice.

His dick twitches again at the lack of attention and she's barely touched him but he's so incredibly hard it's almost embarrassing. Almost uncomfortable and he doesn't want to but he has to, hand curling into a c shape as he reaches for himself.

"Don't," she objects, stepping forward and crawling onto her bed at last.

It wasn't a move on his part, but he isn't surprised it had this affect. In fact, he knew it would, it's exactly what she did during the other time. Just like when she sucked him off only seconds ago the only difference was the lack of whipped cream but her modus operandi was the same.

Sliding one leg along his, her hands padding over his chest in support and her knee lands on the matrass right next to his hip. She brings her lips to his in a sensual kiss while lowering herself on his length. Twin moans filling the dense air between them as he fills her completely and just like as in the office the moment is followed by a pause. One where they adjust to the changes ahead and admire each other in the process.

It's her picking up the lead again, just like she had guided him home and undressed him first. Told him everything she loved about him with her touches and kisses, it's now that she starts to roll her hips, slowly riding him that she tells him she wants everything.

" _What do you mean more?"_

" _You."_

" _So you're saying you want everything?"_

"Yes, ooh fuck." Her eyes shut and she pants loudly when he lifts his hips and thrusts. His hands moving over her thighs to her hips, holding her steady as he accompanies her every move for a minute, until he flips them over.

Leaning down slowly to kiss her, he runs his hands over her chest, her breasts and along her arms in a soft caress, pinning them above her head until his digits slip between hers. Holding on tightly to her hand with every thrust that follows as he continues to make love to her, feeling the pressure to start building inside of him again.

He kisses her again, on her lips first and down her jaw next. Gasping her name in her ear on a particularly deep thrust, freeing one hand to pull her leg further over his hip to repeat the motion. He manoeuvres his hand between them, blindly finding her bundle of nerves. Every circular motion of his thumb and slide in and out of her bringing her closer to the edge. Feeling her muscles starting to clench around him and her body wither underneath his he picks up his pace.

"Ooh, God. Har –" She sucks in a deep breath, biting down on her lip and her nails digging into his skin as he rubs her clit one more time. "Fuck. Harvey," she pants when he hits that spot and pushes her over the edge, her back arching in the process. She runs her hands from his biceps down his back to his behind.

Squeezing his butt, pulling him even closer than he thought was humanly possible and it's this reaction in her throws of ecstasy that pushes him over the brink. "Donna." He comes with a loud grunt, emptying himself inside of her.

He manages to kiss her one last time before his arms give in, his tired and limb body crashing into hers. They lay there for a moment, limbs still intertwined in every possible way as they try to regain their breathing. She laughs contently and brushes his hair from his sweaty forehead only to place a kiss there on his skin.

He wishes he could stay like this for the rest of time but he also knows he's crushing her delicate frame and he's the one to pull back after a moment. He drops on his back and a soft but breathy laugh escapes his lips when his head hits the pillow. He opens his mouth to speak but can't yet, inhaling deeply he tries to catch his breath and turns his head to the left. Turning to look at the redhead next to him, her hair spread out over the white sheets, her eyes closed but a satisfied smile spread over her lips making him smile too.

"So," he breathes, taking a long pause as he waits for her to open her eyes and look at him. He smiles first when she does, turns a little to rest on his side and uses his left hand to brush a strand of hair out of her face before he props his head up on his hand and brings his right hand to her waist. "You lied."

She inhales sharply, presses her lips together in a thin line and her eyes close for a moment at his words and her own feelings towards her actions. "I'm sorry," she whispers, glancing back up at him from under her lashes as she moves her hand to his bare chest. "I should have been honest from the –"

He runs his hand from her waist to her hip, fingertips softly pressing into her frame as he interrupts her words. "I lied too," he tells her, thinking about that one night in the lobby. He knows everything they've been through these past hours should tell her exactly what she needs to know, what she has probably known all along as she's Donna but he wants to tell her.

He also knows he has a habit of saying the wrong thing just as much as she has a habit of taking what he is trying to say in the wrong way. When he feels her small frame tense under his grasp he realises that's exactly what is happening again, so gets the next words out as quickly as he can. "When I – I lied when I said I didn't want more."

"God," she slaps his chest halfway through his added sentence as a nervous and yet relieved chuckle escapes her. "You," she continues, now using her fingers to sooth the spot on his chest she just hit until her motion turns into drawing lazy circles. "You can't say it like that."

"Like what?"

She watches his brows knit together in a beat and she can't help but grin at the man she's loved for a third of her life. "For a second there, I –" She pauses, her hand stills on his chest, just above his heart and she can only tell him the truth, as stupid as it may make her sound. "I thought you were going to say you don't love me too."

He smiles at a words and a year from now he'll tease her about the way she phrased her sentence and what she let slide but he also realises he'll only freak her out if he does today. "You uhm…" he swallows, letting his hand slide over her arm to her hand resting on his chest. "You don't need to say it," he tells her then, with a look that shows her he knows and he smiles again, taking her hand in his own.

"I love you," he says. "I think I've always been in love with you, Donna."

She'd known, deep down she'd always known and she also knew these words were coming and yet it makes her breath hitch, her stomach flutter and as much as she wants to say it back, everything that happened this night makes her feel so overwhelmed that she can't.

She squeezes his hand though and blinks back a few tears. The three little words don't leave her lips but a soft _good_ does and she leans in to press a kiss against his lip. It was meant to be quick one but it turns into a long lingering one. Her hand still resting on his cheek when she pulls back before she rolls out of his embrace and turns to sit on the edge of her bed.

He watches her move out of his embrace, instantly missing her warmth he props himself up to sit too. Head now crooking to the side, he lets his gaze trail over her bare spine as she pushes herself onto her feet. "Donna," he swallows now, his hand resting on the still warm spot she'd just been laying. "What - where are you going?"

"I –" She stalls, shuffles on her spot to think over his question. Realises she's doing what she couldn't stand him doing over the years, just because she's so overwhelmed. Forcing herself to exhale deeply, she glances over her shoulder in his direction. "We," she starts her sentence again now. "Are taking a shower."

The words are close but not the same to what she said over a decade ago but the smirk smile and the raised eyebrow they were delivered with are. He doesn't jump out of bed, lift her up and throw her over his shoulder but he does nod with a big smile, rolls himself over the mattress to her side and gets out behind her. His hands finding her waist and his lips the spot at the top of her neck, whispering his eager reply in her ear.

.

She ruffles the towel through her wet hair, a squeal escaping her lips when he steps up behind her and his arm wraps around her waist. She laughs softly at the ticklish feeling of his warm breath in her neck. She uses her hand to wipe the mirror in front of her clean, allowing her to look at him in the reflection of the mirror.

He kisses the top of her shoulder, uses his right hand to move her damp locks over her shoulder before he continues placing wet kisses up her neck. He uses his other hand to reach for the edge of the towel, blindly undoing the part where she folded it together. "Let's go to bed."

She chuckles lightly at the boyish grin she sees appear on his face the exact second he manages to make her towel drop to floor and she squirms at his hands on her skin. "I don't think I'll survive a fifth orgasm," she counters using her elbow to poke his abs. "And there's no way you could go for another round, hotshot."

He grunts at the elbow in his side and his head bobs up, gaze meeting her pointed smirk in the mirror. He thinks about her quick kisses, long torturous strokes and those big hazel eyes staring up at him as she made him hard inside her warm mouth and he swallows now, intensifying his grip on her frame. 'I could."

He notices the way her eyebrow raises and he caves instantly. "Okay fine, I couldn't," he admits, pressing a kiss against her cheek. "But I meant to sleep."

She takes in his words and keeps looking at him in the mirror, the look on his face in particular and she remembers seeing it before. In this exact spot, over a decade ago. Her body thrown over his shoulder, remains of whipped cream left in every crook of her frame and she remembers the kiss he placed on her hip, how she looked over her shoulder into the mirror at his face before he placed her down on the ground and took her in the shower. She thinks about his words now, the ones from earlier this night.

" _I think I've always been in love with you, Donna."_

Years ago she would have challenged his _think,_ just like she asked him _how._ Right now, seeing that look on his face she knows she doesn't have to. Because it doesn't matter if he can or cannot explain how, or tell her when things changed for him or even when he realised it, because truth to be told she wouldn't be able to answer any of those precisely either.

All that matters is that he did, she did. They did and that they're here now.

She smiles softly at that, turning around in his embrace and letting her hands run up over his chest util her arms link around his neck. Lifting herself on her toes to her lips to his for a quick kiss, letting her heels meet the tiled floor soon after again. "I love you."

His face breaks out in a smile so big and he feels like a kid at Christmas because even after making it to the top of his career, signing various of his childhood heroes as clients this right here. Having the love of his life in his arms telling him she loves him, is the very best moment of his life.

He leans forward and presses a kiss to the top of her nose, and her forehead then. Just holding her when she laughs and buried her head against his chest, his chin landing on the top of her head for a moment.

"Harvey," she whispers then, brushing her hands through the short strands in the back of his neck.

"Yeah."

"Let's go to bed."

.

.

Even though she is a perfectionist, any works of William Shakespeare aside, Donna Paulsen doesn't believe true perfection exists or is achievable. One can always improve and strive to be better but as she stirs this morning, sunlight streaming in through the cracks of her curtains and her body aching in all the right places, memories of last night bringing a warmth over her as she stretches her long legs, she thinks then that waking up next to him is pretty damn perfect.

She grins at the sappy thought, slowly turning around to face the man that had held her close all through the night, but her heart for the last thirteen years. A greeting on the top of her tongue, she pries her eyes open in a beat when her wandering hand meets the warm but empty spot besides her.

Perfection doesn't exist.

She feels her stomach turn and her inner voice finds all the reasons that made her believe in that statement; the way they happened was anything but that. She couldn't find the words when she needed to, he left. A declaration by text. Neither of them scream perfection.

Having sex on Robert Zane's desk is about the furthest thing from the definition and it lasting all but three minutes either. The way silence followed wasn't what anyone pictured a thirteen years in the making moment would be, but it did.

She turns then, needing to avert her vision from the empty spot beside her before emotions take over and it's only then that she spots it.

His clothes.

Still scattered around the floor. A thousand dollar Tom Ford suit ruined by wrinkles and bodily fluids.

It's not perfect, but it's real and there's nothing more real than the bond they share. The thirteen years of trust, support and love.

She chuckles to herself now, head meeting her hand for the moments of doubt she went through and she knows better. He wouldn't leave again, not after everything but it's twelve years of fearing he might that took over.

Not perfect, but real.

She moves to the edge of her bed, reaching for his dress shirt she exchanges the sheets for the other white piece of fabric. Buttoning the shirt up as she moves, she quietly tiptoes her way to her living room and when she finds it empty but hears sounds come from the kitchen she continues her path.

Her gaze lands on his bare back seconds later and her stomach flips again, but for a different reason. She knew he was still there and yet seeing him standing there right in front of her makes her leave out a relieved sigh.

The next few steps she takes are quicker and before he has a chance to acknowledge her presence she closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his frame as she hugs him from behind. Her lips finding a spot between his shoulder blades before her forehead meets his frame.

He freezes on his spot but doesn't flinch, instead he smiles and leans into her embrace. Her hands warm on his stomach, he brings one hand from the coffee machine to cover hers, giving it a quick squeeze.

"You're not allowed to do that, you know…"

 _Make coffee?_ He wants to ask her but all he can do is frown because he's certain she doesn't mean that and that her explanation will follow.

"Leave me to wake up alone in bed. I thought you -"

He tenses at her words, hands automatically placing the small bottle of vanilla extract down on the counter and he turns around in her embrace. Wrapping his own arm around her to hold her and he brings his free hand to her chin, lifting it ever so slightly with his index finger to make her look at him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Donna," he tells her, for once he knows exactly what to say because he realises that her fear is his fear and the words he needs to use are the ones he would want to hear. "I was just making us coffee."

She nods in acknowledgment, presses her lips together in a thin line and holds her hands on his side.

He mirrors her move, taking a step towards her and making her move to the opposite side of the kitchen. He lifts her up then, placing her down on the counter top and he steps between her legs. His lips finding hers in a reassuring kiss, it's when his hand drops from her side and hits a cold plate on its way down that he pulls back.

Peering to the left he stares at the small white porcelain item, one with a soft gray line around the edge and looks oddly the same as what he has at home.

"What?" She whispers.

"Isn't that mine."

She follows his line of sight as he nods at the object, a chuckle escaping her when she sees it. "Yes," she admits, "your mom asked Ray to bring it to me."

"A plate?"

"It wasn't empty."

He grins then, remembering what his mother made the weekend she stayed in the city and he looks back up at the redhead right in front of his. "Strawberry pie."

"Yeah."

"My fav."

She tilts her head to the side and bites down on her lip. "Is it?"

He slowly shakes his head but keeps his gaze firmly directed on her, his hands moving from her to her thighs and he softly squeezes her legs just above her knees. Both of them already knowing the answer to her question. Something he told her during the other time.

She squirms a little on her spot, tapping his leg with her foot. She runs her hands over his chest, drawing lazy circles until she looks up at him again. "It really was nice meeting your mom."

"I'm glad you did," he tells her again, picking up the conversation where things changed between them last night. He moves his thumb over the spot just about her knee and he takes a deep breath before he speaks again. "Just so you know," he moves his head to the side, letting his gaze search for hers. "She wants you there at dinner next time."

"Next time?" she inquires, taking a deep breath as her hands still near his collarbones.

"Yeah."

Donna chuckles softly and lets her head fall to his chest, resting there for a moment as she tries to control her emotions. "I can't believe we actually got here."

He breathes in the scent of her vanilla shampoo, lets his lips ghost over her temple before he tilts his head back and uses his index finger to lift her chin and make her look at him again. "You got the rest of your life to get used to that."

"Was that a proposal?"

He grins, shakes his head lightly and runs his hands further up her thighs, pulling her just a tad closer to him. "I know you well enough to know not to deprive you of getting down on one knee."

She chuckles once, glances down and bites her lip to hide the blush that is creeping up on her face. "You got that right." Her whisper followed by a throaty laugh on his part and she returns to look at the love of her life. Letting him hook her right leg around his waist as he moves in to kiss her again.

She meets him halfway, playfully alternating tugging and pecking his lips. Letting her hand slide around his neck and through his hair as she kisses him like she did the night before; hungrily and a moan escapes her lips when his hands slip under the edge of his dress shirt.

"This," he mumbles, tugging on the white fabric once. He steals another kiss from the redhead as he moves to unbutton it. "You in my shirt," he explains, looking down at her frame, popping another button open and swallowing thickly when he uncovers the constellation of freckles he still recalls from over a decade ago. "Incredibly hot.

She hums, her eyes closing when he draws his index finger over her skin between the valley of her breathes as his other sneaks back up over her thigh to her hip. "Like a dream come true."

"You have no idea," he tells her, kissing his way up her neck to her ear. Taking her earlobe between his lips, softly sucking on it as he lets his hands roam over her body.

She matches his wandering hands with her own, one slipping down his front and over his boxers. Finally letting her feel what she hoped to wake up next to. "Ooh," she grins, stroking him once, before she slips her hand under the fabric and releases him from it. "I think I do."

Her hand on him only reigniting the need he woke up with, but it also reminds him of the night before and something important they hadn't thought about at the time. At least, it hadn't been on the forefront of his mind, though he's certain she would have let him know but he needs her to know he thinks about it now. "Babe," he stalls her.

"Babe?"

He bobs his head aside, giving her a look and his hand slides over her arm to her wrist. Holding her hand in place, because what he has to say is important. "Last night... We didn't –"

She takes in a deep breath, doesn't need him to finish the sentence to understand what he's trying to tell her. Their behaviour in the office anything from perfect and reckless is just another additive to that list, but she also knows he's the only one she's willing to take that risk with just like she is for him.

While that is the truth she also knows he knows he's bringing it up as a formality. Knows he knows she wouldn't have let it happen otherwise, just like the other time. It's a strange way to broach the subject, way too soon for them as couple and for them as friends way too late but here they are and she does anyway because he did.

"What if we made … a babe?"

He smirks automatically at the way she phrases her question, but thinks about it seriously for a moment. Something he has known for a longer time now but never admitted out loud. "I think I could get used to a mini-you running around."

"Think?"

"Know," he corrects his previous answer.

"It would be a mini-us though."

"Ooh," he fakes a sigh but a laugh escapes him next. Wondering if the world would ever be ready for that, but he knows that he is. His hand moves over her thigh, squeezing her soft flesh once as the playful exchange returns to the serious undertone of the conversation they were having.

"Did we," he mumbles then, suddenly questioning what he already knew.

She covers his hand with her own, softly shakes her head before she brings her other hand to his cheek and makes him look up at her again. "Can you open that drawer?" she taps with her hand on the counter next to her.

He frowns briefly but does as she asks. Slowly opening the drawer on his right, he watches the content come in to view and he sees it before she even leans forward and reaches for the strip of contraceptive pills. He'd known before he even brought it up and the sight only confirms it but he still feels the tiniest bit of disappointment.

She lifts the pink piece of foil in her hand, holding it in the limited space between them as her eyes search for his. The small smile on her lips matching his thin lipped smile and the silence between them is a conversation on its own in a way only they can.

About timing, planning and the future.

Their future.

Nothing is said out loud, but that doesn't matter because it isn't anyone else's business but their own.

It doesn't matter that this conversation happened on the morning after instead of week or a month later because the answer will always be the same.

And the answer had always been the same. A week from now, today, yesterday, a month ago and even deep down all those years ago. Both aware that when they would happen, and a when it's always been not an if, they'll be all in.

That's also why the lies they told each other and themselves would never hold up in the end, because the truth had always been there and bound to come out. As it had done on numerous of occasions, timing the only thing to mess things up. And it had, boy it had.

They have twelve and a half years behind them to testify to that.

He moves his hands over her thighs to her hips and pulls her closer to the edge of the counter, using one hand to hook her leg around his waist and he closes the distance between them then. His lips covering hers in a silent agreement, one she answers instantly.

But the time was finally right.

\- The end.

.

.

[Sometime later]

"Harvey?"

He shifts over the couch, drags his gaze from the redhead walking around their apartment back to the voice on the other end of the line. "Hey mom," he answers, smiling to himself as he glances at Donna one last time. "I was thinking maybe we could have dinner sometime soon."

"Dinner?"

He rolls his eye at teasing sound that one word question was delivered with, knows his mother hasn't forgotten about her comment just before she left the city. Neither has he. "Yeah, you know the meal people eat at the end of the day."

A laugh follows. "Ooh, that one."

"I want you to meet Donna," he tells Lily now, cutting to the chase. "For real this time and as my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?"

The word pronounced by both his mother and the redhead at the same time as the latter passes behind the couch. He throws her a look and shakes his head at her smile.

"Was that Donna?"

"Yeah," he answers, frowning as he watches the redhead slip on the black leather couch next to him. Shaking his head when she extends her hand and signals for him to hand over the phone.

"Can you put her on the phone?"

He sighs loudly now, doesn't even get the chance to tell the redhead his mother wants to talk to her or think about the odd ability both women have to ask the same thing at the same time when Donna grabs the phone from his hand and greets his mother with a bright smile.

He pushes himself to stand and moves to the kitchen. Laughter following and easy chatter filling the room around them in mere seconds. He shakes his head again, grinning to himself as he watches her settle in the couch further and the way she admires the ring on her finger. He knows she won't tell. He also knows his mother has guessed by now at the slightly flushed face of his fiancée.

By the time he moves back with one cup of coffee and one decaf, the shared laughter over the phone only increased. Him no doubt being the subject of that conversation, an assumption he's proved right about when he sees the redhead's face drop once again and overhears his mother's voice come through the other end of the line.

"Okay, that's it," he announces just loud enough. "I'm cancelling dinner."


End file.
